Who Dat?

Ok... so ...

Since most others have magically reappeared... I might as well make it known that I am still alive as well. I guess I'll do a quick (and by quick I mean LONG) run-down as well but, first, a disclaimer: I am unable to post at work anymore (wonder why they blocked blog sites?!) and my evenings are pretty busy so I'm not sure how often I will be able to post.

News:

- Applied for law schools and GOT IN (YAY!) - but... the scholarship money offered was not enough or nonexistant and I'm broke and probably not a desirable loan candidate. So alas...one more year out of school in which I work hard to get a higher LSAT score which means higher scholarship offers and better school options!

- Along that vein... I have dropped $1400.00 of my hard earned cash on a Kaplan LSAT Xtreme Online Test prep which will hopefully raise my score. I would be happy with even 15 more points as that would significantly raise my prospects. Its pretty cool - you can view the teacher via web-cam and you have like a chat room where you can type to ask questions. They also sent me about 7 books (some are HUGE!) and some scan-trons and class materials. The class runs from June 13th to October 6th every Saturday and Sunday for 4 hours. They give full out LSATs 4 times and you get intensive study and tricks and tips- you also get one-on-one time with the professor after your exams to work on your weak areas. It's what I needed to do two years ago but couldn't afford. I've heard nothing but good things about this class. I've also bought several books for my own study and have been using them whenever I can find time. GuyIncog recommended them and he got an amazing score so I'm trusting in him.

- Speaking of GuyIncog - I'll give a slight update on him as I have discovered he is alive and well(ish). He's finished his first year of law school (or 1L) and found it difficult (as to be expected). He wasn't too happy a few weeks ago about his exams (he thought he might have done poorly) and I even worried that he might be wanting to give up but recently he mentioned that he did well in one of his classes and is hoping to get the same results in the
others. FINGERS CROSSED!

- Still working at my job - although I have been furiously applying for jobs elsewhere. My 2-year mark is fast approaching (July 15) and since I'm taking another year off, I want to sample a different position elsewhere or at least a different type of law. Its been a rough 2 years (well...year and a half of toughness - first few months were CAKE) and I have adopted this new no-care attitude which scares me. I roll my eyes at those two women (read my first posts if you don't know) whom I dislike and I'm finding it more difficult to be cordial. Also... I want to get a car and do other things with my money but I still don't feel secure in my job to do so. It would suck to get fired after committing to a car payment and insurance!

- No boyfriend but entertaining some prospects. Still finding it hard to actually want to fall in love or anything like that and trying to feel anything but just lust. The idea of actually committing right now makes me want to vomit (harsh...I know) but only a small part of that is that I haven't found the right one. The rest knows that now is not the time to start anything because these next few years are going to be hell. Still a girl can have some lunches and some drinks right? ;) P.S. Not having sex! Lust = looking and drooling!

I've also taken to gyming these days. It helps that my building opened a shiny new fitness center which is free to all personnel. Lovely - one of the 3 reasons I don't want to leave my firm (the other two are a guy and my homegirls at work!) - I go every morning from 7:30 to 9:30 M-F. Saturday and Sunday are lazy days but I try to force myself to go out walking. Its just been so rainy these days or sweltering that I'm not motivated to do it. Its been a little over a month and, typical of me, I haven't technically lost weight. I put on muscle fast and I can already see it in my thighs and arms! I'm even noticing that I can carry heavy things that used to wind me (huge boxes at work) much further without the tiniest sweat. As embarrassing as this is to admit, I finally got my 2 miles on the treadmill/elliptical below 20 minutes. Considering a month ago, I could barely do 1 mile in 15, I'd say I've improved a lot. I've taken to eating/drinking protein supplements and shakes before and after working out and eating a healthy salad or sandwich for lunch and a light dinner with one snack for the day. I've gone down a size but my goal is more to tone than lose weight. Looking at these hips, I'll never be a single-digit size- I'll be happy with a 10/12 as long as nothing jiggles when I run LOL!

I think that's about it. Nothing too exciting. Slowly getting my life on track. GOTTA GO - THE TUDORS IS ON!

Ciao

Read more...

News!!!

Opportunities seem to be rolling in for us RGC bloggers....


I guess I'll add to the pot!

I don't want to go into tooo much detail (don't want to jinx it or whatever) but...a huge opportunity may have presented itself for me.

