Brokedown Blogger

Who or what am I? I don't have a damn clue...


I'm afraid but I'm not. Someday this new Me will emerge and I'll realize that this is the person I should have been all along and everything will be wonderful. I look back at who I was pre-college and I see the things in me that I used to love and cherish. My strength, confidence, positivity, and belief in myself have all diminished to varying degrees. These changes began my first term of Dartmouth which was a terrible one in terms of my education. Poor grades and, for the first time in my life, struggling to make it destroyed all of those things, and it would take the rest of my time at college to slowly begin to gain them back. The realization that I was no longer a whiz kid and that I was simply average killed me…I miss that old Me but I appreciate the many things I’ve gained and I’m sure down the road…I’ll realize the trade-off was worth it. I’m more open-minded, understanding, considerate now and that stubborn bull-headedness is always diminishing. My mean-spiritness and manipulative nature are also beginning to wane, so it’s all good.

-------------------------------------------------------
Physically- I gained too much weight from drinking and partying and non-stop snacking and ordering of fast food. The end.
-------------------------------------------------------

God I was stupid!!!! I thought I’d walk into college and upon recieving my degree, I’d be an expert in X field and ready to go out there and do everything. I thought I’d be able to write my own paychecks and that companies would be fighting over me! Needless to say, I’m no longer that naive and I realize what it takes to make it in this world. 50 years ago, this degree would have taken me so far, but now, now you can’t even get a job at McDonald’s without a college degree it seems. I will say this though, I can do anything. No … I’m serious. Liberal Arts colleges are wonderful for that kind of thing. I feel that I have the skill sets to place me in any industry and I would easily be able to perform well. Balancing all of my activities and differing jobs with 10-week school terms all honed my time management and prioritization skills. My grades weren't amazing, but I know that if I didn't work 15-20 hours a week and used a portion of that time to study, I would be much higher up on the GPA scale. I envied those people who didn't work at all, but I know that if I had to work full time to support myself in law school, as many people do, I could do so easily and still maintain.

College changed me and made me a slightly better person in society’s eyes in that I care more for others and that I am compassionate, understanding and more considerate. I think before I speak – trying my best not to offend while still stating my ideas. My “don’t give a F@$*” attitude has subsided and been replaced by one where I still don’t let others define me but I’m less harsh and abrasive in my actions, and words. The only things I want back are my confidence in myself and my belief that I am smart and not just average. Working towards regaining those and then I think I’ll be complete!