I proudly yet humbly confess... NOPE, Never. I don't know what it is but either my parents, my religion, or my innate sense of right/wrong/self-preservation really gave me a resolute mind. I'm proud of that, but I won't spend this entire entry on a high & holy trip, as that's not my style. Instead, I'm going to mention the one instance, less than a year ago, where my resolve against drugs showed very REAL signs of crashing down.
Let's make a long story short and just say, I was still working at very demanding, time consuming, fast-paced, Company X. Having almost worked there for a year, I'd become used to surviving off of frequent stress induced adrenaline rushes. My life at this point was certainly not what I'd planned for, but I was acclimated. Mentally, I know I wasn't healthy. Physically, I was skinnier than ever and my mom started saying my eyes were sinking in. Regardless, I was still dedicated to the job I despised, working 12 - 15 hour days pretty often and pulling occasional all-nighters at the office, just so I could review/complete my projects with quality and on-time.
After a year of this lifestyle, I was no longer myself. My sense of humor had darkened, I seldom saw my family, and the slightest thing could upset me and send me over the boiling point. Fortunately for me, I'm naturally a pretty jolly, good spirits guy, so job and life struggles didn't propel me to the goth/suicide extreme but rather simply transformed me into a desperately impulsive, joy-hunting guy.
Being miserable, I sought to find pleasure in any moments and places I could, and on one particular Friday I decided to spend the night at a friend's city apartment. This friend was a notorious - let's call it like it is - Weed Head. He wasn't an addict by any means, but if ever offered weed or any other drug for that matter, besides cocaine or heroin, he'd probably accept. Within an hour of arriving at this friend's place, several guests and roommates showed up and began nurturing each others' craving for a high (that's how drug use happens in groups..."A: If only I was high. Hey, do you want to get high with me? B: I don't know, maybe. Besides we don't have any...? A: ...yeah, I do. It'd be so much fun. You know you want to! B: You're right haha, let's do it...I hate you, haha").
Well sure enough, in walks the drug supplier with all types of treats including a powerful NEW drug we'll call "SLV." Everyone else seemed instantly excited and ready to try this new exotic product. Of course they tried persuading me to join the festivities, making statements like, "oh, it's not illegal. It's safe. It's scientifically proven to be healthy. The high only last 10 minutes." Whatever! Their B.S. aside, my life was currently in the pits. Combine that with my inherent curiosity for new things and newly developed impulsivity and you get a weakened person. I remember thinking to myself "What's the harm? Life is so boring and mundane these days. Join the adventure. I need something new. Why not just try it? No one else will know." Had my friends not been so anxious to get high themselves and had they just pushed me a little more, I might have caved under the pressure. I guess now I'll never know. In that situation, reason, worry, and conviction were the things that managed to keep me far enough at bay.
I made the right choice too, because I watched two of my friends have very "bad trips" in which they saw the world and themselves literally "peel away" and really thought that they no longer existed and no one remembered them. Can you even imagine that?
I quit my job less than 2 months after this experience. Watching my mental strength falter was yet another exposé on how unhealthy my life had become. Rather than sink further, I let this experience provide additional motivation to drastically change my life situation.
Now, I'm pretty much back to normal. Unemployed, yes, but drugs are as unappealing as ever. I'd like to say I will never do drugs, but honestly, you never know. I'm strong, but I'll always be curious. Still, I'm naturally prudent and plenty of things pique my interest more than drugs. So here's to hope...
Be well,
Posts
I've never tried any drug other than alcohol and even then I never enjoyed it. To me, there are only two types of drug addicts: people who are privileged enough to afford both the drugs and their harmful ramifications, and those who have been mislead by the aforementioned group.
ReplyDeleteOn campus at least it is evident that the people who engage in this drug "culture" don't have the courage to face themselves and the fact that they don't have a personality.
Hmm! Wow, that was a VERY insightful statement you made!
ReplyDelete"To me, there are only two types of drug addicts: people who are privileged enough to afford both the drugs and their harmful ramifications, and those who have been mislead by the aforementioned group. "
Just great and probably quite accurate (of course, the actual drug users would disagree)