Ok…I’m going to introduce you to a part of me you may or may not like and you most definitely won’t agree with on many levels. I am… a bitch… and I have little sympathy for people who do stupid things. Michael Vick murdering dogs for the SPORT of dogfighting can rot in jail…I don’t feel sorry for him. Child molesters and sex offenders SHOULD have to register and there should be a big red X on their house marking that this person will do something bad to your children. Murderers should suffer in a cell with no tv…no nothing… don’t feel sorry for them (except for the ones who are wrongly locked up i.e. didn’t commit the crime…). I like the death penalty for those who are proven beyond a doubt/have admitted to be the criminal behind murders/rapes etc.
But there are innocent bystanders who do dumb stuff too…and I can’t extend my sympathy to them either. There was a kid whose hat fell off of a Six Flags Over Georgia ride. He hopped 2 fences that said “Danger…Do Not Enter” and had his head lopped off by the ride… Don’t feel sorry for ya kid. Sorry for your family maybe…but you…no. I think he was like 16 years old… he should have known better. AND FOR A HAT!!? And this whole thing with Chris Brown and Rihanna…if its true that she is trying to reconcile with him anyway… I’ll laugh if /when she gets beaten up this time. People like that don’t change…next time you piss him off…he may not just beat you up.
Now…there’s several reasons why I’ve now turned my back on her in particular. She has the means to escape what the media has said was an abusive relationship even prior to this incident. She has money, the love and support of family, celebrity friends, and the nation, and she has no ties with him such as kids and a marriage… There are women out there who have none or few of the above who manage to escape. And there are some who actually can’t. They may have kids and may lose them to the husband and never get to see them, or they may not be able to support themselves on their own. I do feel sorry for them and hope that they can eventually get out. Yea Rhianna…you love him, and maybe he loves you a bit… but if it was this easy to beat the crap out of you and then reconcile…then why wouldn’t he do it again? It’s a cycle my dear, and you have got to break it.
Me… I wish a guy would put his hands on me…especially a skinny POS like Chris Brown. He may get a lucky shot in or two… or he may actually beat me up. But I’ll tell you one thing…he’ll never be able to sleep around me or eat anything I cook. If I can’t beat you up… you will get what’s coming to you in one way or the next. I don’t like to be embarrassed and I love to get my revenge…I could be nice and just move out etc…but that’s not my style. I have never been hit by a man (besides my brothers growing up) so I can’t imagine what was going through her mind at the time. But I know the last thing I’d be thinking is… “God I love him. Will he stop hitting me so we can get back together”.
One of my favorite movies is Enough with JLO as the abused wife. Check it out if you haven’t seen it …
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
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LOL, I like your perspective. Too funny! You're just much stronger internally than a lot of other women stuck in these relationships.
ReplyDeletep.s. From the sound of it, I would never cross you...and pray for the fool who does
I have to admit, I like your style. I think that battered women who go back for "love" usually have deeper issues so I would offer my sympathy, but if a woman repeatedly returns to meet the same end, then I'm sure my tolerance for her delusional sense of reality would wane. That said, I couldn't turn my back on her because I can see what she has perhaps forced herself to ignore, and thus cannot see. I would speak my mind, gently, and refer her to people who could help her out of her situation (mentally, emotionally, physically, literally). It's easy to say that you'd "wish" for someone to beat you, but as someone who has witnessed it, you do NOT truly wish that. I would wager that what you truly wish is the opportunity to set a man straight if he even dared to cross you in such a way, but alas we are not omniscient and so when that smack flies across your face,"WHAP," you'd be stunned just as maybe Rihanna or any woman is when hit with such force. I'm sure your actions would be different, you'd exact revenge, but your mind would likely sift through a flurry of memories and emotions before landing on that. That's where one's choice lies, the point at which one's mind stops racing, and that's when you'd choose to hurt the dude instead of "going back for love." That is not to say that your mind wouldn't go back to blissful memories passed and emotions tug at you to forgive, even just for a second.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous...you are correct. I would love the opportunity to set these abusers straight and that was what I meant by the "wish". I have not directly witnessed abuse but have had family members and friends who have been abused. Some left immediately and I cheered for them. Others... it took years for them to realize their mistakes and they regret every moment that they wasted and are embarassed to admit it.
ReplyDeleteWhile I do agree that I should show some concern for these women who are possibly confused/disillusioned... I can't find it in my heart to do so. There are far too many examples that are highly visible and too many resources for these women to still be trying to learn things the hard way. Maybe earlier in the century when your family members would say "that's the way it is...deal with it" but not now. Unfortunately it is a glaring reality that this is an every day thing and I refuse to believe that people are still shocked and confused as to what to do. Step one: Run like hell. Step two: counseling from family and friends-detachment from abuser. Step three: Continue with life- yes...it will be hard but...very few things in life are easy.
