But I Poop From There!

Ever since coming to this country, I've been engrossed in a culture where the motto might as well be younger, nuder and raunchier. Each news story breaks with younger and younger demographics pushing the envelope of sexuality. Children were having sex earlier and earlier and with greater and greater abandon. Nothing offended their sensibilities anymore.

This infuriated me because, as a teenager, I could never find these legendary nubile underaged whores. At my high school, all of the girls were mannish and spent their time after school splicing DNA rather than sucking off dudes behind the gym. To this day, I'm overwhelmed with bitterness and confusion at the hot cheerleader stereotype. Our cheerleaders didn't shave where they should, did shave where they shouldn't have to, and outweighed some of the smaller members of our football team.

These days, I don't really watch enough television to have a real opinion on sex and the media. The sitcoms that I do watch tend to reinforce the stereotypes that single people get laid every day and married people have sex once every three months. While I'm not entirely convinced of the veracity of that claim, my prenup will have a clause providing me the right to keep a coitus stunt double on retainer just in case.

P.S. It's Jessica Biel. Yea. I know. Me too.


Read more...

*Highlights* - There's a perfectly good explanation for this

I'm an unrepentant pervert.

Read more...

What's Your Addiction? Is it Money? Is it Girls? Is it Weed?

Monday, April 26, 2004

I saw this poster that said "87% of students don't feel the need to drink in order to be socially accepted" and that's SO TRUE HERE. Most of us drink because we're fucking alcoholics.
Interestingly, I have the most amazing instinct when it comes to preserving alcohol. I could fall down a flight of stairs with an open bottle and not spill a drop.


Friday, May 28, 2004
I've decided to stop drinking since it's a bad habit to cultivate, and might also be loosely related to my recent loss of enthusiasm.

Monday, June 14, 2004
A note on alcohol. There is no drinking age. Bacardi can be acquired for 80 yuan. That's like 10 bucks. They sell like 5 gallon jugs of vodka for like 40 yuan. Thankfully I've sworn off alcohol or I would spend all my time here drinking.

Sunday, August 08, 2004
Yesterday, I ran into the culprits from my previous trip to XXXXXX. That night, like three weeks ago, we went bar hopping and did like 15 shots each. I remember that. I was fine! My tolerance is monstrous. Then we went to Club Look. I remember that. My last ememory is of dancing with XXXXX on the dance floor. She handed me some water, I took a gulp, then stepped off the dance floor to rest. aaaand thats where my memory stops. Apparently, what happenned next is I joined my friends at the bar, where they'd met some interesting people. Those people had bought a bottle of whiskey and offerred it to us. Apparently I drank some of that. My next memory is of waking up at the bar. and then lots of subsequent regurgitation. So there is the story of my first and only black out. And I'll never drink to anywhere near the point of drunkeness again.

Monday, August 30, 2004 10:38:40 AM
I have not mentioned, at all, our night of Xi’an debauchery. It was me, XXXXXX, XXXXXX with her sexy self, and XXXXXX. We wanted to go clubbing. We did. Three clubs. All kinda pricey alcohol. Very few people dancing. So XXXXXX and I came to the conclusion that we needed to be drunk. And so our adventure began. We ended up going to some random street stall, buying their cheapest baijiu and some Sprite for a chaser and then going into an alleyway in Xi-an and drinking the vilest alcohol we’ve ever had. Toasted and nauseous, we then made our way to the BMW bar. There, I had the most powerful White Russian ever made. Then we went clubbing again. It was pretty outrageous.

Monday, August 30, 2004 1:45:28 AM
After swearing that I’d never do it again, I’ve just, under the influence of XXXXXX, had the Devil’s Drink.

