1 Man vs. 6 College Sorority Girls

GUEST COLUMN:

Every morning, after getting ready for my day in the dirty third floor bathroom I share with my two floormates, I head downstairs towards the kitchen, trying my best to avoid the two full trash bags, what appears to be a vomit stain, and the several pairs of high-heeled shoes that are strewn about on the second floor landing. When I get to the kitchen, I find four dirty pans situated on top of our four burners, a sink filled to the brim with dirty dishes and silverware, a kitchen table covered with several shot glasses, bottles of alcohol, and inexplicably enough, two bags of rotting produce. To top it all off, the two trashcans in the corner are overflowing and spilling trash onto the ground. Discouraged by the state of our kitchen, I decide, as always, to forgo making a omelet in favor of grabbing breakfast from a food cart down the street. This routine is a part of my every day life, and my soul-crushing existence as the only guy in a small row house with six undergraduate sorority girls.

I can't help but roll my eyes every time some guy gives me knowing grunt of approval upon hearing of my living situation. For whatever reason, they think it must be really glamorous and awesome, like I'm some kind of swinging lothario in a house of beautiful women. The truth is much less exciting. I didn't even have much choice in living here. I stayed in a friend's college dorm room while she was on fall break, with the knowledge that I'd need to move out by the end of the week. I visited a bunch of places on craigslist, and this listing was cheap, immediately available, and in the right area. Sure, I figured it might be awkward as the only guy in a house full of girls, but at least things would be somewhat clean, right? Wrong. I can safely say that I have been in active fraternity houses that are kept cleaner than my house on any given day.

Though cleanliness is a major issue, it certainly isn't the only one. My landlord sold me on the place saying that my housemates were friendly and quiet, and that she rarely saw them. After being woken up at 4 am with drunkenly shouted accounts of the night's sexual episodes, I am beginning to feel misled. Overheard from a few nights ago: “If I'm pregnant, I don't even know who the father is!” Rock on. On another night, I remember opening my door and grumbling something about keeping it down. After momentarily quieting down, they gradually raised the volume of their conversation again... but had switched to Spanish. Apparently, they were worried about my hearing their lurid secrets and not as worried about keeping the peace at 4:30 am. Unfortunately, I also understand Spanish, so it was a pretty bad night for me, all in all.

Having lived the past year of my life in a third world country, I assumed I'd be able to get by living anywhere in the states. Certainly, I had a long list of first-world amenities that I had taken for granted. Hot water, a reliable power grid, easily accessible drinking water, etc. While I'm thankful for these amenities, living in my current situation has made me realize that maybe the third world wasn't so bad, after all. On days when things are particularly bad, I find myself longingly scouring craigslist and sighing deeply. Still, the hassle of moving and finding someone to take over my sublease, and the cost in time and money strongly urge me to stay put. Besides, if I can put up with ten months living in a third world country, four more months of this should be a piece of cake, right? … Right!?

I guess only time will tell.

-OddManOut

OddManOut is currently surviving in West Philadelphia. He's attempting to eke out a living as a volunteer research assistant and MCAT tutor

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Home Away From Home

GUEST COLUMN:

I have secret elves who cook me dinner, do my laundry, make my bed, and once in a while, they even leave mints on top of my pillow. No, I am not a delusional, overworked, and over-stressed public school teacher creating a fantastical world to ease the pain of observing incompetence on a daily basis. These elves happen to be my parents. And no, I also don't live at home.

This past summer, my parents caught their annual real estate fever. (My mom's been wanting to buy an apartment in the city ever since I was five. Unfortunately, the plan has never come to fruition because of the mortgage they already had on their house.) But, I guess the time was right, and I would be able to co-own the place. It wouldn't be hard to get the loan either since I have a steady income. Of course, my parents also wanted me to live in this apartment, and they explained the convenience of seeing me and coming over whenever they felt like it. They even envisioned my brother living with me while he did his summer internship. I cringed at the idea of them "coming over whenever they felt like it." It seemed like my privacy would be lost forever. I mean, they would have the keys to my apartment unless I decided to be really cruel and change the locks or something.

