When I'm Gone

How many people will miss me when I’m gone?



I have always had a morbid way of thinking- even as a small child. When you would see a funeral scene in a movie and a community coming together to make their peace with a character…I always wondered what my funeral would be like. Part of this was spurred on by my constant moving from place to place due to the military, and never settling down at any point. Frivolous friendships that I knew would only last for a year or so....I went to five high schools…imagine what my childhood was like….

I had never dealt with death face to face really…a snippet here and there…a pet dying…but never a person that I was extremely close to. Maybe I’m lucky that I’m estranged with most of my family. No hard feelings- we’re just not that close due to me moving around so much. These thoughts became more vivid when one of my friends in college was shot and killed while volunteering in her hometown. I had never dealt with the death of a close friend so this was hard for me. After grieving and hurting for a while…all I could think was…would anyone notice or care if I died? Look at all these people here for her…it should have been me instead! I have made no impact…no one even knows who I am. Of course this is not entirely true; I have close friends and family members that love me but I have not made an impact on hundreds (possibly thousands) like she did. I never stayed in one place long enough to…my neighbors never even know who I am…

These thoughts are selfish but…realistic. I know I’m not the only one who wonders what will be said in their eulogy or how many people will show up to their funeral. Wonders what impact it will have on your friends and family…if any. All I can do is try to be a better person and hope that I make a positive impact on someone…

Here’s to being a Good Person!