Outside the Bat Cave

Changes? O yes, I've changed. College has definitely changed me. Freshman Fifteen? More like FRESHMAN FIFTY.

Ok no, not that much. But my mom was looking for an emaciated me coming off that bus the first Thanksgiving break and didn't recognize me because I had gained weight. To her disappointment, I replaced homecooking with fatty American food instead of wasting away pining for Mommy's cooking.

Superficial physical changes are minor things that comes with growing up. Mental and emotional changes run a little deeper.

I've always lived in a bubble. Did I grow up pain-free? No. Did my mother shelter me too much? Some would say that, but she also didn't shy away from warning me about the darkness of human nature. Even with all the afterschool specials and the hokey family values shows like Boy Meets World and Full House, I still decided that bad things like drugs and bullies don't exist in my world. A bit of a defense mechanism.

All that changed in college. Slowly, I let a little more into my bubble. Now, I'm not saying that I was out getting drugged up, sexed up, and F'd up. I'm just saying that I let my guard down and let go of a lot of my naivete. In the process, I've learned a lot more about the world and about myself. I think I see the world with completely different eyes now. My innate NYer paranoia is reinforced but hopefully that means that I tread upon this world with more caution.

Am I still me after college? I think the core ME is still here. I have more or less the same set of values I've always had, except now I have experience flexing my moral muscles and seen more things to develop ideas about other things I've never had to deal with before.

I might cry a little easier because I'm not so afraid of ALL "weak" emotions, but I am a stronger person for coming to grips with being true to myself. The world is a big place. Too many things out there piss me off. If I carry a big enough stick, I won't have to speak too loudly. I will go far. I will learn plenty even with my bubble keeping me warm and sane. But a big stick is still a big stick. I'm not so afraid to look beyond that bubble anymore. I can't thank my friends enough for holding my hand while I do that.