RACE[ism]

GUEST COLUMN:

What is RACE? What is DIVERSITY? What is EQUALITY? What is DISCRIMINATION?

People toss around these terms every day, but what do they really mean? In the dictionary one can find ‘race’ to be defined as any number of things:

1. a group of persons related by common descent or heredity.
   
2. any of the traditional divisions of humankind, the commonest being the Caucasian, Mongoloid, and Negro, characterized by supposedly distinctive and universal physical characteristics: no longer in technical use.
   
3. an arbitrary classification of modern humans, sometimes, esp. formerly, based on any or a combination of various physical characteristics, as skin color, facial form, or eye shape, and now frequently based on such genetic markers as blood groups.
   
4. a human population partially isolated reproductively from other populations, whose members share a greater degree of physical and genetic similarity with one another than with other humans.
   
5. any people united by common history, language, cultural traits, etc.: the Dutch race.
   
6. the human race or family; humankind: Nuclear weapons pose a threat to the race.
   

  SOURCE: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/race

But what does it mean for people to use race as an integral part of ones vocabulary, when there very well is no universal definition to indicate what is meant by their use of that word? And if it is impossible to decipher the true meaning of race [if one even exists] then how can we try to define diversity, equality, and racism BECAUSE aren’t they somehow interrelated and dependent on a concrete understanding of RACE?

My life experience thus far has provided me with the opportunity to witness how these ambiguously-defined terms function in a society that is framed on the constitutional belief that, “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union…do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”
SOURCE: http://www.usconstitution.net/const.html#Preamble

I prefer to explore this issue by recalling some rather recent experiences that sparked my passion for exploring the meaning of RACE.

EXPERIENCE #1

         I recently attended an “awards show” that was hosted by a respected college organization, and having no exact idea of what to expect from the show, I assumed that it would be a typical event to honor the positive contribution various people made to the campus community. But the awards show was shocking and not like anything you would expect to occur at Dartmouth [at least I hope not] and I am positive that had it occurred at Dartmouth the Black community would have become largely divided.
      The awards offered were things like
            "ashiest boy" [the award given was a bottle of lotion]
            "darkest boy [in terms of skin color]"
             "girl with the biggest donk"
            "boy with the worst hollering game"
            "most annoying boy"
            “biggest flirt” and “best swag”

      All persons in attendance were expected to have voted in advance and for every award category the hosts posted personal photographs of the nominees [yes, there were photos of people in their Friday ‘going to the club’ outfits]. But what was the worst is that the female MC said so many inappropriate things. For example, when the guy won the swag award, she stated very loudly in the microphone "ooh ima bout to take my panties off …yeah thats my boo, yep hes got that swag, thank you boo for last night...ooh ima bout to go take my panties off right now."

      When it was later announced that the young lady to win biggest flirt was not present, the MC proceeded to say "oh yeah…she’s a flirt…yall better watch out cause she will try to take yall's man...yeah she is trying to take my man,” then she said "yeah she’s not here...alright... he [in referring to the guy who won the swag award] knows where it’s at" as she began grinding for in her super-mini dress.

      Even the guy to win “the funniest” award decided to perform for the audience and started grinding on the floor to the point that he lost his shoe in the middle of completing a split. Some people watching laughed, others looked on in disbelief, and the person next to me whispered “coonery.”

EXPERIENCE #2

       During class, a student conveniently shifted a discussion of race and the equal protection clause to focus on affirmative action in particular. Affirmative action is a topic bound to bring debate and I cannot recall a single instance where PERSON Y was not upset at PERSON X. The debate was sparked by question asking how the admissions committee decided which persons would be granted admission to our school. The professor tried answering but of course he wanted to have people chime in, so one student did that by stating the following:

"My brother goes to the medical school and in some class there was a Black girl and she knew everything and was better than him...and he asked her how she knew all these things and she explained she attended a class over the summer [possibly an enrichment program like SEAD or LEAD at Dartmouth]...and hence, it seems unfair that the Black student should have to take that class twice in order to do better...because that is almost assuming she is stupid and cannot get it right the first time...."

And this student proceeded to contradict themselves in saying " you know...I don’t think its fair she is able to take the class twice and there’s this expectation she cannot perform well the first time just because of her race…and if I must go to the hospital, I don’t want the Black girl who is too stupid to get the stuff right the first time to operate on me.”

