I haven't been 100% honest with you....
I know I always say I will…so here goes: I have been a great actress as of late…fooling everyone…even myself at times.
For the past…say…two months, I have been on the verge of getting fired from my current job. Sure…there was worry…which directly followed the fleeting moments of glory and a slight superiority complex seen HERE My clique (referenced in that post) has known about this for a long while obviously and has been on the warpath to save me. Round 1 was ours to take but…round 2…substantial blow.
So…if you’ve read that already…here’s the update (i.e. Round 2). The “chick” and an ally (we’ll be nice and not use a similar sounding word to describe them) weren’t too happy about being tattled on by the entire rest of the teams’ support staff and linked all of this drama back to me. They began complaining obsessively…directly to human resources instead of coming to me. If anything was missing or wasn’t printed…the finger was pointed at me. Eventually HR stepped in and I got called in for a meeting- what’s worse…I had no idea about 99% of their complaints, so this meeting was semi- out of the blue! I was FLOORED during this meeting and I was forced to sign a piece of paper saying that I was a) on probation b) if I were to quit/be fired, due to my disobedience (total bullshit- when the hell do I ever tell someone NO i won’t do a task…never!) I would not receive unemployment benefits c) if I even made a claim for unemployment, the firm would swiftly appeal. I had a little over a month to shape up or I was gone! I was screwed…
I went through many steps throughout this period…similar to the steps before an imminent death:
-Denial– This can’t be the end – How can they fire me for just two women’s thoughts of me when everyone else likes me!
-Anger- I began browsing yahoo jobs and monster during my lunch breaks and on my way to and from work on my cell phone. I would be long gone before they even had the chance to fire me andddd I would not give a two weeks notice. I started slacking on all of my work (for them) so that if I got fired…they would have a months’ worth of shit to do. I also started racking up 10-20 hours a week of overtime and saved all of my vacation days so that I’d get a ton of extra money to pad me during my firing. I also started taking all of my personal stuff home because I’d be damned if I had to do the walk of shame with the box.
-Bargaining– Well… maybe I can save myself if I just go and talk to them. Decided against this part as I could not watch them gloat and I refused to grovel. Instead I would simply be cordial to them and attentive to their damn needs and see where that got me.
-Depression– Don’t give a damn…
-Acceptance- started seeing positives out of either outcome. If I’m fired, I no longer have to wake up at the crack of dawn and I can just find a part-time job in a restaurant or something and start studying to take my LSAT again. If I keep the job, I can continue saving for Law School and hobknobbing with the lawyers here.
On Friday my phone rang and I knew what it was. I had already said goodbye to my friends here and wished them luck. I let them know that if I was fired…there would be no coming back to say goodbye- I was leaving right from the office. All of my personal items were at home except for my purse and jacket, both of which I carried with me upstairs to Human Resources. The walk was a long one….I started to feel myself getting nervous and possibly on the verge of tears but I told myself NO…you’re not going to give her the satisfaction. I strolled in…sat down…and waited.
“Day and Night” she said (I love that song by Kid Cudi by the way). “You have changed so much that we have decided to keep you” and blah blah. So I kept my job and my pride all at the same time. I am still, however, searching for a part-time position in a law firm as soon as July hits (my one-year mark). I still want to do that LSAT thing. We’ll see.
The weirdest thing is…that “Don’t give a damn” thing won’t fade. I was told to reduce my hours slightly (which was to be expected due to the massive amounts of overtime I’ve been logging) which means I get to come in later! I do my job better because now I’m not so worried about every minute detail being wrong and complained about. I don’t stress coming in to work or stress having to see their faces…I just don’t care. Did I win Round 3?
I almost got fired and it feels so good. I’m free.
Just one lesson learned- no matter what people say about equality...there is always a hierarchy. Learn it...live it...love it. Befriend the powerful then work your way down!
-Anger- I began browsing yahoo jobs and monster during my lunch breaks and on my way to and from work on my cell phone. I would be long gone before they even had the chance to fire me andddd I would not give a two weeks notice. I started slacking on all of my work (for them) so that if I got fired…they would have a months’ worth of shit to do. I also started racking up 10-20 hours a week of overtime and saved all of my vacation days so that I’d get a ton of extra money to pad me during my firing. I also started taking all of my personal stuff home because I’d be damned if I had to do the walk of shame with the box.
-Bargaining– Well… maybe I can save myself if I just go and talk to them. Decided against this part as I could not watch them gloat and I refused to grovel. Instead I would simply be cordial to them and attentive to their damn needs and see where that got me.
-Depression– Don’t give a damn…
-Acceptance- started seeing positives out of either outcome. If I’m fired, I no longer have to wake up at the crack of dawn and I can just find a part-time job in a restaurant or something and start studying to take my LSAT again. If I keep the job, I can continue saving for Law School and hobknobbing with the lawyers here.
On Friday my phone rang and I knew what it was. I had already said goodbye to my friends here and wished them luck. I let them know that if I was fired…there would be no coming back to say goodbye- I was leaving right from the office. All of my personal items were at home except for my purse and jacket, both of which I carried with me upstairs to Human Resources. The walk was a long one….I started to feel myself getting nervous and possibly on the verge of tears but I told myself NO…you’re not going to give her the satisfaction. I strolled in…sat down…and waited.
