Disney - A Stripper's Tale

Go Britney!
Go Lindsay!
Go Miley!
Go Vanessa! x2!

Since Disney loves producing our nation's next teen idols, I think it would be great if Disney's next flick was a documentary on the lives of its well-bred, corn-fed, underaged, singing and dancing talents. I mean look at the good Disney is doing! Because of this company's time tested program of isolation, exploitation, and expectation, "normal" children are being inspired to sing cute songs (Britney's "I'm a Slave"), act (Miley's acclaimed role as a young Asian girl), and dance (Lindsay's pole tumbling is 5 star apparently?).

Also, Disney's doing wonders for accelerating America's acceptance of very open, honest, and documented sexuality. Thanks to Disney child idols, the female anatomy is no longer a mystery to 6 year old boys. And forget what Mom always said about not walking "out the house without clean underwear on!" Heck, if our rich Disney idols have taught us anything, it's "why wear underwear in the first place?!"

Question: Was Melissa Joan Heart a Disney kid? If so, we've all seen what becomes of the ones who CHOOSE NOT to conform with Disney's strict regimen of lewd public behavior - their careers and social capital start plummeting fast.  Thank goodness Christina Aguilera found the delicate balance between social decency (celebrity suicide) and Disney Rawness (Fame and fortune)!

Hmm, I guess...now that I think about it, this documentary would have an "X" rating. That may not work....no, probably not.

Well, fortunately we don't have to worry! Even without an official Disney documentary, we'll always have E! News, Entertainment Tonight, The Soup, Wendy Williams, and Chelsea Lately to keep us updated on the latest cultural trends inspired by Disney students and alums.

I wonder what the next wave/craze will be. Since leaked nude cell phone pics and exposed VJs are quickly becoming SO last year, maybe Disney kids will start publicly masturbating? Hey, it would do wonders for pent up teen angst, right?

Thanks Disney!

BEFORE DISNEY - PLAIN JANE:         AFTER - MEET "CANDY":

*so glad I didn't have cable growing up*