- BrownSugar

BrownSugar is currently pursuing a higher level of education, knowledge and growth in an environment that one can only hope ALSO grows with age.

Read more...

What am I? Don't you mean WHO am I?

WHAT is the issue

I understand that it is only natural to categorize. Psychologically, all animals do it. It makes life a lot less confusing to know friend from foe, tasty dinner from gangsta neighbor who will swallow you whole.

But there are so many instances where it doesn't matter. If it's not pertinent to survival, toss it. The extraneous mental baggage really weighs you down in the long run. Toss it.

I grew up in an ethnic enclave. It's wonderful I'm immersed in Chinese/Chinese in the Americas culture on a daily basis. (I would say that's different from Chinese American culture, with or without the hyphen. Subtle wording with a world of difference.) When I stepped into high school and then college, I was not held back by my one-sided cultural education. I revel in experiences that would break down whatever preconceived notions I've ever had about one thing or another. I live to know.

I used to LOVE being called "little big-eyed girl." To me, it means I'm completely adorable! But when my mom was called that as a child in China, it was a derogatory expression. Yes, the stereotypical "chinky-eye" was the hot thing and my mom's eyes were far from that measure of beauty. Times have changed and the big eyes are key. But people still categorize and label. There's no change in that department.

I've been asked TWICE this week if I'm Filipina; once by a Filipino man and once by a white woman. It's not the first time I've been asked that. I don't fit the classic "Chinese" look that well. I was told I could pass as half-white/half-Chinese because of my nose and eyes. I was once asked if I'm half-black. I'm not sure how I come off as both half white and half black. Go fig.

"Pale-skin" "Round Eye"

What does it matter? I'm not really that disgusted or annoyed by those comments. I'm rather intrigued by them. I wonder how I look to someone else. I always thought I look Chinese because I know I'm Chinese and I look like ME all day everyday. As far as superficial race identity goes, that's all I have to say.

Racism...That's a whole different story. Age 10. I was walking to Seaport with my best friend at the time. This cute little old white lady walks by and says with noted extreme disgust "Stupid Chinks." We weren't being rowdy or obnoxious. We were just walking. It shocked me to the core. I generally have a terrible memory but that moment is seared into my mind.

I haven't had to deal with racism again until college. College of all places.

I was asked by a friend if the reason why I like black men is because I hang out with a mutual black female friend. Maybe you wouldn't consider that racism, but I do in my mind because the comment assumes some kind of race identity issue on my part as an Asian American, that as an Asian, I have to be this nebulous being to be molded by an outside culture, that I couldn't very well think for myself, that black men have nothing to offer me other than their bodies. I was furious! I've also been accused of having a fetish for black men. AGAIN! I was furious! No. My preferences are my own preferences and they are preferences, not fetishes. Refer to my textbook definitions. Did these accusers ever bother to ask me what my type is? Nope.

Someone once said to me in college, "But aren't you Oriental?" Very strange. Other people may not have said anything to my face, but there must be a reason why some Asians in college didn't bother to talk to me and why I felt a bit ostracized by some other people because most of the company I kept happen to be black. It was like I was THAT Asian girl in the group of black and Latino students. I didn't feel that way. But I was probably seen as such. The sentiment is usually thinly veiled on their faces. Does that bother me? Extremely.

Don't assume WHAT I am. Don't me put into boxes labeled with WHATs. I am a WHO. You don't know me and the socially appropriate question that will give you the opportunity to know the real me would be

"Who are you?"

Read more...

Things Not to Say

This one’s going to be relatively short and to the point because for some reason I’m just not ready to tackle this particular subject. The topic of racism was proposed for this week.

Also, I don’t think “less than 600 words” is enough room to cover this…not even 12,000 could…[we were told to keep our posts between 400-600 words because apparently you guys wouldn't read more than that....obviously I break that every week...] .

Instead of ranting in paragraph form...I decided to summarize my thoughts into a list: Racist things you may say without thinking they’re racist (and yes, these have been said to or around me). You may think these are compliments…and some black people may take them as such…but they really aren’t. You’re generalizing a whole group of people based on your (or a friend or a friend of a friend’s) experiences with a few. That’s not a good thing…

1) Can I touch your hair?
2) I tan so my skin can look like yours…/Black people can't tan or sunburn!-
3) Black guys have the biggest d*cks. You must be able to take like 14 inches…
4) Can I say ‘Nigga’ to you? Not with an ER!!! An A! My best friend who was black let me.
5) Black people are the best dancers.
6) Black people are the best at [random sport name].
7) I hear black women are good in bed.
8) You don’t talk/act/look black.
9) Did you vote for Obama…?

