Wow… I never realized how much school was a big part of my social life until I graduated from College. Think about it; you make friends in high school and college based on who you have class with or who is in your dorm and then you branch out from there. It hit me when I moved back home to a neighborhood of old people and middle school kids that it might be a little difficult to make friends. I mean in college, I met most of my friends at an event for students considering going to Dartmouth. I kept in contact with some of them over the summer and when I arrived there in September, most of the ones I had met actually lived in my dorm cluster. Over time I made other friends through clubs I joined and that kind of thing and we all formed a really close bond. Currently the crew is centralized in NYC with a few of us dotted elsewhere so it’s hard to keep in contact. It’s weird but…the further you live away from someone…the less you have to talk about. Think about it! I call one of my New York friends and its like “How is school/work? How are you? How is your family?” I feel like I’m their grandmother or something. We no longer know the same people or live in the same area so I’m not gonna know “who cheated on who” or why this couple broke up because I don’t know those people. It took me moving a thousand miles away to realize how hard this was going to be…
Making new friends is a task in itself. For one…I really don’t have a lot of time to go out and make friends. Here is my week:
M-F:
5:30 a.m. Wake up
6:45 a.m. Arrive at work
6:00 p.m. Leave work
7:30 p.m. Arrive home from work
10:30 p.m. Go to bed
Sunday Reserved ME TIME (though certain people are encroaching upon this…no names…)
I really only have Saturday to go out and do stuff and half the damn time I have to go in to work because some attorney decides Friday at 5:45 p.m. that they want something done by Monday morning. If that’s the case…tada… I can’t go out Friday and I have to get up at the crack of dawn Saturday to meet that lawyer at work. Now I’m tired Saturday too and don’t feel like going out. If I’m off on Saturday, one of my other friends has to work or is sick, so we rarely see each other. I’m going to have to figure something out because I do need a social life but I don’t want to be a damn zombie because I can’t ever get more than 5 hours of sleep…Screw adult life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Basically, my advice is this: Try to live near your college friends (or with them) when you graduate because once you move to a new city to start your full time job…it will be hell trying to find and make new friends and to maintain those old friendships. Trust me….
Friday, March 6, 2009
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Hmmm...I think I really lucked out when I moved back home from college. I remember thinking, "How am I suppose to recreate my social circle?," from what seemed like nothing. My advice, try to reconnect with high school friends who have remained in the area, even middle school. I have three high school friends and a couple middle school one's that I hang out with and speak to regularly. They are only a quarter of my social life, however. I say I lucked out because I went out one night in NY (I live in NJ) with a college friend who is very social soon after graduating. We were clubbing together and he introduced me to a group of girls (I was flying solo with the exception of my guy friends). Those girls have become my trusted group of girlfriends. They are everything I could have asked for in a group of girlfriends: kind, supportive, generous, fun, sociable, intelligent, inspiring and most importantly easy to get along with.
ReplyDeleteI also keep in touch with my college friends regularly. The acquaintances receive an occasional facebook check-in, but those who were truly my friends or my "rocks" as I like to call them are the one's that I speak with over the phone once every couple weeks or so, in addition to a facebook message or text here and there. What helps with these relationships is that I make it a point to plan weekends to visit. So, I've visited a friend out in Cali, friends in Boston and RI. I just returned from Maine with a few of them. I guess it helps that Boston and RI are only four hours away. Though, I think it's doable with those farther. If you're restricted to the phone then my advice is ask the probing questions. Just because you're far away doesn't mean that you're not the good and close friend you were before. It's not likely that your friends will feel strange divulging information about who's who and who did what. When you start to delve into those details with one another, dare to venture past how is work and other mundane questions, you'll find your relationship to be just as fulfilling as it was back then. Case in point, my BFF moved to SC sophomore year of high school. I have not seen her since (8 years), but I speak to her everyday and I still know everything about her and and everything that goes on in her life. We tell each other absolutely everything. She trusts me with her bank accounts for gosh sakes!
The last quarter of my social life is comprised of friends I made at work and random people from social events that I've met. I keep in touch with them and when I do that, for the most part they make an effort to reciprocate. We visit one another (go to different places around NJ, they come to NY or I go to Boston) and it works. Some live in NJ and others in CT. When you meet someone that you really vibe with, exchange numbers and text them the next day just saying something to the effect of: "Hey, this is Jane Doe. We met last night at Xlounge. I really had fun hanging out with you. Let's keep in touch/or hang out again soon. Then invite them out the next week or so. You'll have a friend sooner than you know it and your network will expand b/c you will likely meet his or her friends.
Finally, I just tried something new which may be of use to you. I went to a "Meetup" group because I wanted to improve my French. It was a little awkward at first, really because I couldn't remember much of the language, but if you prepare to be a bit uncomfortable for the first few minutes you're likely to get over that quickly, let loose and have a good time especially since everyone is open and interested in the same thing. It's like the first couple weeks of college; people are open to meeting and speaking with different strangers. I digress. I met some cool people and really enjoyed myself. I found this meetup group through meetup.com. It's a website of similar interest groups, so just type in something you're interested in and you're likely to find people in your area who are already meeting and discussing the topic. Also, a friend of mine recently decided that she wanted to join a recreational volley ball league, perhaps finding something like that would be helpful.
I understand being tired, but you're not likely to connect with someone unless you actually go out. Unfortunately, out in the real world, keeping up isn't as easy as bumping into someone on campus or in the dorm. I used to be terrible at it (really!). The sooner you meet people, the stronger your network will be and both your social and professional lives stand to benefit. So, perhaps start with a couple short e-mails and facebook messages and then branch out to drinks, dinners and movies on your friends' couches. Wow, do I sound like a Mom, sorry about that!
And I would agree it does help to stay close to where your friends relocate to, but I wouldn't do it unless the place was right for me.
WOOH! I wholeheartedly agree with Anon!
ReplyDeleteA meet up group sounds like a good idea - I definitely will look into it for Italian and possibly Spanish if I ever get off my lazy butt and start taking Spanish classes again. Doing it to meet people AND improve something about yourself is right up my alley- I love multitasking!
ReplyDeleteI know it takes a LOT of effort to keep up with so many people and its really hard but I do need to put the effort forth. I dont even get on facebook anymore- I at least owe my friends the occasional status update...I'll try to be better about that. My fellow bloggers will let you know how I'm doing! Lol!