Proud? I live @ home and do the dishes!

When you’re “living,” or better yet, EXISTING like me, PRIDE has to go out the window. It just has to, and I mean completely out the window…it falls ten stories, gets run over by two trucks and a rusted hoopty, and finally trampled by everyone you know who is supposedly doing better than you.

It’s funny because the most consistent adjective my parents use these days to describe me is “Proud.” I wish. Nothing could be further from the truth.  How can I be proud when I’m jobless, draining my savings (fortunately I was smart before I quit), and living at home with Mom and Dad?  Seriously though, 2 years ago I would have smacked myself had I known this was going to be my living situation.

Living at home when you are 23 does something to one’s psyche and the family dynamic. Once everyone in the household is an adult, parental communication is no longer direct, nurturing, and authoritarian. It evolves into a maniacal form incorporating the random and far worse judgemental stare or “dignity-stripping” one-liner that only breeds juvenile anger.

The hardest part about living with my family is that my family is used to me being ambitious and excelling. So when they see me three months into unemployment, they think “WHAT’S WRONG with YOU?” “Why are you being lazy?” “Are you too proud to use your contacts?!” I’m honestly waiting for the day that they give me a deadline for securing a job along with some dreaded ultimatum. But can you blame them for drawing these conclusions?

My behavior or rather my circumstances are completely unprecedented. My parents are naturally concerned that I’m wasting all I’ve worked towards. If only they could see the extent to which I’ve been applying, talking with people, and networking. THE REALITY IS THIS ECONOMY SUCKS. Maybe I am a bit proud and even slightly depressed – who knows!? It’s hard not to be when you’ve come face to face with corporate cowardice (see previous unemployment entries) and seen how hesitant they are to take risks today and invest in talent…just like Wall Street. I’m not going to take a random insurance sales position, my most frequent offer, just to have a cash flow…sorry, it’s easy to get sidetracked into emotional tirades.  Back to living at home:

Well, we all know there are perks to remaining with the folks, so I won’t outline them. I’ll just say that it’s almost foolish to take on an apartment/living on your own when job security is something very few in our generation have.  

I know that in the end, the minute I get a decent job I’m packing up and heading out. Being at home is just too draining on everyone. Not only do I want to be free, but I don’t want my family dynamic to deteriorate any more than it has to. I’m developing a temper, don’t communicate, and I really make it hard for family to like me. My parents don’t even have to do anything expressly to annoy me; if I so much as perceive them looking at me in a the wrong way I may snap – depends on how I’m feeling. And that’s what has to change. That’s why I have to leave.

I guess the only consolation is knowing that I am not alone in this struggle. The more I read and watch TV, the more I realize my situation is the same as thousands of others. While the saying goes, “all good things come to an end,” fortunately, so do all bad things…

Be well,