I would love to talk to these abused women to see what so distorted their views but I dont have access to many of them. I know I'm harsh (at least I gave a warning) but that's just how I feel. Like you said... I may be momentarily stunned by that hit...stunned that he would have the audacity to treat me that way...but that "momentarily" would be highly literal for me. I'm not one of "those" people who thinks about memories and cries myself to sleep over this kind of stuff. If a guy put his hands on me... I would exact my revenge/turn him in whatever and quickly move on with my life. I know not everyone is as strong...but hopefully they can find that strength somewhere...
Hey, it's anonymous, again. I like how honest your post is. It personifies what a lot of people think, but fear saying. I was compelled to write because of three reasons. First, I liked your writing. Second, your post was provocative and I thought it deserved a response. Third, I was torn by that piece where one ceases to "show concern" and wanted to show an alternative viewpoint that would encourage action while still realistic about the situation. I am not criticizing you because I have this battle in other areas of life; showing compassion for someone who is not doing much to help him or herself is admittedly exhausting and frustrating. However, lack of affect is alarming. Why? Because if one can turn his/her blind eye on his/her neighbor, then atrocities happen and good deeds are supplanted for more self-serving ones. My point is, the more one turns a blind eye to the small things the easier it becomes to turn a blind eye to the larger ones. We can site the EXTREME tragedies like the many genocides that have occurred: Armenia, Germany, several parts of Africa. Or, we can site the break down of the social contract between the members of this society (the US) to help one another. Social conditions deteriorate when we stop caring about/helping each other.
ReplyDeleteNote I am not labeling you a perpetrator of these crimes or anything close to that. I am ONLY saying that when we as individuals become apathetic towards our neighbors' circumstances we choose the path of least resistance and collectively close our eyes to their demise. We, unfortunately (?), are social creatures. For our social fabric to continue weaving itself without clogging the machine so to speak, there must be some positive collaboration. Maybe this would better illustrate my point. Pretend there are no services for battered women in existence. Say a woman was repeatedly beaten by her husband, but she kept returning because she loved him. Then, one day she decided she wanted to get out. She turned to her family, her neighbors, her community. If everyone decided that she was too foolish for their concern, then where would she find the support to leave if she doesn't have the strength or the means to do it on her own? When would that first shelter for battered women be built or organized? Things get done when people care and like Malcolm X put it, when people get angry. So for those of you reading, DO SOMETHING! You don't have to save the person, but at least continue to give your honest opinion and offer the victim information (even while in your mind you curse their apparent stupidity)! If you need a reason, do it because a life is not a trivial thing lost.
FYI
ReplyDeletehttp://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2009/02/is_megans_law_w.html
give that a read :) Not saying that we shouldn't do anything to sex offenders, but looks like its not working so should be harsher or something else needs to be done.
Stefan
**Post above came out weird so I deleted and recopied it down here**
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - definitely wasn't offended by your post or took it as anything more than constructive and thought-provoking. I love to have dialogue like this because it does help to open my eyes to new points of view that I hadn't seen before. I am very honest and will be up-front about my opinions. I don't set out to offend or be ignorant...just offering my two cents and want to know what people think about them.
Thank you for even reading my post and picking it apart instead of just reading along the lines. You are right... I shouldn't turn a blind eye as these women do need help. While I still am opposed to the idea of returning to a man that abuses you, I do realize that there are often extenuating circumstances and sometimes I fail to consider the less obvious ones. I know that I am often harsh in my criticism because I do not understand certain situations as they haven’t applied to me personally and I can't foresee them happening to me, and though I'm still stuck on most of my views... I do think I need to take some time and consider their sides. I have been looking for a cause to get involved with- something to give back- and this might just be the thing. Maybe by spending time volunteering at a shelter that cares for these women who have managed to escape I can learn more of the reasons why they often stay.
I'm always open to dialogue and rarely take offense to people's opinions so please say what you feel!
P.S. to the poster above- thanks for the link. I have heard a bit about Megan's law through my job but this is pretty interesting. I myself did a search for offenders in my area and found a couple that live within a mile....The strange part is that I shrugged it off. What am I supposed to do? Break down their doors? I think that's why it’s ineffective...no one really knows about these ways to search and even when you do find out... you can't really do anything about it. I'm not advocating attacking them btw... I'm just saying...all you can do is warn your children about them etc.
http://www.felonspy.com/search.html
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the websites where you can find local criminals...this isn't the same one I used but it's close enough. I'm not sure how much this is updated either but it gives a good idea if you REALLY want to know your neighbors.
Anonymous, again. Southern Substance, I appreciate your openness. Thank you for considering my point of view. I have enjoyed this dialogue very much! I appreciate it! I enjoyed reading your work and I like the grit of your pen. I was not offended just uncomfortable and that's not always a bad thing so long as it brings about a positive end, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteIt's awesome that you may consider working with battered women for your cause. If you decide to take it up, I implore you to write a blog post about it. I'd like to gain your perspective during/after the experience.