Backstory:

I wake up to my mom getting ready for her doctors' appointment yesterday. She is wearing her "Dartmouth Mom" shirt (which has what appears to be a slight bleach drop stain on it) and a pair of jeans- very casual. I thought it was too chill (bleach stain distracting...) and told her "You're wearing that? You sure you don't want to change?"... Glad she didnt!!!!! A guy stopped her in the hospital and inquired whether or not she had a child currently there. She told him my story and how I'm currently interested in law and he gave her some interesting news. He is a Dartmouth alum...class of '72. His ex-roommate (a very lucrative person in law/government here in Atl!) is running for Mayor of Atlanta!!! He gave my mom his contact information and told me to contact him so we could chat and he could find out about me and arrange some sort of meeting with him!

EEP! This could be HUGE!!!

Fixing my resume as we speak!!!

Pray/send good wishes for me!





Read more...

Oh Mother...

My life is a lie...

My mother and I do not get along. There’s this charade of us all being happy and joking and laughing, and that is the case most of the time, but boiling under the surface is this huge cesspool of resentment and pain. It’s like a volcano too…hides in waiting, just barely rumbling, and then it blows. When we go at eachother…it’s dangerous.

I started thinking about it when I read Musecatto’s Entry about him and his parents deciding to make an honest change and improve their relationships. I remarked, to myself, that I’m glad that I didn’t have to do anything like that and that my family and I had a decent relationship. But then I really started to think…and think…and think. The next morning, all hell broke loose giving me a painful reminder that my visible life is probably a lie and I don’t know why.

The next morning, on my way to my bus that I usually take to work…I was remarking on how I didn’t think I could work like this for 30 or more years and that I admired the people who could, like my father. Granted…it’s like 6 a.m. so I’m not thinking clearly but, if my child had said that to me, I wouldn’t get offended. Mom’s like...what the hell have I been doing the last 35 years? Sitting on my ass? Your father’s not all you think he is. Who was the one supporting you when he ran off to Japan and found a new family? That’s when I realized I should have said you didn’t let me finish and that I admired her too. Instead, I snapped back... what the hell do you want me to do? List every person I know who has done whatever I’m making a list about? Then, for the next five minutes I listed everyone who fit the bill. I admire Grandma for working for 30 years. I admire Grandpa and on and on, and then I said, are you happy? Every time I make a list about something I’m going to make sure I put you first and exclude my father since you want me to hate him so much.

Yes…my father wasn’t there when we were really young. My parents divorced shortly after my younger brother was born and have been seemingly at each other’s throats every since. There are two stories of what actually led to our family breaking down…but…obviously both sides are biased. He left…military orders sent him to Japan…and remarried a few years later. My mom struggled to raise us and work and attend school to better herself and I really do appreciate that. But…as a little kid…I didn’t pay attention. I didn’t realize that my dad was rarely sending money down to help in raising us… I didn’t notice. I was fucking three to six years old. When I turned six, she sent us to live with him and every since…he’s been in my life…helping me…giving me money to assist me with whatever and advice. So yes…he failed us…for MAYBE four years. But she allllllways makes it like he was never there for us. You want me to hate him for four years out of 24 that he wasn’t there for me?! Fuck no. He has MORE THAN made it up to me and I’m not going to hate my father just because you do. What she doesn’t realize is…every time she brings this up in that particularly harsh manner (which is always the case)…my resentment for her builds. Who does that to their kids? Puts them in the middle of something like this? Yes…he did you and us wrong…but you don’t shove that down your childs’ throat. As the mature adult…you just have to suck it up and deal. Even now…as a 23 year old…I cry every time she brings this up- I go upstairs and curl up in a ball and just cry on my bed like I’m six again. It’s painful to realize that your parents aren’t the perfect human beings you imagine, and that someone you love so much has wronged you. But I do love my father and I forgive him. Of course I love my mother!! We just definitely need some therapy or something because the resentment is now out of control.

There’s so much more to say on this…maybe I’ll continue next week or start a personal blog as my own therapy. I’ll keep you updated or post a link to my personal blog (if I make one..). Curious to know peoples’ opinions on this. I think I'm going to write my mother a letter as well...one that I'll let you all read and comment on so that I can give it to her. Looking up therapists now... Read more...

1 Man vs. 6 College Sorority Girls

GUEST COLUMN:

Every morning, after getting ready for my day in the dirty third floor bathroom I share with my two floormates, I head downstairs towards the kitchen, trying my best to avoid the two full trash bags, what appears to be a vomit stain, and the several pairs of high-heeled shoes that are strewn about on the second floor landing. When I get to the kitchen, I find four dirty pans situated on top of our four burners, a sink filled to the brim with dirty dishes and silverware, a kitchen table covered with several shot glasses, bottles of alcohol, and inexplicably enough, two bags of rotting produce. To top it all off, the two trashcans in the corner are overflowing and spilling trash onto the ground. Discouraged by the state of our kitchen, I decide, as always, to forgo making a omelet in favor of grabbing breakfast from a food cart down the street. This routine is a part of my every day life, and my soul-crushing existence as the only guy in a small row house with six undergraduate sorority girls.