I’m not perfect...I have been guilty of generalizing people too. I have tried to make a change though…I don’t bring up race/religion/socioeconomic status/etc. until I know the person well enough to ask these questions or until they ask me one (then they’re fair game!).

There are obviously many more to this but its 9:30a.m. and I have a lot to do today. These are some of my biggest ones though…Make your own list if you feel- I’d like to know yours! Read more...

Must Be Nice being Average and White?

When you are Black in a primarily White environment, eventually you realize that you're as bright as the Vegas Strip in the Nevada desert.

The reality of the situation is this: Being an identifiable racial minority in a predominantly white setting attracts a heightened awareness of your existence.  Expounding on this idea, a possible working definition of "white privilege" might be the ability to be inconspicuous and unspectacular in successful, powerful, and exclusive environments. Watch this clip from Chris Rock, especially the end, and you will better understand my point:

I had one unforgettable experience my freshman year of college, where my unrequested "Big Black" identity label was shoved down my throat...

During freshman winter I was 1 of 75 students enrolled in an early morning History lecture course on the American "Founding Fathers." The class was comprised of students of all grade levels, but most importantly I was the only Black male, with there being 1 Black female.  Like many freshmen, I had rapidly evolved into a night-owl/borderline insomniac who could barely wake up for (let alone stay awake in) the morning lecture.  After dozing off a few times in class, I started to feel ashamed and began consciously missing classes to catch up on sleep.  My choice seemed okay in my mind because I knew the professor never took attendance and didn't know my name.  Sure there was a class participation portion to our grade, but only 10 people regularly participated and countless students were skipping the class periodically just like me.  

Then one afternoon a few days before the midterm exam, I open my college email and see a personal letter from my professor.   This definitely caught me off guard because, once again, my professor had never called me by my name or even spoken to me at this point.  After a moment's apprehension, I opened the email only to find out that my professor had not only noticed my absences but was deducting points from my participation grade.  She wrote that if I did not start attending classes regularly I would be in danger of failing the course!   To put it simply, this email Scared Me Straight and was the impetus  behind a monumental grade recovery; I was in the front row of that class everyday from that day forward.  Nonetheless, I could not block out the recurring thoughts or rather rhetorical questions continuously circling my mind post-incident:

1. "How did my professor know I was missing so often?  I had shown my face somewhat consistently and she DEFINITELY didn't know my name.  She would have had to search her picture index for the Black boy to find me."
   
2. "Why didn't my white counterparts receive the same personal email alerting them to their impending failure?  Were they even being penalized?"
   
3. "Were my equally absent white/white-looking peers even noticed by the professor?"

I remember talking with one of the culprit "white-looking" friends, a light-skinned Latina, about these concerns, and actually she was the one who forced me to realize how much I stood out in the classroom.  No matter how similar my mind and actions may have been to the other students, my physical characteristics alone attracted unprecedented notice.  I recall angrily telling this friend, "I bet you if I were a 5'4" white girl with brown hair, I would have never been missed or on the verge of failing."  My friend agreed.

I am not one to usually play the race card and I am EXTREMELY grateful to my professor for reaching out to me (I was then and still am thankful).  It was because of my professor's unexpected email that I was able to defeat a bad habit and move in the right direction.  Furthermore, I learned a MUCH bigger, more enduring lesson through this experience..

I must accept the fact that wherever I go and whatever I do, I will probably be easily distinguishable and unable to blend in.  No matter how similar or accepted I may be to my White peers, my physicality will continually draw the microscope.

I will rarely be afforded the chance to be an unnoticed, free, undisturbed wallflower...

Be well,

Read more...

Racism? In MY generation? More likely than you think.