Sunday, September 12, 2004 11:48:16 PM
I never did a Devil’s Drink true aftermath report. I lay in bed just now and was stunned by the power of that drink. XXXXXX had one and was just chill for the rest of the night. For this, she is a goddess. XXXXXX drank heavily beforehand then, halfway through his first, became violently sick and couldn’t stop throwing up for the entire night. Thus he left without drinking the entire thing. He was lucky. Upon his first sip, XXXXXX threw up. In an empty beer jug. Then finished his drink. XXXXXX almost killed himself that night. He ran through a building site sure that he was being chased and almost jumped off of the top to escape his pursuers. XXXXXX drank heavily then had two Devils. XXXXXX hasn’t been able to learn characters since and is sure that that drink permanently altered his brain chemistry. He also really pissed off XXXXXX. He and XXXXXX ended the night chasing each other around XXXXXX campus and climbing flagpoles. I drank heavily then had two Devils. REDACTED. Oh. XXXXXX and I, in retrospect, realize that we could realistically have died from alcohol poisoning that night.

I have an addictive personality. I took up smoking for a few months at the age of 20 because it seemed like an unbearably cool thing to do. So let's go down the line of my addictions.

Food - we've already documented that I will at no point deny myself anything.

Liquor - I keep a constant 2 bottles on hand and that has at time fluctuated all of the way up to 5 bottles. My friends can confirm that I kept a fridge stocked with vodka, kahlua, Bailey's and MadDog during college. Morning, afternoon or night, I feel that not drinking because it's breakfast is specious logic. Have a 1 hour break during work? Get lightly sauced. It really breaks up the day. As far as I'm concerned, functional alcoholism isn't really alcoholism at all.

However, none of those things are really addictions since I can quit whenever I want. Read more...

I DO wanna be the Biggest Loser!

Tuesday, August 03, 2004
So, I'll start smoking tommorrow. Purely as a hobby. and to look cool. If there are any kids reading this, don't listen to your parents. Smoking really does make you cool. Cooler than you could ever hope to be right now.

So my girlfriend and I recently decided to revamp our lifestyles, because she became increasingly worried that I'd keel over and die in my early 30s before earning enough for her to remarry for love instead of money. We changed our eating habits and started going to the gym religiously. She's lost more than 15 pounds. I... haven't.

Like I'd love to lose weight but I've never had the heart to deny myself anything. During my diet some of my more frequent transgressions involve regularly ordering multiple burritos while she's at work, preparing a 6/2 split of burgers for myself and her respectively, and eating entire bags of chips at a time with the defense that pico de gallo is healthier than regular salsa. These things happen on the regular. They're not even the exceptions like me having multiple Cinnabons for breakfast when I was running late for a flight out of Washington.

It's not all bad. I'm eating more greens than I did before. In fact I'm eating an infinite amount more greens since before I'd eaten like 0 salads in my entire life. Infinity times 0 is 0 so the math is a little skeevy but you get my point . I'm pretty good about the gym too despite it being an extremely boring time. You get addicted to the adrenaline rush but there is nothing more dreary than the moment you get on a treadmill and realize you're stuck there for 40 minutes. It wasn't so bad when I could just run behind my girlfriend and watch her butt bounce during her workout but she's become increasingly adept at finding machines where I can't ogle her and the other girls at the gym either have no butts at all or it's like watching puppies wrestling under a blanket.
Read more...

Reality TV is bad...

and if you watch it, you should feel bad. Reality TV is really, really lowest common denominator stuff. There is the stuff that shocks the conscience. What kind of human being puts their promiscuity, lies and idiocy on primetime television? Better yet, who are these 40 million mouthbreathers that can't get enough of Flava of Love, etc.? The internet also lends itself to highly voyeuristic outlets many of which I enjoy. Postsecret. Fmylife. textsfromlastnight. The difference between these and the more out there tv shows is that the internet is anonymous. ON THE INTERNET, NOBODY CAN PROVE THAT IT WAS YOU, RICK ADAMS, THAT REALIZED IT WAS A TRANNY HALFWAY THROUGH, BUT DECIDED TO FINISH. Essentially, I'm arguing the difference between (1) telling your friend you had explosive diarrhea and (2) having your friend in that stall with you reeling from the noxious fumes as your bowels spasm. Both are objectively gross but one is still much worse than the other. If you watch realityTV that as its premise chills and just stalks people as they make idiots out of themselves, you basically endorse the creation of snuff porn. Flagships of this category: Real World, Flava of Love, The Moment of Truth, Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire

From there we go to the other category. These aren't grotesque so much as they're a bit silly. The reality isn't reality and the drama is ridiculous given the low intensity nature of the interactions. Depending on the level of exaggerated drama, some of these lapse into the murder porn of group 1. You're not a terrible person for watching them but you may be an abject failure who subconsciously realizes that these shows are as close as you'll ever get to grandeur. Flagships of this category: Survivor, Man vs. Wild, American Idol, America's Next Top Model, The Apprentice

The final category is reality tv that is a-ok and is viewed by champions of men. The only show in this category is The Biggest Loser.


Read more...

In a Nutshell.

Posting from an iPod in a motel so this will be very concise.China. Hands down. Cheap. Everyone pays attention to me. Lack of a paper trail. Sideways vaginas. Read more...

It's The Law

Before I get into the meat of my post, I'd like to second the enthusiasm of my fellow bloggers for Rihanna's very entertaining pics. The nipple piercings are awesome beyond words. I'd highly highly recommend recreational piercings to almost everyone. Have low self-esteem? A piercing will help with that! Have high self-esteem? You probably already have one.

I read an article today about the fate of some of the more memorable members of the graduating class of 1990 of Harvard Law School. Harvard is a good benchmark to use for success, because, if you couldn't make it coming out of HLS, you couldn't make it anywhere.

With that said, the stories contained in the article aren't stories of laziness or irresponsibility. Instead, I saw again and again in those memoirs the best and brightest being defeated not by work beyond their caliber but instead by disillusionment, self-loathing and despair. Law just really isn't for everyone. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that, the more creative and intelligent you are, the less law is the career for you.

Do you thrive on blazing new paths and setting unforeseen precedents? That is the exact opposite of what a lawyer does. A lawyer checks to see what people have been doing for the past 2000 years or so, then sits and engages in a rather lackluster intellectual exercise intended to determine the worst possible outcome that could arrive from deviating from a very clearly delineated path.

If you're the kind of person who is willing to slave away at a thankless project for days or weeks all to impress people and earn well-deserved praise, law isn't for you. You'll do the work alright, but go in expecting years to pass before your exertions are acknowledged, if they ever are. You're A. The attorney above you is B. The partner is C. C will give B assignments. B will then give them to you. You'll do the work. B will then look at the work you did and give it to C. If C is happy, B will continue giving you work. You will never hear how happy C was with your memo. If C is unhappy, bend over and clench. B will immediately try to distance himself from the project as much as possible making it clear that it was your assignment. C won't give a shit because he won't even know who you are, but expect B to put his dick in you repeatedly for the next week to year depending on how displeased C was.

Do you like having free time? The mantra in law is that if you have free time, you're stealing from the company. Time is meant to be billed to clients. Period. Forever ever? Forever ever ever. Read more...

Justice

"When I was sure, I would find a quiet way, and I would kill him."
-The Lovely Bones

In a perfect world, it would be easy to lay down punishments for various crimes, but it inevitably becomes very complicated in this imperfect world of ours. I'll try anyway.

Murder, rape -
Perfect world: We are always able to prove guilt beyond any doubt. There is a high-resolution video of the crime where the culprit is holding up his driver's license and humming a ditty that includes his name and SS#. DNA evidence corroborates and we have a confession that we know was not extracted under duress and are absolutely sure that the criminal was mentally sound. Criminal is either executed immediately or, at the request of the victim, tortured to death. If he was mentally unsound for reasons beyond his control, rehabilitate and monitor.
Our world: We'll almost never have no doubt of a person's guilt. Thus, life without the possibility of parole keeps the alleged criminal away from society while giving him/her the chance to be exonerated. An unjust and expensive system.