I can't help but roll my eyes every time some guy gives me knowing grunt of approval upon hearing of my living situation. For whatever reason, they think it must be really glamorous and awesome, like I'm some kind of swinging lothario in a house of beautiful women. The truth is much less exciting. I didn't even have much choice in living here. I stayed in a friend's college dorm room while she was on fall break, with the knowledge that I'd need to move out by the end of the week. I visited a bunch of places on craigslist, and this listing was cheap, immediately available, and in the right area. Sure, I figured it might be awkward as the only guy in a house full of girls, but at least things would be somewhat clean, right? Wrong. I can safely say that I have been in active fraternity houses that are kept cleaner than my house on any given day.

Though cleanliness is a major issue, it certainly isn't the only one. My landlord sold me on the place saying that my housemates were friendly and quiet, and that she rarely saw them. After being woken up at 4 am with drunkenly shouted accounts of the night's sexual episodes, I am beginning to feel misled. Overheard from a few nights ago: “If I'm pregnant, I don't even know who the father is!” Rock on. On another night, I remember opening my door and grumbling something about keeping it down. After momentarily quieting down, they gradually raised the volume of their conversation again... but had switched to Spanish. Apparently, they were worried about my hearing their lurid secrets and not as worried about keeping the peace at 4:30 am. Unfortunately, I also understand Spanish, so it was a pretty bad night for me, all in all.

Having lived the past year of my life in a third world country, I assumed I'd be able to get by living anywhere in the states. Certainly, I had a long list of first-world amenities that I had taken for granted. Hot water, a reliable power grid, easily accessible drinking water, etc. While I'm thankful for these amenities, living in my current situation has made me realize that maybe the third world wasn't so bad, after all. On days when things are particularly bad, I find myself longingly scouring craigslist and sighing deeply. Still, the hassle of moving and finding someone to take over my sublease, and the cost in time and money strongly urge me to stay put. Besides, if I can put up with ten months living in a third world country, four more months of this should be a piece of cake, right? … Right!?

I guess only time will tell.

-OddManOut

OddManOut is currently surviving in West Philadelphia. He's attempting to eke out a living as a volunteer research assistant and MCAT tutor

Read more...

Home Away From Home

GUEST COLUMN:

I have secret elves who cook me dinner, do my laundry, make my bed, and once in a while, they even leave mints on top of my pillow. No, I am not a delusional, overworked, and over-stressed public school teacher creating a fantastical world to ease the pain of observing incompetence on a daily basis. These elves happen to be my parents. And no, I also don't live at home.

This past summer, my parents caught their annual real estate fever. (My mom's been wanting to buy an apartment in the city ever since I was five. Unfortunately, the plan has never come to fruition because of the mortgage they already had on their house.) But, I guess the time was right, and I would be able to co-own the place. It wouldn't be hard to get the loan either since I have a steady income. Of course, my parents also wanted me to live in this apartment, and they explained the convenience of seeing me and coming over whenever they felt like it. They even envisioned my brother living with me while he did his summer internship. I cringed at the idea of them "coming over whenever they felt like it." It seemed like my privacy would be lost forever. I mean, they would have the keys to my apartment unless I decided to be really cruel and change the locks or something.

But, with my lease at my old apartment coming up, I decided to just live there...or here, rather. And really, I couldn't have made a better decision. Sure, it kind of sucks that my parents have complete access to my place, but they actually do respect boundaries. If they think I might be home, they'll call ahead of time, at least enough to hide the guy I have over in the closet. (Just kidding!) My dad comes over every afternoon to leave food in my fridge and letters that still go to my old address. He frequently washes the dishes if there are any and cleans the toilet. If my laundry bag is full, he'll take it home and my mom will do my laundry. (This also means folding service once in a while if she's in an especially good mood.)

I was extremely independent in college and didn't know how I would feel to have my parents so involved in regard to my living situation. But it's rather nice, and it's really made me appreciate all the little things they do for me. Do I envy watching my roommate lug all her dirty clothes and trek over to the laundromat every other week? Or the amount of time and effort she puts in to make decent meals? ...No. I know I sound a bit spoiled and super pampered but hey, I went to school on the other side of the country. I'm enjoying privileges that I was never able to experience in my younger days.

It's not like I'm living it up for free though. My parents are getting a pretty good cut of my money every month.