“Have you ever had something happen that was so racist, that you didn’t even get mad? You was like, ‘God damn that was racist!’. I mean it was so blatant you was, ‘Wow’. Like it didn’t even happen to you it was like a fuckin’ movie. Like you was watching Mississippi Burning; ‘Wow’. - Dave Chappelle

I actually arranged such an occasion for some friends of mine once. They, all black, had come to my place of minimum wage culinary employment and were clearly rubbing the situation in my face. Seizing the opportunity, I declared "I'm sorry but we don't serve colored folk here" and waved to the white girl behind them to pass them and come to the register. After a moment of hesitation, she actually did skip them and to this day I wonder what she was thinking.

There's nothin' a white person could ever say to me that will ever catch me off-guard. Ever! I'm always lookin' for some racism! No matter where the fuck I'm at, I'm like "where the racism at? Where it at, where it at, where it at?" No matter where I'm at. I could be sittin' down with Regis Philbin, doin' an interview, talkin' about Madagascar 2, sayin' "yeah, Regis, Madagascar 2's real good, man. I play a zebra again! Oh, this motherfucker's great!" And right in the middle of the interview, Regis'll pull a pencil out of his pocket, stab me in the neck and say "take that, ya fuckin' nigger! Take that, ya dirty, greasy nigger! Take that, ya fuckin' nigger!" And I'd be like "I shoulda seen it comin'. I let Regis get too close." I'll be mad at me. I'll apologize--"hey, man, I left my neck all out, man. I'm sorry, man, " - Chris Rock

I don't want to dredge into this so I'll copy and paste this from a journal entry in 2004 during a more interesting time in my life:

So that I never forget. That job offer where they posted I accepted. They responded happily. Then communication ends and suddenly the job is reposted with the additional message of ‘white people only. I’m not racialist but the children’s parents insist'

Since that experience I kind of maintain that, until you've experienced that down home country racism where people are fucking with your money, you haven't really experienced the old racism.
Read more...

I GOT A FULLL SCHOLARSHIP

I GOT A FULLL SCHOLARSHIP

Mood: "F"ing Awesome

Read more...

The Metamorphosis

You blaze into the room- hair flying, stacks of papers in one hand and dragging a heavy rolling suitcase full of files behind with the other. You are on your cell phone barking orders at someone, typing away on your blackberry, still managing to listen to your many voicemails, all the while instructing your secretary to make a list of things to do for the day. Somehow, through all of this, you manage to maintain a cool and collected front, able to multi-task to perfection.

I think I’m in love.

Not like that…I love men…but this woman is amazing. She’s a partner in my firm and I can see why. In fact, I want to be just like her. We’ve got similar personalities when it comes to work; both straightforward and to the point, wanting to get as many things done as possible. Yet, I get frazzled a bit when work starts to pile up and can sometimes let stuff get to me. I even tend to stress about the little things…things that aren’t as problematic as I make them. She’s got a huge caseload and several people under her, including other lawyers with their own cases that she oversees, yet she manages to get it all done efficiently.

She is sharp…in dress and in personality. My first day I happened to pass her in the hall and she did not so much as make eye contact with me as break her stride to let me pass. It's fine…when I’m on a mission…I do the exact same thing. Two weeks ago, I was moved to a desk in front of her office which was a bit intimidating. But it’s a great view…I get to watch her and model my future professional self after her. Though I have been working here since July, she has just learned my name, but at least now she greets me in the morning. And her clothes...obviously I’m not making her type of money here, but wow. Black for her, like me, is a professional must, yet we differ in choice of accessory. 4 inch stilettos aren’t my thing as I’m a bit clumsy…but somehow she manages to pull them off easily with no problems. Also, I’m not a fan of jewelry at all, maybe when I’m making her kind of money that will change.

People fear but respect her; I see lawyers all of the time prepping to go into her office for a meeting, actually going over what they want to say. She always leaves her door open too…so I get to hear her sharpness when they come unprepared and her demeanor when they have done their job. She always wants more though…she will find some obscure thing they didn’t research and send them straight back to the drawing board.