Other serious crimes -
Perfect world: Rehabilitation works. The child molester sees the light and goes on to become a wonderful man. Society gains a productive individual. The prisons are emptied.
Our world: Recidivism rates make rehab of criminals a joke. It is abhorrent to have your child molested by someone who was sent to prison... for molesting children. If you were innocent or made a youthful mistake and were sentenced to hard time, you're coming out bitter, unable to relate to society, and hardwired into dysfunctional behavior.

Minor crimes-
Perfect world: You are cited by a police officer and human decency prevents you from ever repeating the crime.
Our world: Not getting pwned for minor crimes leads you to commit other minor crimes. All of a sudden you're before a judge and your previous offenses require a minimum prison sentence. You don't complete high school and spend your formative years in prison. You're then released, given a yellow passport, and expected to merge seamlessly back into society. Doesn't work.
Read more...

Sometimes a perfect plan still ends poorly

It goes without saying that I'll spend the rest of my life hearing jokes about unscrupulous, greedy lawyers. That comes with the territory, and doesn't bother me much since I'm only becoming a lawyer for the money and prestige. What really bothers me is that, despite all my careful planning, I may still get screwed.

Law used to be kind of like the federal government. That is, if you could get your foot in the door, you were set for life barring an unfortunate bout of investigative journalism that publicized your yawning incompetence. Unfortunately, things are changing now.

The life cycle of a lawyer works (or worked) like this.

Stage 1: You're born and live the first 18-24 (depending on how slow you are relative to the general population) years of your life in kind of a fuzzy haze. During that time, you attend school but fail to realize that picking up marketable skills somewhere along the line might be a good idea for when your parents are tired of supporting you.

Stage 2: This cycle is typically triggered by the realization that you're broke and your parents think you should be inviting your dates to places that aren't your parents' house. Our nascent lawyer brainstorms. He digs deep and figures out that he isn't actually good at anything that people pay other people money to do. In the depths of despair, he googles "trade industry requiring no inherent talent". Within hours, he has begun studying for the LSAT.

Stage 3: Our budding lawyer is now in law school. Law school is a lot like college and high school except it's legal to drink the entire time. That is the only discernible difference. Actually, that trivializes things. If you go to a top school, you're probably pretty smart and don't experience an unprecedented jump in difficulty. With your future assured, you spend most of your time perfecting your solid handshake and learning to play golf. If you don't go to a top school, you're what people in the legal industry refer to as gg'ed.

Stage 4: Assuming that our neophyte esquire either A.) went to a really good law school or B.) was in the top of his class, he gets an offer to work at a firm that pays him a godlike sum to do fascinating research and interface with intellectual giants like himself.

Stage 5: Our successful lawyer dies surrounded by his wife, loving children, mountains of cocaine, and any hookers that he did not murder.

Unfortunately, the economy has left stage 4 in shambles, thereby directly compromising stage 5. Bear Stearns? Thelen? Gone. Firms and banks that had existed for decades and were considered too big to fail failed. As they collapsed, they took out much of the job infrastructure that supported the bright eyed MBA and JD graduates. Now, we face an uncertain future. Read more...

Conscientious objector

I have never used any drugs of any kind. I initially had no moral objection to it. I just didn't have a supplier that I absolutely trusted not to get nabbed and sell me down the river. At some point though, that blossomed into a superiority complex since I was able to harangue others with the fact that they lack my self-control. Not to mention, I'm the smartest person I know. I don't use illicit street drugs. Coincidence or causation? So now I'm the guy that shows up to a party and demurely declines a hit.

Read more...

I grew up!

A few months ago, I talked to a friend that I hadn't spoken to in months. Actually, we hadn't really spoken much in over a year. We spent some time talking about our professional lives, and then at some point he asked me how the ladies were treating me. And when I mentioned that my girlfriend and I were going strong, he seem shocked at the thought that I was in an ongoing long term relationship. That was one of those little moments in life where you can look at yourself and say "I guess I really have matured a little bit".