-Shelley

Shelley is a public school teacher who works in the Bronx.

Read more...

Proud? I live @ home and do the dishes!

When you’re “living,” or better yet, EXISTING like me, PRIDE has to go out the window. It just has to, and I mean completely out the window…it falls ten stories, gets run over by two trucks and a rusted hoopty, and finally trampled by everyone you know who is supposedly doing better than you.

It’s funny because the most consistent adjective my parents use these days to describe me is “Proud.” I wish. Nothing could be further from the truth.  How can I be proud when I’m jobless, draining my savings (fortunately I was smart before I quit), and living at home with Mom and Dad?  Seriously though, 2 years ago I would have smacked myself had I known this was going to be my living situation.

Living at home when you are 23 does something to one’s psyche and the family dynamic. Once everyone in the household is an adult, parental communication is no longer direct, nurturing, and authoritarian. It evolves into a maniacal form incorporating the random and far worse judgemental stare or “dignity-stripping” one-liner that only breeds juvenile anger.

The hardest part about living with my family is that my family is used to me being ambitious and excelling. So when they see me three months into unemployment, they think “WHAT’S WRONG with YOU?” “Why are you being lazy?” “Are you too proud to use your contacts?!” I’m honestly waiting for the day that they give me a deadline for securing a job along with some dreaded ultimatum. But can you blame them for drawing these conclusions?

My behavior or rather my circumstances are completely unprecedented. My parents are naturally concerned that I’m wasting all I’ve worked towards. If only they could see the extent to which I’ve been applying, talking with people, and networking. THE REALITY IS THIS ECONOMY SUCKS. Maybe I am a bit proud and even slightly depressed – who knows!? It’s hard not to be when you’ve come face to face with corporate cowardice (see previous unemployment entries) and seen how hesitant they are to take risks today and invest in talent…just like Wall Street. I’m not going to take a random insurance sales position, my most frequent offer, just to have a cash flow…sorry, it’s easy to get sidetracked into emotional tirades.  Back to living at home:

Well, we all know there are perks to remaining with the folks, so I won’t outline them. I’ll just say that it’s almost foolish to take on an apartment/living on your own when job security is something very few in our generation have.  

I know that in the end, the minute I get a decent job I’m packing up and heading out. Being at home is just too draining on everyone. Not only do I want to be free, but I don’t want my family dynamic to deteriorate any more than it has to. I’m developing a temper, don’t communicate, and I really make it hard for family to like me. My parents don’t even have to do anything expressly to annoy me; if I so much as perceive them looking at me in a the wrong way I may snap – depends on how I’m feeling. And that’s what has to change. That’s why I have to leave.

I guess the only consolation is knowing that I am not alone in this struggle. The more I read and watch TV, the more I realize my situation is the same as thousands of others. While the saying goes, “all good things come to an end,” fortunately, so do all bad things…

Be well,

Read more...

Rent for this Month: 97.2% of MY FREEDOM

Living at home sucks.

Sure, it's great that someone does my laundry and makes me breakfast and peels me an orange or two after dinner...And it's heartwarming to know that someone cares enough to worry about me when I stay out past...9:30.

But the price for all that is rather hefty...Do you see the title of this post? YURP!

I pay most of the bills in the house now in exchange for my college loans getting paid before interest accrues up my ass. Well that's a lie. That was never the agreement. My mom has always made it clear that my college education was something she would worry about as long as I got my FinAid in order. I did my part when I could but I really am very lucky. I just feel it's now my obligation (not really the right word but it'll do) to help out around the house. Financially anyway. I really should vacuum and do some housekeeping...but I digress.

Laundry. She does it for me. I didn't ask her to and I really don't want her to. But I appreciate it, no doubt. Then she gets on me for not doing the laundry. Well, IT'S NEVER A FULL LOAD FOR ME TO DO!!!

Food. I can make my own concoction of cereal and milk. If I would pay more attention in the kitchen I can probably make a decent meal for myself (other than fried rice or eggs or vegetables or random pan fried meats). But I get shit for having a job that starts late and ends not really that late at all (6:45? Late? No.) because apparently the whole world is waiting at home to start dinner. You know, I never asked for that. It's okay if that luxury is taken away from me. I'll get my weight under control, too, once I get my food intake under my OWN control.

Work. I would love to go back to school. And that would be a reality if I was at all proactive in making that thought a reality. Damnit! I WILL make it a reality. I work at a small operation teaching/tutoring. My hours are heavenly to anyone doing the 9 to 5. (Maybe Momz doesn't get it because she's on that 8-4.) But it's not getting me anywhere close to the highly coveted Ballin' status. So of course I get an earful about that, too.