“Day and Night” she said (I love that song by Kid Cudi by the way). “You have changed so much that we have decided to keep you” and blah blah. So I kept my job and my pride all at the same time. I am still, however, searching for a part-time position in a law firm as soon as July hits (my one-year mark). I still want to do that LSAT thing. We’ll see.
The weirdest thing is…that “Don’t give a damn” thing won’t fade. I was told to reduce my hours slightly (which was to be expected due to the massive amounts of overtime I’ve been logging) which means I get to come in later! I do my job better because now I’m not so worried about every minute detail being wrong and complained about. I don’t stress coming in to work or stress having to see their faces…I just don’t care. Did I win Round 3?
I almost got fired and it feels so good. I’m free.
Just one lesson learned- no matter what people say about equality...there is always a hierarchy. Learn it...live it...love it. Befriend the powerful then work your way down!
Posts
INSANITY!!! All the more reason to push to be at the top
ReplyDeleteIt really opens your eyes to a lot of things. I guess I should have made my "things I learned" list longer.
ReplyDelete1) Unless you have been at the firm for a while and you have any type of rank...HR is NOT on your side. I was told things like "they have been doing this for 10 or more years...listen to them and do what they say. They obviously know way more than what you could have learned in 8 months." As if it takes 10 years to learn how to organize a file efficiently...
2)When a job is listed as a 1 year or less position- don't try to stay any longer. They are pretty smart...they know the threshold for pain that most people can take. I can't imagine this being a career...I would rather die.
3) Pick a "personality" and stick with it. The guy before me...who the "chicks" loved...stuck to himself and spoke to no one. He came in, did his work, and then left. No problems but no positives either. I swooped in trying to be friends with everyone and realized that that wasn't going to work. I should have been true to myself and stopped that fake bubbly shit...because there's no way I can keep that up. lol
Oh and...most importantly...I learned how NOT to treat my support staff. The lawyers don't essentially do as much as what is shown on TV. Their secretaries do the brunt of the work (getting 1/2 the pay!). I hear secretaries say all the time that the meaner the lawyer is to them...the longer they take to do his/her work. I always hear "if he were nicer to me...I would take more pride in getting his work done efficiently and quickly!". Note to self...be nice to your underlings!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting! I had a sorta similar experience at my job - not so much on the verge of getting fired, but where I really had to step up my game (around month 7). Ultimately, I also became a Day and Night story, but I was NOT going to wait around and endure the pain/exploitation just because they were suddenly happy with me. I waited until everything became nice and cozy; nobody important even registered my hatred for the job. Then I quit on them, haha. It wasn't vindictive, but a personal choice and the right time.
ReplyDeletep.s. I would NOT have signed that "No Unemployment" agreement...well maybe I would have hah. Instead I might've quit, tried to get unemployment for the 6 months, and applied for new jobs.
That's exactly what I'm doing- and mine was month 8. Maybe we're not cut out to be underlings? I'm still going to bounce on them- just need a back up plan (i.e. a part-time job already set up or something like that). We're all buddy buddy laughing and chit chatting now but I'm still gonna throw up the deuces as soon as I can!
ReplyDeleteYou would have... it was posed as sign or pack your shit now. I at least wanted to have 2 or 3 more paychecks before I got kicked to the curb lol. This is a law firm...they would appeal the unemployment with ease (they have done that to three other people recently and won). So instead of doing the unemployment thing...I'm just going to continue working and applying for other jobs and that way I'm getting a nice pay check annnnd leaving on my terms.
I was in a similar situation except I lost my job. My only advice to you is while you may be free, it's difficult leaving a job knowing your name will be poisoned once you leave it, so get recommendations from people you trust while you're still there and get them BEFORE you leave!!! Speaking of which, does anyone have advice for someone who was fired and is trying to get a new job without recommendations from their last and only real job?
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about that :(. It's a difficult time and I wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteYour situation is tricky because that was your only "real" job so upon seeing your skill sets on your resume- they will want to know where those came from. If you cannot list your old job due to bad reviews etc, hopefully you can still claim those skill sets based on other things you've done. Prior to that job did you work (even just a bit) in a particular area to which you can attribute your skills with a spin...a la "Proficient in _____ computer program... I volunteered at an animal shelter for 6 months and got accustomed to that program during this time". I think that would work out nicely. That would have been the route I headed had I gotten fired- twisting my skill sets to other jobs I've had or classes I took in College.
I am working on recommendations now - thanks for the advice. Luckily for me, a lot of people know the situation and are on my side (attorneys included) and would gladly give a recommendation- I learned the hard way to befriend those you work with to make this recommendations thing easier.
And yea...as sick as it was...my main concern/fear about getting fired was - how many people would look at my empty desk and assume I'd gotten fired? This is a very temporary position- most people just do this between undergrad and law school - so my fear was that people wouldn't automatically assume that I'd just moved on to prepare for law school.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your feedback Southern Substance! I hadn't thought of removing my former employer from my resume altogether. Perhaps I can construct a functional resume instead.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear things are working out well on your end, at least on the recommendation front. Thank you for your well wishes and the same to you!