I spent most of high school objecting to marriage on philosophical grounds. This isn't unique. Every teenager reaches a point where he/she decides that you can't write a contract for love. Said teenager inevitably feels that this revelation is much deeper and more profound than it actually is and feels much more self-congratulatory than is really merited. My teenage self was very fond of what turns out to be startlingly bad poetry. I will share a piece of it with you.

Holiest union? Souls entwined?
last refuge of the lonely? blind leading the blind?
a practice that survived beyond its time
beware those treacherous vows that bind
strangers that might otherwise stray
for true lovers need no contract to stay
together to keep the emptiness away

8 years and a vastly expanded intellect haven given me the revelation that "the emptiness at bay" would have been infinitely more badass. Be that as it may, my professed stance on relationships and my total inability to talk to girls landed me tons of street cred with my fellow pseudo-intellectuals since I was able to say "I don't believe in girlfriends and, lo and behold, I've never had one. How's that for staying true to oneself?"

Fast forward to college. New and startling information comes to the fore regarding female anatomy. However, my viewpoint on dating and relationships was essentially unchanged. In fact, I'd say that at one point I found myself more jaded than ever. I was emphatic about never being in a relationship and definitely never a long distance relationship. Predictably, my first serious relationship began shortly after and was a long distance relationship. While it's hard to quantify emotional growth, I feel that I can say with certainty that I became much more mature as a result of that first relationship. Way, way, way more mature. As in, the only logical path was a conversion to Christianity, more mature. It seems silly, but yea, I eventually matured enough that one day I was leafing through my journal thinking "In this life or the next, there's going to be a price to pay for some of this stuff". Even then though, I was still pretty anti-marriage. Relationships made sense but an institution and contract for love didn't.

So I guess that it can't have been until after college that I matured enough to understand the concept behind marriage. It's actually pretty plainly stated in the basic vows most people use. They're vowing that, even after the lust that made marriage seem like such a cherry idea has faded, they'll stay together and have a life together. Not the stuff of Romeo and Juliet, but not too shabby either.
Read more...

*Highlights* - Simulated Comic Product

GUY INCOG says:

(click to enlarge)

SCP is simply a fantastic little gem. Very intellectual and never approaching the same subject or punchline twice. SCP fights against being a typical predictable webcomic and often the pages of comments are filled with alternative interpretations of the meaning and intentions behind a comic. Love, morality, and the nature of reality are all explored.

Simply wonderful.

Read more...

Boo

“Every single thing I value in life has been destroyed. And I am allowed no explanation? I am to suffer hell without any account from heaven? In that case, what is the purpose of reason, Richard Parker? Is it no more than to shine at practicalities-the getting of food, clothing and shelter? Why can’t reason give greater answers? Why can we throw a question further than we can pull in an answer? Why such a vast net if there’s so little fish to catch?”

I like using books/music to deepen my moods. That's probably not as unique as I like to think it is, but I feel my level of enthusiasm for completely immersing myself in a particular mood is refreshing and different. Feeling a sense of loss? Read The Life of Pi. Listen to Lonely Girl. Do them both a dozen times until you're absolutely sure that the only feeling relevant in your life at the moment is loss.

I've been in a foul mood this week. The school that I was 99% sure I'd be attending screwed me, and now I have to change all my plans. I still get to go to a top school for free, but it's not the ideal situation that I'd intended, and I firmly believe that I am destined to receive everything I desire in this world. On top of everything else, the new law school has grades whereas the old one didn't so now I can't just shoot for the middle knowing they'll have no way of telling me apart from the other students.

Now I'll need to make plans to fly across the country again to go apartment hunting. Bleh.

After careful consideration and increasing boredom and loneliness, I've decided to get a job despite not needing one. You'd be surprised how humanizing it is just be be able to interact with people for a mandatory 8 hours a day. On top of that, I'm becoming more and more worried about having to explain away this year of unemployment, so at the very least I'm going to start doing some volunteer work or something. Ideally, volunteer work that can be done from the comfort of my couch.