But, with my lease at my old apartment coming up, I decided to just live there...or here, rather. And really, I couldn't have made a better decision. Sure, it kind of sucks that my parents have complete access to my place, but they actually do respect boundaries. If they think I might be home, they'll call ahead of time, at least enough to hide the guy I have over in the closet. (Just kidding!) My dad comes over every afternoon to leave food in my fridge and letters that still go to my old address. He frequently washes the dishes if there are any and cleans the toilet. If my laundry bag is full, he'll take it home and my mom will do my laundry. (This also means folding service once in a while if she's in an especially good mood.)

I was extremely independent in college and didn't know how I would feel to have my parents so involved in regard to my living situation. But it's rather nice, and it's really made me appreciate all the little things they do for me. Do I envy watching my roommate lug all her dirty clothes and trek over to the laundromat every other week? Or the amount of time and effort she puts in to make decent meals? ...No. I know I sound a bit spoiled and super pampered but hey, I went to school on the other side of the country. I'm enjoying privileges that I was never able to experience in my younger days.

It's not like I'm living it up for free though. My parents are getting a pretty good cut of my money every month.

-Shelley

Shelley is a public school teacher who works in the Bronx.

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Proud? I live @ home and do the dishes!

When you’re “living,” or better yet, EXISTING like me, PRIDE has to go out the window. It just has to, and I mean completely out the window…it falls ten stories, gets run over by two trucks and a rusted hoopty, and finally trampled by everyone you know who is supposedly doing better than you.

It’s funny because the most consistent adjective my parents use these days to describe me is “Proud.” I wish. Nothing could be further from the truth.  How can I be proud when I’m jobless, draining my savings (fortunately I was smart before I quit), and living at home with Mom and Dad?  Seriously though, 2 years ago I would have smacked myself had I known this was going to be my living situation.

Living at home when you are 23 does something to one’s psyche and the family dynamic. Once everyone in the household is an adult, parental communication is no longer direct, nurturing, and authoritarian. It evolves into a maniacal form incorporating the random and far worse judgemental stare or “dignity-stripping” one-liner that only breeds juvenile anger.

The hardest part about living with my family is that my family is used to me being ambitious and excelling. So when they see me three months into unemployment, they think “WHAT’S WRONG with YOU?” “Why are you being lazy?” “Are you too proud to use your contacts?!” I’m honestly waiting for the day that they give me a deadline for securing a job along with some dreaded ultimatum. But can you blame them for drawing these conclusions?

My behavior or rather my circumstances are completely unprecedented. My parents are naturally concerned that I’m wasting all I’ve worked towards. If only they could see the extent to which I’ve been applying, talking with people, and networking. THE REALITY IS THIS ECONOMY SUCKS. Maybe I am a bit proud and even slightly depressed – who knows!? It’s hard not to be when you’ve come face to face with corporate cowardice (see previous unemployment entries) and seen how hesitant they are to take risks today and invest in talent…just like Wall Street. I’m not going to take a random insurance sales position, my most frequent offer, just to have a cash flow…sorry, it’s easy to get sidetracked into emotional tirades.  Back to living at home:

Well, we all know there are perks to remaining with the folks, so I won’t outline them. I’ll just say that it’s almost foolish to take on an apartment/living on your own when job security is something very few in our generation have.  

I know that in the end, the minute I get a decent job I’m packing up and heading out. Being at home is just too draining on everyone. Not only do I want to be free, but I don’t want my family dynamic to deteriorate any more than it has to. I’m developing a temper, don’t communicate, and I really make it hard for family to like me. My parents don’t even have to do anything expressly to annoy me; if I so much as perceive them looking at me in a the wrong way I may snap – depends on how I’m feeling. And that’s what has to change. That’s why I have to leave.

I guess the only consolation is knowing that I am not alone in this struggle. The more I read and watch TV, the more I realize my situation is the same as thousands of others. While the saying goes, “all good things come to an end,” fortunately, so do all bad things…

Be well,

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Rent for this Month: 97.2% of MY FREEDOM

Living at home sucks.