She is unmarried…something I am becoming more accustomed to the idea of as time in this firm passes. Few of the lawyers seem to stay married for long here, and most are single, particularly the female ones. I know why. I have been told that most of these lawyers work at least 6 days a week and ridiculous hours. Though they may stroll in at 11 (I’m jealous), most confess that they get up at around 7 or 8 to start sending e-mails and correspondence or do research, and that when they leave the office, they are still calling clients and taking work home to do as well. When I asked an attorney what he was doing during his time off one weekend, he asked “What is time off?” Needless to say…I probably will not have time for a meaningful and fulfilled relationship nor much time to go out and meet guys. I get weekends off most times and I still don’t have time to meet guys…can’t imagine it after this. Hopefully I meet some Joe in law school…

I think that most people see the professional woman as a controlling bitch and, as I have seen thus far, the really good ones, who do their job to the fullest and get the best promotions, are. Think Devil Wears Prada-style bitch. I know there are nice ones out there who get ahead but I know that there has to be some level of “take no prisoners” in order to get far. While times have changed drastically, women are still oppressed a bit in the work force, and so you have to be strong and forceful…people have to know that you can do the job and handle yourself.

Let my metamorphosis begin… Read more...

Myspace...How do we connect?

I'm not going to go in depth about Myspace just yet. I will say that I have made some friends on Myspace, but unless I knew them in real life already, I'm not going to meet up with anyone from there. I'm WAY too paranoid about ish like being kidnapped, raped, killed, etc. to meet up with Myspace people. Besides, a lot of people on there are just mad sheisty and/or perverted.

I do want to ask people what they think about Myspace and virtual friendships. I've met some very interesting people out there on that site. But I don't go on there anymore. The appeal just isn't there like it used to be when I was like...19. There are other ways to meet strangers and to keep in touch with friends.

I personally don't like calling people on the phone because I hate catching people at a bad time and then trapping them in a phone conversation when they could be doing something else with their time. I usually don't mind when I get calls but I just don't feel comfortable making them myself. The calls I make are usually very utilitarian. They are mainly for functionality. Emails are like the snail mail of the modern virtual world. Emailing as a means of friendly correspondence is too slow for me. I enjoy IMing much more. I mean I definitely send my share of useless emails but those are usually reserved for mass emailing fun or for when I want to share something with someone but they aren't logged on to any IMing program at the moment. So, MY thing is I LOVE CHATTING. I do it for HOURS. I keep up with friends, a few cousins, and a few Myspace people. It's how I stay connected to people.

It's interesting how some Myspace people just kind of fall out of my radar or I fall out of theirs. Myspace is very shallow. I've friended lots of people based solely on looks and one or two things I like about their profiles. I've gotten plenty of friend requests with messages that comment on only the way I look. It's like a free dating service if people are into dating people they've met online. Shallow. It's okay. Sometimes you really get to know people like that. One guy I had talked to online stopped talking to me after MONTHS of failed attempts at getting me to visit him at his apartment. He did the nice guy thing. But all that goes out the window when he knows I know he has a girl and he's asking me to "chill" at his place at 4am. BOY, PLEASE. He's not the first to disappear. It's ok though. I have found some gems out there. =)

This entry was kind of choppy and unfocused. Sorry about that. But take a listen to these songs about Myspace people. They're kinda funny to me. What do you think?

Throwback song:


And a new song:


Read more...

Random Necessity

This weekend while in route to a friend’s apartment in NY, a good friend and I were discussing how people just don’t get me. About 2 minutes into the conversation, I was randomly and perhaps rudely interrupted by a man who felt compelled to interject. This same man had already interrupted our discussion once before just to compliment my friend’s purple scarf and tell us how his girlfriend’s purple outfit was stolen. It was clear to everyone on the bus that this stranger likely had some personal issues, but rather than ignore him, I allowed him to interrupt a second time to put forth his commentary… I was left surprised and pensive at the man’s words: “I get you. You’re like the wind. You go with the flow, but you’re focused.”

I had never before heard a more correct, more concise description of my nature. Moreover, most of my acquaintances and “lesser friends” don’t even seem to know me as well as this stranger did after 5 minutes of interaction. Many of them actually would consider me an apathetic lackey or “yes man” that goes with the flow. Do I care? No, because those individuals ultimately weren’t worth my time. On the contrary, just like the wind I have a defined direction, but my energy and support for people and things can dissipate in a moment’s notice. The wind is free after all and has no corporeal master. Now, thanks to a random bus conversation and a willingness to listen, I have a clearer understanding of myself.

Randomness is the key to gaining personal clarity and having a sensational life. It is in the random times and unexpected situations that people truly discover who they are and understand how they function. Normality is great but only teaches you how to exist efficiently and comfortably. Yes, anything random is uncertain, but uncertainty carries with it risks and opportunities – two fundamental aspects of a fulfilling life. Why do I call these “fundamental?” Simple, because risks and opportunities are the ingredients for “growth” in life.

