I'm Tired of Being Cozy

Man, why am I so tired when it's Monday morning? The week is just beginning, and I feel like I've been slaving on some project for days ... ... oh wait, I have, lol.

I don't know what it is but my life and motivation schedule is so warped these days. Perhaps it's because I'm on an extended vacation (unemployed), but I only seem to get motivated when the rest of the world is relaxing:

I'll write blog entries at 4am, web design from 10pm to 3am, and do my most substantial amount of work over the weekend. Mind you, I have plenty of time during the week yet I still like cramming work into condensed, pressurized chunks of time. I understand that I was the same way in colllege, but back then I had the excuse of having frequent rehearsals and extracurricular activities. These days, I truly should be the master of my time...so why am I not?

I really feel like time has almost been the dominating party in our relationship, instead of the other way around. I'm supposed to be making good use of the bountiful freedom I've been blessed with. Yes, blessed.

Well, I'm happy to report that I am really getting annoyed with myself - the second step! Step one was acknowledging the problem. At this point I'm practically tired of myself, or my old "tricks" if you will. I think I'll be turning over a new leaf effective immediately. It also helps that my parents are home this week, so they won't be tolerating my abnormal waking and sleeping hours too much.

As you should know by now, I like to identify patterns and trends. In writing this entry, I've come to realize my affinity for "cozy" situations applies even to my work ethic. I don't deal well with open-ended, loose projects because they fail to attract me and hold my attention. If, however, placed in an impossible situation with tight-deadlines and unbeatable odds, I'll gladly perform with due diligence and make it happen. I've just always liked tight, small, enveloping places, I guess both physically and mentally.

Hmm, I'm starting to sense that any outwardly positive change in my life will be quite painful internally. Follow me: I currently gravitate towards cozy things, which could also be categorized as private things; all the good experiences I seek involve others, "the public"...

... So all that rambling just to arrive at a point I already knew:  I am private and need to open up socially, physically, and mentally in order to be successful by world standards.  Again, I guess the important thing is that I'm approaching step 2 - frustration with status quo.

I'll keep you all updated as to my progress with altering my sleeping patterns. I'm finally beginning to crave interaction with the outside world, communication, and a healthier (socially normal) lifestyle. Send positive thoughts my way, please.

Thanks, haha

Oh, how do you like the new Blog layout? I'm proud and enjoying it right now. I hope you are too.

Be well,