Oddly enough, these months of couch sitting have become an impetus for heathier living. Since I don't get exercise elsewhere, I make a point of eating (kinda) well and going to the gym several times a week.
Read more...

*Highlights* - History's Strongest Disciple Kenichi

GUY INCOG says:

History's Strongest Disciple Kenichi is a manga that I recently began reading which turns out to be quite excellent. Kenichi is a book lover who has just entered high school, but he is often bullied by others. One day, he became good friends with the new transfer student, Fuurinji Miu, who was also looking for a friend. Kenichi was shocked at how powerful she is at first, but he is still somehow attracted to her. the story follows the two as they attend school, grow into adults, and battle brutal street gangs.





To be honest, I can't quite put a finger on what I find so alluring about this manga. Perhaps the wistful innocence of adolescence or the admirable discipline with which they pursue their study of martial arts. Perhaps the plot twists that leave you guessing at every turn. I can say, without exaggeration, that this manga could be the War and Peace of our generation.








The artwork is also fantastic. The line work is phenomenal and the coloring is simply superb. But even after all that, even after I extol each of the individual virtues of the series, words still cannot convey the excellence of this series. It simply has to be read.




















For an enigmatic, enthralling adventure, I give it the highest rating awarded by the RGC. If you're not reading History's Strongest Disciple Kenichi right now, you're doing it wrong.

Read more...

Sodom

I entered college a naive, thin, intellectual young man full of curiosity and regard for his fellow man. This lasted roughly two months. I went from breaking-dancing and doing research at leading laboratories in high school to drinking obscene amounts, having zero initiative, and overall learning just how much fun life can really be.

How has college changed me? I gained about 30 pounds. I'd never had to diet before in my life since I ate reasonable meals and exercised regularly in addition to dancing or participating in sports. In college, I ate cookies for 3 meals a day, pizza for the other two, and endeavored to establish a me-shaped indentation in my bed so I could rest more securely as I played video games.

In high school, I was surrounded by intellectual powerhouses and considered myself their peer if not their better. In college, I played Kings and played Kings and played Kings. One term I literally realized towards the end of the term, that I had attended a class where attendance counted a total of two times.

I like to think that I entered college a kinder, gentler soul, only to have the patience poked out of me.

With all of that said, I enjoyed my college experience and treasure the appreciation for vice that I acquired there.

A journal excerpt:

A: You should take up smoking.
Me: I know!! It’s so cheap here. You can get a pack of cigarettes and a lighter for like 50 cents. And I’ll be so much cooler!
A: Yup. And once you start smoking you’ll have completed all the vices.
Me: Not really. I still have to do drugs and prostitution.
A: And incest. Don’t forget about incest.
Me: No… I think I’ll just skip that one…
A: No way! You’ve got to do them all!

Read more...

A Tale of Two Cities

I can't decide between UVA and Berkeley for law school.

I jetted over to Berkeley last week and spent an interesting 24 hours there, and it's awesome and not so awesome. The people are sharp. They are interesting and they are passionate. I met some black people there and the community is so much more awesome than in college that it's amazing. More mature and warmer. What difference a few years and a more developed sense of self can make. The campus itself is nice, It's in the Bay Area, wonderful job placement, fantastic weather. Essentially, the only downside is that it's in a relatively poor city so you lose a sense of a beautiful concrete world surrounding campus.

UVA. is. beautiful. Like no joke. Berkeley is nice but with UVA they sat down and said "Let's build a campus that the whole world will love". It's nestled in Charlottesville, rated the best city in America to live in. Excellent job placement. Essentially the only downside is that it's not in California, and it was out of the running for so long that I didn't do much research on it.

It's inaccurate to say that I haven't decided though. I intend to use a very basic formula to determine where to go.
If Berkeley debt > n + 5000 where n = UVA debt; then UVA; else Berkeley.