Think about your favorite memories/experiences and you’ll probably realize that most of them did not involve plans or structure but were instances in which you let go of it all and went with the flow at random. Indeed, my fondest memories since entering the real world all stem from decisions to resist my innate controlling, practical nature and let randomness rule. Whenever I choose to give up the concerns, the plans, and the fears, I’ve noticed that I temporarily shed the shallow feeling of “existence” that often plagues many recent graduates and suddenly feel alive with child-like curiosity.

Not to get overly metaphorical but in allowing for randomness you are affording your body and mind the chance to mimic the free-flowing nature of the soul.

Sometimes it just pays to leave the directions, schedules, and plans behind. Use your mind and the signs to map out your course as you go. This way you’ll not only enjoy the final destination but also appreciate the journey itself.  

Random Experiences make for Sensational Living.

Sorry for the random entry

Be well,

Read more...

*Highlights* - I Love You Man

GUY INCOG says:

We seem to be entering a golden era of movies. Either that or the worsening recession is driving people towards escapist pastimes. Either way, there are a TON of good movies coming out in the coming months.

I Love You, Man delivers everything you'd expect and nothing more. High energy comedy, requisite plot twists and a kind of weird gay vibe.

Now, this is a movie about dudes dating and hanging out with dudes. There are several guys in the movie who are gay. Why then do I bother to mention a 'weird gay vibe'? Because the heterosexual interactions in the movie seem a bit too contrived to be accepted. As a result, they come across as something not quite heterosexual. Straight guys just don't go to that much effort to hang out with guys they don't already know well. It just doesn't happen. There has to be some ulterior motive. As a result, whenever I saw the straight guys hanging out, all I could think is "This is.... kinda gay." Poker game with friends? Straight. Fishing for an invite to a poker game with guys you don't know? Kinda gay.

Overall though, a solid movie that falters on issues that nobody cares about:
Read more...

*Highlights* - Great 5-Min Movies pt. 2

MUSECATTO says:

This week's picks for great 5-minute movies all successfully mix comedy with insanity - a tricky combination, but when done correctly you might in up ROFL. Each of the 3 movies below successfully takes the viewer on a journey into the personal inner-workings of the main character. I trust that you will find these short movies insanely enjoyable.  Click here to view last week's Favorite Featured Flicks...

Something's fishy in this mystery. This dark story is simply brilliant!


One of our favorite characters from last week returns in an equally funny, simple, yet intelligent comedy:


This old lady will likely bring you to Laugh Out Loud at least once!


The comical insanity in these flicks earns this week's picks cum laude status yet again:

Read more...

*Highlights* - Sex, Love, & Everything in Between

GOTHAM DAYS says:

Musecatto mentioned some great YouTube channels in an earlier post. I just want to put ManAndWifeTV out there for those that want some good advice on sex, relationships, love, "toys" etc.

For those of you that haven't heard of it, the channel features Fat Man Scoop and his wife, Shanda. They take real questions people send them through emails, voicemails, text messages, videos, etc. and answer them. Sounds simple enough. But some of these questions are a TRIP!!! And the answers from Scoop and Shanda are even better! Check it out!



The amount of enjoyment from the info I get from the lovely couple:

Read more...

*Highlights* - OWNED!

SOUTHERN SUBSTANCE says:

I love John Stewart. He is hilarious and loves to mess with people's heads. Granted... I agree with him in this video. One- I hate Bill O'Reilly. As much as he talks about people...his own life is full of scandal and mishaps. Ironic, I'd say.

http://entertainment.todaysbigthing.com/2009/02/10

This video proves his dualism while still being very entertaining. While I agree with his idea of celebrities needing privacy (I hate how the paparazzi follow celebrities)... I don't feel too bad for the celebrities either. You want privacy...turn in all your profits you made from being famous and go back to a "normal" life like us. I'd gladly trade shoes with one of you. Sure...I couldn't go out in public without being mobbed...but... I'm rich! I can just have a pimped out house so that I never have to leave. Personal shoppers...parties in the crib...chef... No reason to leave! No sympathy from me.

For hilarity:

Read more...