Not Quite the 40 y.o. Virgin

Cut to the chase - I'm still a virgin. Guess what? I don't have a problem with that or any intention of losing my virginity anytime soon.

Let's first clarify one thing - I, like you, am a sexual entity. I too get "urges" and ...really horny at random times, but I've drawn two conclusions:

1. I have a lower libido than most
2. I have a ridiculous amount of self-control (I know this is true...just curious about the 1st conclusion)

At 20+ years of age, I still haven't had ANY sexual experiences with another. I've had my fair share of offers and VERY close calls, but in all situations my mind proved stronger than my body, and I pushed the breaks hard and fast. I'm just a different kind of guy, and I embrace this.

I've always been more attracted to one's psyche than physicality. Sure, I can get turned on by a really hot person, but I am MOST attracted when I am intrigued by and enamored with someone's personality and character. A genuinely good/deep/fun person has more power over me than the hottest chick in the universe. I put little value in the physical because, as we all know, it WILL CHANGE over time and is ONLY SKIN DEEP. Think about standing outside a beautifully landscaped/constructed house and stepping inside to find lopsided rooms, leaky pipes, mildew on the walls, and corroded floors. Now consider a humble looking home that within contains the most lavish, eclectic, charming layout and mix of items (oh, and the windows are numerous and crystal clear). I don't know about you, but I'm choosing the house with the humble exterior.

In fact, all remotely intelligent home buyers check out the interior of a house before making any major investment. I (will) take the same approach in making decisions about sex.

Sex is a MAJOR INVESTMENT to me. There are emotional connections formed that never break. There are also insane risks including pregnancy, STI's, and AIDS. Combine that with my Christian upbringing and innate understanding of morality and you may grasp why I'm still a virgin.

When I do have sex, I want it to be with someone I trust, admire, feel a physical attraction towards, and respect. Call me picky, but one's physical alone just isn't great enough to make me take the risk.

I've survived thus far without having sex and, as I haven't tasted of "that fruit" yet, I honestly feel I could live my entire life contently without it. Believe it or Not, Ripley, but it's my truth. What's yours?

Read these lyrics from India Arie's song, "Part of my life:"

Oh it's easy to find someone to play with
and almost anyone will do to fill your idle time
but that very special someone
you can share all your dreams with is so hard to find

And it used to be like me to settle for the physical
but these days it ain't too easy to make up my mind
cause apparently your body is just too temporary to take up my precious time

See I've got to know that
that I can be free with you and
you've got to show that
that you're worthy of my time
can you stimulate my mind?

And I know that it looks good,
but can you be a part of my life
and I'm sure that it feels good
but can you be a part of my life
and it probably even tastes good
but can you be a part of my life
I've got to know


Be Well, Read more...

Almost a Woman

15 (almost 16)


That's when I lost it. When I was younger…I was pretty hard on myself. I figured I’d never get married or be in love…who could love me? I felt ugly, too skinny (definitely not a problem now!), and just overall…I didn’t see much potential in myself. Thus…I didn’t value myself and my gifts; my virginity was not something I held in high accord nor cared about.

In fact, when I moved to Georgia, I thought even less of it. My middle school was a hotbed for horny kids. Once…in my science class (by far the horniest class I had) these two kids ran to the back before the teacher was in class. We had 5 rows of normal desks and then in the back back of the classroom, there were the taller lab desks (5 rows again). These two kids had SEX back there without the teacher realizing. Kids were always getting caught in bathrooms and closets…just disgusting. Well…I remember stating matter-of-factly to some friends that I had not ever had sex or done anything. The next day…guys that I had NEVER spoken to were in my face flirting/asking me to be their girlfriend. I liked the attention at first…until I realized why. Rumors of my virginity up for grabs… It got to the point of harassment. This one guy would try to rub up my legs in my EIGHTH GRADE science class. It made me so uncomfortable. No matter how many times I said stop or slapped his hands…there they were trying to creep up my thighs. Yuck. I started to hate being a virgin…it was like a scarlet letter. Here I am…pure and innocent…and I’M the outsider…what the hell?!

So two years later...I’m back in North Carolina (living with dad again) and have been dating this guy for awhile. I didn’t like him…at all really…he was just the best friend of my best friends’ boyfriend. Convenience. They were older than us…so we had rides and access to alcohol (beer’s nasty…lol) so we kept them around. Plus...how cool is it to brag about having a boyfriend that's not in high school when you're 15 (now that I look back...ew...)? He started pressuring me shortly into the relationship. Ugh I thought…here we go again. I have to admit…I was curious about sex. I had not discovered masturbating yet (though it would have saved me a lot of trouble…). I had not watched porn yet. So I definitely wanted to see what was up- what all those kids in Georgia were so hyped about. After a year of him bugging me I literally said fuck it and gave it up. It was TERRIBLE lol. I watched t.v. during it. He was just…lame. I’m not sure he really took my virginity at all but, whatever. And YES we used protection.