My Freedom. I can't sleep late. I can't get up late. I can't stay online or watch tv into my precious wee hours. I can stay out late...kinda...but how relaxing can a night out be if my phone goes off every once in awhile when dinner with friends has barely started? And forget bringing friends over. I only let my closest friends up because I know my mom approves of them. I don't know if she'll not approve of other ones but I don't want to chance some of them and I'm not friends enough with others to bring them home to "meet the parents."

I love my momma. But I gotta have my own space. You feel me on that? O, I'm sure you do.

Currently looking at Enigma's place in Brooklyn. :::giddy::: Now, how do I break this news to my mom without breaking her heart?
Read more...

Home sweet... oh wait...

They say you can't go home again. Not true. I can go home again, but I'll be living in the garage since my sister took over my room. It is not a nice garage.

I don't think I'll ever move home again. I might do it for two months between now and law school if I get an internship in my hometown, but that will be about it. From the moment I moved into my dorm in college, I knew that the only way to live was without the boundaries that my life at home necessarily imposed on me. Without ever voicing a single rule, my mother constrained my life simply by being present. When your parent is in the same building as you are, any independence that you experience is largely imagined. You might work and drink and play at being a grownup. You could convince others, and, if you work hard enough at it, you could even convince yourself that being at home doesn't stunt your growth, but in the end you're being coddled in a very large security blanket.

With that said, the security blanket is nice. I love blankets! You come home and there is food or leftovers that you didn't pay for. You leave the stove on and the place doesn't burn down. Your parents might be the type to wake you up when you're late for work. And if you pay rent it's a fraction of real rent but provides all the sense of umbrage that you'd get from giving away your hard earned money to a real landlord.

Perhaps an anecdote would best illustrate my point. It is sadly not my writing but that of my illustrious guild leader Kain.

Let me tell you a story about a man named Danrax. Dan wakes up at 6 a.m. every day, puts on a dry-cleaned suit, his best shoes, and grabs his hat and suitcase full of pictures of cats. He goes to his local McDonald’s, orders a cup of coffee, and sits back to read a newspaper. He then goes home and plays Warhammer Online. This daily ritual is known as "pretending to go to work", or as he puts it, "practicing for when I have a job".

So basically, your independence at home is about as real as the job that Dan pretends to go to every day.


Read more...

Not a TOTAL Loser

----------------------------------------------
While slightly ashamed to admit this, I am a 23 (nearing 24) year old woman who lives at home with her mother. These days, this practice is less shameful, especially in this economy (see video above) but this is definitely not what I planned for myself to do after college graduation. I was delirious…

Graduated from college and had NO job and no idea what I was going to do. As much as it shamed me, I moved in with my family and had only planned on being there for a short period. Love how I’m still here, right? Lol.

PROS of Living with the ‘Rents:

1) Relatively cheaper- though in my own experience it nets about the same cost as I have to help keep up with these damn bills that keep appearing out of nowhere. Once this rough period ends, however, I’ll be able to start saving up so that I don’t have to go to law school totally empty handed. Yay!
2) Serves as a good transition period for whatever you’re going to do. Whether its temporary while you wait on school to begin or slightly more long term- you’re not totally on your own. I need this as I’m ready to take on some responsibilities, just not comfortable doing it all at once. I need to ease into bills…though I think I’ve conquered them and I’m ready for them to go away now.
3) Seeing your family etc etc. Lol.

CONS (Don’t act Surprised- of course there are cons):

1) Privacy- not a problem for me so much as I’m single. If I wanted to bring a guy home, I could as I’m paying a lot of the bills around here (you know that saying “its my house, I pay the bills, you go by my rules” null and void here baby!) but I would never. Who wants to do stuff when your family is in the house. EW.
2) Shame- I definitely don’t want to run around telling people that I live at home with my mother. Its not as bad now as most people are going through it as well…but there is some level of shame for me.
3) Parents/Family annoying and strict as all hell. This isn’t my case (yes they’re annoying) but I know people whose parents still hold them to those under 18 ideals and make them do chores and give them curfews etc. Ridiculous…

My Personal Experience:

Not too bad… my only qualm is that my savings is very low as all these bills keep appearing- bills that are behind etc- and they need to be paid in order to maintain. It’s a bit stressful now as my mother is not able to work and has not yet begun receiving disability checks (she’s not bad off – no need to worry…her docs just think that she shouldn’t work) and neither of my brothers have been able to score a job. So it’s really just me and a few veteran’s checks my mom receives paying the bills. Stressful…but as soon as her disability checks roll in… I hope that the situation will change!

Read more...