Whichever choice I make, I'm sure that I'll be going to a top notch institution where I'll have an excellent time. Until I graduate and look upon the utter ruin that is the legal field. No more investment banks means no more crazy M&A work which may lead to a permanent shrinking of the field. Would suck to graduate into a world that needs half the lawyers it did before.
Read more...

Rage across the universe

Let us do the list.

I should have gone to class. much much more. I still have recurrent nightmares about being in a class that I haven't bothered going to in weeks with a final coming up. While that is a common dream for college students, it was a reality for me. I typically stopped going to any class with online course notes that wasn't taught by a very select group of professors.

I should have studied. much much more. I typically would give myself the last 12 hours before a test to learn the material. After a nap and dinner, I'd realize that it was physically impossible to read the material in its entirety and, thusly motivated, study in a frenzy for about 6 hours. So about 30 hours of studying per semester.

I should have gone to the gym much much more. I should have eaten much much less. I went from pretty fit to gross. If I'd established good lifestyle habits I'd be in a much better place now.

I should have played less video games. This is a gray area because when I wasn't playing video games, see below.



Lastly, the granddaddy of them all. I should have drank much much less. My God. THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED. I have PTSD-esque flashbacks where I'm just left with the conclusion 'That... was an exceedingly poor choice.' I passed out in public places, licked necks at frat parties and raged from frat to frat for days at a time as my grades tanked.


Now, these have all been very abstract shoulds. They're not things that I necessarily want to change. Just areas that I acknowledge I could have improved in. So what would I change if I had to choose? I'd go to the gym. The other stuff was hella fun and didn't turn out to be a problem for me ultimately.
Read more...

There's a little magic in all of us

I'm flying out to Cali tomorrow night. Since I'll post a badass update upon my return, all you get now is 3 badass Magic cards.



Read more...

*Highlights* - Good joke

GUY INCOG says:

Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain.

Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears. Says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

Read more...

Racism? In MY generation? More likely than you think.

“Have you ever had something happen that was so racist, that you didn’t even get mad? You was like, ‘God damn that was racist!’. I mean it was so blatant you was, ‘Wow’. Like it didn’t even happen to you it was like a fuckin’ movie. Like you was watching Mississippi Burning; ‘Wow’. - Dave Chappelle

I actually arranged such an occasion for some friends of mine once. They, all black, had come to my place of minimum wage culinary employment and were clearly rubbing the situation in my face. Seizing the opportunity, I declared "I'm sorry but we don't serve colored folk here" and waved to the white girl behind them to pass them and come to the register. After a moment of hesitation, she actually did skip them and to this day I wonder what she was thinking.

There's nothin' a white person could ever say to me that will ever catch me off-guard. Ever! I'm always lookin' for some racism! No matter where the fuck I'm at, I'm like "where the racism at? Where it at, where it at, where it at?" No matter where I'm at. I could be sittin' down with Regis Philbin, doin' an interview, talkin' about Madagascar 2, sayin' "yeah, Regis, Madagascar 2's real good, man. I play a zebra again! Oh, this motherfucker's great!" And right in the middle of the interview, Regis'll pull a pencil out of his pocket, stab me in the neck and say "take that, ya fuckin' nigger! Take that, ya dirty, greasy nigger! Take that, ya fuckin' nigger!" And I'd be like "I shoulda seen it comin'. I let Regis get too close." I'll be mad at me. I'll apologize--"hey, man, I left my neck all out, man. I'm sorry, man, " - Chris Rock

I don't want to dredge into this so I'll copy and paste this from a journal entry in 2004 during a more interesting time in my life:

So that I never forget. That job offer where they posted I accepted. They responded happily. Then communication ends and suddenly the job is reposted with the additional message of ‘white people only. I’m not racialist but the children’s parents insist'

Since that experience I kind of maintain that, until you've experienced that down home country racism where people are fucking with your money, you haven't really experienced the old racism.
Read more...