Though it was a dumb and stupid reason to lose it…I don’t regret losing it at that time or anything like that. I didn’t cry or mark the day in my diary. I didn’t throw a parade. It didn’t (and still doesn’t) mean anything to me. I’m still skeptical about being in love (its more pain than its worth) and I still don’t value the little things (1 month anniversary…place we met etc etc). I’m just not that kind of girl. If I could do it all over again…would I do it the same? Nah…there was this much better guy later on down the road.



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V Card - Intact...Enough

You can still make out my name on it. Cool.

What IS it with guys and obsessing over a girl's virginity? It's not even that special to ME. I don't fantasize about the first time with the man I love. I don't guard it with my life. I definitely don't think it's something SPECIAL you give away. It's not a GIFT. For those that think it's a gift?! Sorry, but no. A bloodied dick is not a gift.

I asked someone once "Why do guys keep asking me if I'm a virgin?" His answer was "Some virgins are just aloof." I think he meant aloof about the sex thing. In other words, I'm not THIRSTY. I'm not FIENDING to F. Don't get me wrong. I have my moments when I'm like OOO Shiet I wanna have some FUN. But I'm never starved or hungry for some meat.

What does my virginity mean to guys? Some might think of me as fresh meat. Some might think it's a conquest to take it from me (again, take what? smh). Some might just keep it moving because where's the fun in having sex with someone that's inexperienced? Some might not even care but the thought crossed their minds so they asked. (There goes that damn virgin vibe.) I'm sure there is a plethora of reactions and reasons to why they ask about it.
Fellas, let me know what a girl's virginity means to you and why you want to know.

Yea. 23. Virgin. Honestly. It doesn't matter to me. I'm sure sex is great. No, I'm not waiting until I get married. I already said I'm not looking for someone special to give my virginity to. It is what it is.

Three things that cross my mind when I think about sex:
1. STDs. I already told y'a how those things GROSS me the F out..and I'm not gonna catch a case of the babydaddy drama
2. A good friend of mine said "Think about who you lose it to. You only lose it once." I mean, yea. I don't particularly care about losing it. But I do care about who I have sex with.
3. I'm loyal to someone. Are we an item? No. I don't even know where we're at right now. But that's just the person I am. I am loyal to my friends and emotionally invested in them. My heart is in 100%. So no, I'm not finna go club and bang. None of that putting emotions on hold and then doing the "BONG! bop" (hop on, hop off) and going back to being me in the daytime.

It's not like I'm ugly. I got boobs. I got a booty. It's not like I've never been approached about sex. But I don't do sex hook-ups. Especially not one-night stands. DEFINITELY not with someone who is already in a relationship. I don't play games. Too many guys just wanna play grown games and then act like a damn baby about it when I don't wanna play with them. I don't like that. Man up. Holla when you got your head right about who I am. I'm no ho. Don't treat me like one. Don't spit ya wack game and expect me to be impressed. BE REAL. That's wassup. Unfortuantely, that's rare. So my challenge to you men out there, be different.

I've done some stuff. But you know what? It's not satisfying when at the end of the night, it amounts to nothing. I get attached. So hookin' up. Not my thing. But I live and learn and move on. It's not a big deal. Broken heart. It's a fact of life. I lived through it and I'm a stronger person for it. No experience is without merit if you make it worthwhile to have gone through it.

I've made my choices. This is me. 23. Virgin. Nice to meet you.
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Advice - Don't be Afraid of Success

Quick post:

ADVICE: Don't fear good things happening to you. Before today I didn't understood how someone could actually be afraid of good things coming to fruition. Then I realized that I was one of these individuals letting my fears hold back my talent and blessings. You just need to have faith, confidence, and know that your talents are truly unique. "Comfortable" should not be & is not your resting state; "Greatness" is!

It's been an interesting week...

Be well,

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(Tom)Boy that likes Boys

Where's my femininity gene?

Someone shock that shit into action. I mean...I’m not like masculine or anything like that…I’m just not as…soft as most women. I’ve always been the rough and tumble tomboy rebelling against a lot of girly things (though I did have Barbies and dolls). I played all kinds of sports, ran with a group of guys, played video games…all that “boyish” stuff.

Now that I’m 24 though, I kind of need to get in touch with my feminine side a little more. She’s in there… she’s just been semi-suppressed…only let out in snippets. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not dressing like a dude or anything like that. It’s just that…I don’t buy into a lot of the womany stuff…like babies. Ugh. Though I want children…I feel like I’d probably be a horrible mother and am not rushing towards it.