Sure, it's great that someone does my laundry and makes me breakfast and peels me an orange or two after dinner...And it's heartwarming to know that someone cares enough to worry about me when I stay out past...9:30.

But the price for all that is rather hefty...Do you see the title of this post? YURP!

I pay most of the bills in the house now in exchange for my college loans getting paid before interest accrues up my ass. Well that's a lie. That was never the agreement. My mom has always made it clear that my college education was something she would worry about as long as I got my FinAid in order. I did my part when I could but I really am very lucky. I just feel it's now my obligation (not really the right word but it'll do) to help out around the house. Financially anyway. I really should vacuum and do some housekeeping...but I digress.

Laundry. She does it for me. I didn't ask her to and I really don't want her to. But I appreciate it, no doubt. Then she gets on me for not doing the laundry. Well, IT'S NEVER A FULL LOAD FOR ME TO DO!!!

Food. I can make my own concoction of cereal and milk. If I would pay more attention in the kitchen I can probably make a decent meal for myself (other than fried rice or eggs or vegetables or random pan fried meats). But I get shit for having a job that starts late and ends not really that late at all (6:45? Late? No.) because apparently the whole world is waiting at home to start dinner. You know, I never asked for that. It's okay if that luxury is taken away from me. I'll get my weight under control, too, once I get my food intake under my OWN control.

Work. I would love to go back to school. And that would be a reality if I was at all proactive in making that thought a reality. Damnit! I WILL make it a reality. I work at a small operation teaching/tutoring. My hours are heavenly to anyone doing the 9 to 5. (Maybe Momz doesn't get it because she's on that 8-4.) But it's not getting me anywhere close to the highly coveted Ballin' status. So of course I get an earful about that, too.

My Freedom. I can't sleep late. I can't get up late. I can't stay online or watch tv into my precious wee hours. I can stay out late...kinda...but how relaxing can a night out be if my phone goes off every once in awhile when dinner with friends has barely started? And forget bringing friends over. I only let my closest friends up because I know my mom approves of them. I don't know if she'll not approve of other ones but I don't want to chance some of them and I'm not friends enough with others to bring them home to "meet the parents."

I love my momma. But I gotta have my own space. You feel me on that? O, I'm sure you do.

Currently looking at Enigma's place in Brooklyn. :::giddy::: Now, how do I break this news to my mom without breaking her heart?
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Home sweet... oh wait...

They say you can't go home again. Not true. I can go home again, but I'll be living in the garage since my sister took over my room. It is not a nice garage.

I don't think I'll ever move home again. I might do it for two months between now and law school if I get an internship in my hometown, but that will be about it. From the moment I moved into my dorm in college, I knew that the only way to live was without the boundaries that my life at home necessarily imposed on me. Without ever voicing a single rule, my mother constrained my life simply by being present. When your parent is in the same building as you are, any independence that you experience is largely imagined. You might work and drink and play at being a grownup. You could convince others, and, if you work hard enough at it, you could even convince yourself that being at home doesn't stunt your growth, but in the end you're being coddled in a very large security blanket.

With that said, the security blanket is nice. I love blankets! You come home and there is food or leftovers that you didn't pay for. You leave the stove on and the place doesn't burn down. Your parents might be the type to wake you up when you're late for work. And if you pay rent it's a fraction of real rent but provides all the sense of umbrage that you'd get from giving away your hard earned money to a real landlord.

Perhaps an anecdote would best illustrate my point. It is sadly not my writing but that of my illustrious guild leader Kain.

Let me tell you a story about a man named Danrax. Dan wakes up at 6 a.m. every day, puts on a dry-cleaned suit, his best shoes, and grabs his hat and suitcase full of pictures of cats. He goes to his local McDonald’s, orders a cup of coffee, and sits back to read a newspaper. He then goes home and plays Warhammer Online. This daily ritual is known as "pretending to go to work", or as he puts it, "practicing for when I have a job".