I realized this the other day when a very motherly coworker sent over a clip that she called the “cutest clip ever”. It is below…



Her and everyone else on the list was like OOOO SO CUTE! OO that baby’s so smart!!! Awww! All I could think was… will that damn baby shut the hell up! I couldn’t imagine being in that car!! But apparently that’s supposed to be cute. So I confided in a coworker like um..what’s wrong with that baby? I could NOT deal with that and she’s like…Yea…don’t have kids…and remind me never to ask you to baby sit. I think I offended her sensitivities… I’m sorry…that’s just not cute to me.

Or when a coworker showed me a letter her daughter had written to her. Isn't that the cutest thing? she asked. I sat there staring at the word “Momy” (the very first word) and just could not get past that. I smiled and said so precious while handing it back (not having had read any of it). All I could think was…would I have misspelled that word at 7 years old? What’s wrong with our education system?...

The weird part is…I will get all gushy at an animal. That’s where that side comes out! WTF!

See more funny videos and Cute Animals Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Come on…isn’t that the cutest thing!

I guess maybe I’m just detached from other peoples’ babies…and maybe the instincts will come when I have my own.

Here’s to keeping the TOTA tight and baby free!

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My Baby Trey

So I waited allllll night last night for this little bit of heaven.

GENESIS!!! Trey Songz's beginnings. This is a 20 track download-only album that Trey Songz and Troy Taylor (Songbook Entertainment) put out last night. You get to hear what Trey sounded like at 17! Some tracks, I'm guessing are demo tracks. Some are ones that didn't make it on the debut album, Gotta Make It. Let me tell you, Atlantic Records slept on some of these gems.

Anyway, if you liked old school jams (apparently old school now means early 90s, think Boyz II Men) then you'll like the beats on these tracks. The lyrics are young and fresh. You wouldn't expect anything less from a 17 year-old.

Trey has some rap tracks on there as well! Not the snippet like at the beginning of Wonder Woman from his sophomore album, Trey Day. Whole songs. He raps. Period. He's a rapper with a voice. He's made that claim before but he proves it with this prequel album.

I enjoy his maturity in his lyrics now. But this is summer! Time for some summertime fresh sounds!

Read his story and get the FREE download at his blog, See Further Than I Am.

We see you, Trey! He loves his fans, and judging from twitter, we love him right back! LOL ;)

GO HAM!!!

Next to look out for, his Anticipation album! Also download-only. It comes out before his 3rd album, Ready, rescheduled for later AUGUST 4, 2009! Read more...

*Highlights* - Dave Chappelle is a funny man!

Do you want to laugh?

Check these two clips that show the range of Dave Chappelle's comedic style. From a wildly imaginative interpretation of Sesame Street to commentary on social irresponsibility, Chappelle's fame is clearly founded in talent. Hilarious yet Informative. Cynical yet Sensible. Dave Chappelle is a VERY FUNNY MAN!

You'll never look at Sesame Street the same way:


Wow, this video probably opened a lot of eyes:

5 Caps Dave Chappelle!

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*Highlights* - LOL ;)

NEW MUSIC!!!

Just leaked! HOURS old

LOL ;) - Trey Songz feat. Gucci Mane and Soulja Boy

you heard it here! This is even better than In Ya Phone!!!



If you wanna download it yourself because you RECOGNIZE the summer heat in this track... SMASH HERE

Don't worry. This was legally leaked. Some fool leaked an unfinished one so Troy Taylor (Songbook Entertainment) and Trey Songz are putting the real deal out for all the fans

GO HAM!!!!

How geeked I am about this track:

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*Highlights* Hot New Songs

Been avoiding the hype surrounding some artists lately (though I do like Lady Gaga!)...and I've been missing out a bit... I have to say…I love love love Keri Hilson’s and Ciara’s new albums!!!!! Wow…just wow. In terms of Keri’s In a Perfect World album…I already liked “Turnin Me On” but just for dancing- not for substance or anything like that- which is why I didn’t go ahead and get the album. Then when she came out with “Knock You Down” I took notice and downloaded (via Zune Pass- I’m legal! Lol). This girl can sing…
My two favorite songs are Make Love and Slow Dance...but they are among many other great songs. I included snippets of those two below :


Give em a chance…you’ll be surprised how much you like them!

As for Ciara...this chick has been around the game (and popular) for a while with hits like 1,2 Step, Promise, and Like a Boy but has been getting a lot of flack with her new album Fantasy Ride due to her branching out and seemingly abandoning her “Crunk ‘n B” roots. I appreciated that deviation…and decided to give her a chance. Once she finally came out with Love, Sex and Magic, I was like…Ok…this could go somewhere and got the album. I will be honest…some of the songs sound haphazard and took several listens before I “got” them [listen more than once!] but they started to grow on me. Two of my faves are Like a Surgeon and I Don’t Remember of which I have included snippets as well.









5/5 Zune prepped for the summer! Read more...