So basically, your independence at home is about as real as the job that Dan pretends to go to every day.


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Not a TOTAL Loser

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While slightly ashamed to admit this, I am a 23 (nearing 24) year old woman who lives at home with her mother. These days, this practice is less shameful, especially in this economy (see video above) but this is definitely not what I planned for myself to do after college graduation. I was delirious…

Graduated from college and had NO job and no idea what I was going to do. As much as it shamed me, I moved in with my family and had only planned on being there for a short period. Love how I’m still here, right? Lol.

PROS of Living with the ‘Rents:

1) Relatively cheaper- though in my own experience it nets about the same cost as I have to help keep up with these damn bills that keep appearing out of nowhere. Once this rough period ends, however, I’ll be able to start saving up so that I don’t have to go to law school totally empty handed. Yay!
2) Serves as a good transition period for whatever you’re going to do. Whether its temporary while you wait on school to begin or slightly more long term- you’re not totally on your own. I need this as I’m ready to take on some responsibilities, just not comfortable doing it all at once. I need to ease into bills…though I think I’ve conquered them and I’m ready for them to go away now.
3) Seeing your family etc etc. Lol.

CONS (Don’t act Surprised- of course there are cons):

1) Privacy- not a problem for me so much as I’m single. If I wanted to bring a guy home, I could as I’m paying a lot of the bills around here (you know that saying “its my house, I pay the bills, you go by my rules” null and void here baby!) but I would never. Who wants to do stuff when your family is in the house. EW.
2) Shame- I definitely don’t want to run around telling people that I live at home with my mother. Its not as bad now as most people are going through it as well…but there is some level of shame for me.
3) Parents/Family annoying and strict as all hell. This isn’t my case (yes they’re annoying) but I know people whose parents still hold them to those under 18 ideals and make them do chores and give them curfews etc. Ridiculous…

My Personal Experience:

Not too bad… my only qualm is that my savings is very low as all these bills keep appearing- bills that are behind etc- and they need to be paid in order to maintain. It’s a bit stressful now as my mother is not able to work and has not yet begun receiving disability checks (she’s not bad off – no need to worry…her docs just think that she shouldn’t work) and neither of my brothers have been able to score a job. So it’s really just me and a few veteran’s checks my mom receives paying the bills. Stressful…but as soon as her disability checks roll in… I hope that the situation will change!

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When doing nothing feels so right

(Click image to enlarge)

I got laid off from my job the day they laid off about 30 people which was about 20% of the workforce. It was a shitshow. Girls were crying, people were talking about having to move back to Kansas, nobody was happy. Except me. My job sucked. SUCKED. The day I left, the sun never felt so warm on my face.

Fast forward to an unbelievable three months later. My resume is sick. I have gone on countless interviews. Unfortunately, it's been explained to me that in this economy, people with Masters degrees are taking jobs that pay $10 an hour. So essentially, by shooting for $35,000 a year, I'm apparently aiming too high. Now, the problem is that unemployment pays me more than I would make working for $9 an hour and would last me for like 5 more months or something. Combined with the fact that I'll be starting the hell that is the first year of law school in less than 6 months, I tend to show up to interviews and get complimented on the fact that, unlike other applicants, I seem composed and not, well, desperate. That fact does not however land me a job. Why job hunt if not for the money? I'm fantastically bored. After you sleep in and go to the gym and play video games and argue on the internet, there just really isn't enough stuff for me to do to fill 8 hours.

Essentially the next 6 months are just an epic stall until law school begins. 6 months then I pack all my stuff and move to the sunny haven that is California. The best law school I've gotten into is in Cali but I think I'd have taken a good Cali school over Harvard (Isn't it easy to compose a list of things that are better than Harvard once Harvard rejects you?). I'm just tired of the frozen waste that is the New England winter season.

Law school is a funny beast. You really, really frontload all of your effort. Law firms are on campus recruiting November of your freshman year if I understand correctly. You can be applying for jobs before your first semester grades are in. Thus, if you're sufficiently bad-ass your first semester, you can get a 1st year summer job which leads to a second year summer job which leads to a cushy job offer. Or at least it did before the economy went belly up. Two weeks ago was what the law profession is referring to as Black Thursday. Unprecedented layoffs. Investment banking has died and taken with it a ton of the mergers and acquisitions work that used to be the bread and butter for corporate attorneys. Some of the largest firms in the world are going belly up. This is the mood that will prevail this November when I'm trying to get a cherry summer gig. I've got to put my best foot forward or this little $160,000 gamble won't pay off and I'll be stuck where I am now, not doing coke off of dead hookers. Read more...

Letter to _____ (I hate you).

Good morning,

As I have been working here for a while now and have gotten to know the way things work, I have begun to notice that you have been taking advantage of me and my perceived kindness to you. I would like for that to stop very much. Upon my commencing work here, my day-to-day life was laid out by you in a very nice letter detailing the tasks I would face and what things to avoid. I struggled with the avoiding things early on, as I felt awkward telling Partners and Associates “no” to their tasks which I deemed very important for the firm. You had a very harsh discussion about that with me, stating that I need to stop letting people take advantage of me and “don’t let them hog me” and keep me from doing my work. You had the audacity to discuss this with me in the hallway very loudly where everyone could hear, which lead to your downfall. Everyone here has always hated you and I used that knowledge, and that particular incident which angered a lot of people, to turn them against you and have them complain to Human Resources about you. You seemed sad on Monday after your review; no good news?

You told me that my job was to help keep all the files organized around here, and that there was little time for much else. I agree to a certain extent; there are days where I have no time to even eat lunch but others where I surf the Internet for 8 hours. You stated that I should tell people that I could not help them with their assignments and to have their Legal Secretaries (you being one of those Secretaries) to either do the work or get the paralegal to do it. That being said, after your Partner’s recent promotion and your recent pay and workload increase, you have been calling me to your desk to do things that were not laid out in my job description. When I told you “no” as you told me to tell others, you told me that it is my job and then you made a complaint to Human Resources. I am confused. I did not get promoted or receive a pay increase. In fact, the only thing I did receive recently, on top of the 10 associates and 5 partners that I currently work for, is another 4 associates. Yay…

I’m going to lay out some suggestions in order to make our relationship go more smoothly since, in your formal complaint about me to Human Resources, you stated that you did not feel a “friendly relationship developing” between the two of us. This is, of course, after making myriad complaints about my work ethic and reaming me in front of the rest of the staff. My suggestions are as follows:

1) Do not change my job on a day-to-day basis to fit your needs and then tell me that others cannot do the same. One day I “work for this entire team and should not be doing work exclusively for one person” and then the next, you have me at your desk all day doing mundane tasks while you talk to your friends on the phone about your new bathroom fixtures.
2) On mundane tasks: Do not call me to come over to your desk two stories above me to retrieve something five feet away from you or to tell me something that could have been said via e-mail or a simple phone call. While I do value the exercise, I don’t want to get it running up and down the stairs because you are lazy.
3) Most of the people in the office do not like you and have recently realized that the others hate you too. Do not sit with us at lunch or come interrupt our conversations (which are usually about you) cheerfully smiling. The winter’s chill that rolls in whenever you come near us and the symphony of crickets whenever you ask a question should tell you that none of us like you.

These are just a few of the many suggestions I have to make things flow more smoothly around here. I’m sure others have things that they would like to add but, in the interest of not losing our jobs we shall remain silent and this letter will not be sent until I quit or get fired, in which case, I will make the necessary edits (curse words included this time) and send.

Thank you for your time! Read more...

I Choose Music Over You

Kanye West has a song that says, "I always knew that one day they'd try to bring me down, way down."  Sadly, I always knew this too, and I still let it happen.

Well, I'm sick of people holding me down.  And I'm tired of holding myself back! You see, when you have a realistic dream that you obsessively crave, it is actually more exhausting/draining to NOT chase it. Why?  Because the anxiety and regret that comes from not pursuing your dream ultimately does more damage than any failure or fall ever could. 

Anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE music!   Unfortunately, I'm a singer/songwriter who, up until now, has found every reason not to pursue this single passion of mine.  No one will ever understand how I feel about music, all music.  Thinking back, haha, I recall that one of my short college entrance essays was about my love of the art and how I saw it as a major force in my life.

When I wake up, I think "music."  When I go to sleep at night, my ears are usually enveloped by headphones so that I can continue my connection with melodies and musical soul, as expressed through others.   My mom told me last week that not a day goes by when I don't sing. Of course, I've long known this...and it's time for me to actively do something about it.

So, this coming Sunday I'm going to be performing publicly at a highly respected and popular NY club.  This place is the spot for the "it" crowd, including industry executives and performers. I've got my song picked out and am prepping myself so that I can deliver. Now, as the week passes I'm sure I'll find and HEAR all the reasons why I shouldn't perform. But SCREW IT.  When those doubts arise, I'll remember these thoughts. It's time for MY  change:

Okay, enough stalling.  It’s time for me to just chase the dream
I’ve had enough with telling myself I'm not ready
I’ve had enough with telling myself to wait just a little longer
I’ve had enough with being my own biggest obstacle

AND

I’m done listening to the naysayers
I’m done surrounding myself with lackluster company
I’m done with settling for acquaintances when I deserve friends
I’m done exchanging my trust and friendship for betrayal and confused concepts of love

After all, whose life is this? This is my life.
If I don’t chase my dream, who will?

So forget the “phonies”
Forget the haters
Forget the fickle friends

I’ve wasted enough time
This is my reality, and I have the power to follow Destiny or walk aimlessly
In this moment, I am making the RIGHT decision

...are you?

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Mmmm...Fantasies....le siigh

Right.

I'm 23. Stop dreaming and get real.

Right...?

I am NOT afraid to admit it.

So if you must know, here it goes:

I love Twilight.
...And the 3 sizable volumes that follow it.

I was somewhat smitten by Edward. But then Jacob appeared sounding so...INTENSE and sweet and HOTT ...in all senses of the word! I'm totally Team Jacob.

Now all these jokes about how females are now breaking up with boyfriends or rejecting suitors because they pale (excuse the pun) in comparison to Edward are funny. Honestly though, don't we all want someone that's willing to sacrifice everything for us? The struggles, of course, reinforces the bonds like tough times build character. But don't we all expect to win in the end? Not many people will willingly walk into a bad situation without the hope of coming out the ultimate victor.

23 and I'm still so invested in fantasies. I have no reason to believe that Perfect isn't out there. Don't assume I mean Immaculate. Immaculate is very creepy. The creep factor is NOT an endearing flaw. I don't know what Perfect looks like or how Perfect is supposed to be. But I do know that he is passionate, witty, kind, loving, among many other things. I don't want or need him to be Immaculate. I mean even beyond not wanting to be "That Girl that Immaculate is With," I need my man to need me sometimes, too.

Perfect, I know you're out there. Holla

For now, I'll read my stories. I don't think I'll ever stop enjoying these fantasies even if Perfect and I are Together and Forever. I'm a firm believer that these stories tell us a little about who we are. It's all about how we enjoy them. And I could very well be a hopeless romantic. Not the icky kind. I actually don't like roses and chocolates. Perfect knows I look forward to more atypical things. I can't say grand gestures aren't bold and appealing. But little moments are wonderful. (Especially for me because I can't seem to latch on to whole memories but I will remember random minute details. Go fig.)

(NOTE: I do NOT read trash. I don't need undulating parts and heaving other things to titillate me.)

I'm currently in the middle of re-appreciating the Saga and presently falling for Jacob all over again in New Moon. Le siigh

And btw, did anyone else catch that R. Pattinson somehow scored second row seats at the Oscars behind Mickey Rourke? Son was looking creepy Cullen-esque.

(Click pic for better resolution. The last one is funny)
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*Highlights* - Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

GOTHAM DAYS says:
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li comes out this week in theatres.



Now I was never up on the video games but who DIDN'T know who Chun-Li is?! Of course when Street Fighter first came out, it was a load of stereotypes perpetuated to perpetuate sales and Chun-Li came out in cutesy hair buns and a skankified qipao. From the looks of the trailer, it seems the movie managed to update its social etiquette manual and Chun-Li (played by Kristin Kreuk who found fame in another superhuman fantasy) looks...normal. What a relief! (Just a note, Kreuk is of mixed descent, not full-whateverAsiandescent. That may mean something to some people, but it doesn't really matter to me all that much...enough to mention the fact but not enough to piss myself over it.)

In this movie, Chun-Li is an InterPol agent out to avenge her father's death. I mean it's a movie based on a video game. Minimal plot is needed a long as the action fills up that void. So far, it looks alright. Check it out when it comes out on Friday!


The excitement level for the movie:
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*Highlights* - Island of Atlantis Found!

Also, for you fellow myth-lovers, the Island of Atlantis was found!

...but then...
...maybe not...yet

This little tease gets:

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*Highlights* - Madea May Deserve "Death Row"

MUSECATTO says:

Send Madea to “Death Row,” not “Jail”

Don’t be fooled by the #1 Box Office ranking Madea received this weekend. Clearly with Tyler Perry fans, the support will always make it to theaters…I just wish I hadn’t.

Following his creation of the dramatic and thrilling hits, “Why Did I Get Married” and “The Family that Preys,” Perry has revived the hugely popular and iconic Madea in the comedy “Madea Goes to Jail.” After seeing it, however, viewers may question whether Madea should have bypassed jail all together and gone straight to the Electric Chair.

This Madea installment offers the usual characters as well as the now-expected bold-faced, self-help doctrine. But where, oh where, was the Script(ure?)! After all, without a solid written foundation, all movies fall flat, and “Madea Goes to Jail” is no exception.

Here’s the good: The plot, which revolves around Madea’s crazy family, a tortured prostitute, and a few high-powered and attractive lawyers, certainly had its nuances and strengths. The new characters brought the welcomed character depth that we received in Perry’s most recent dramatic movie ventures. With quality performances by Derek Luke, Keshia Knight Pulliam (Rudy from “the Cosby Show”) and the surprising appearances of Dr. Phil and the ladies of “The View,” the film found a touch of redemption. Also, as with all Tyler Perry films, “Madea Goes to Jail” offered an inspiring, instructional, and honest message of hope.

So where did the film fail? Quite frankly, the predictability, blatant ideological banter, and underdeveloped dialogue made it difficult to ever fully enjoy the experience. In viewing this film, it becomes evident that Madea’s family is solely there for comedic relief. Unfortunately their character development is stagnant and the family’s over-the-top antics have become too familiar. Much like Perry’s spin-off shows “Meet the Browns” and “House of Payne,” the funny-factor is fleeting. In fact, most of the “laugh out loud” scenes have already been broadcast in the movie trailers.

Mr. Perry still needs to learn that while “wild and crazy” makes for a great time, without enough footing in reality, viewers won’t often find the world believable. The art of comic subtlety...

Ultimately, if you have a few hours to kill and are in the mood for a mediocre, pretty funny flick, then check out “Madea Goes to Jail.” Feel free to object to my verdict on the film and be your own judge. I’m curious to see what your ruling will be.

“Madea Goes to Jail” is in theaters now.

Madea gets:

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*Highlights* - Inanimate Love <3

SOUTHERN SUBSTANCE says:

Ok this video is a tad racy but hilarious nonetheless. I would venture to say this is not safe for work!!! Someone had a LOT of time on their hands when making this and I appreciate their efforts fully. Kept me entertained!



I'm kind of random in terms of what I find funny and interesting, so you can expect a lot of this from me. I tend to let the gossip sites and the big news sites handle the current events (as well as our other bloggers) as I tend to want to get away from all of that and entertain myself. I'm also a bit of a pervert :). This is right up my alley...

This alley show gets:

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