Would You Have Helped Her?

When you see a beggar on the street, what do you typically do? Better yet, what do you usually think?

This past weekend, I was hanging out with a friend in Union Square (New York). The sun was still shining and we were looking for a place to eat. As we were walking around a corner on our way to Pizza Hut, a pleasant voice grabbed our attention...

"Excuse Me," says a woman.

My friend and I turn around to see a taller white woman, probably 5'8" and 29 years old, had politely stopped us. She fit the description of the talented NY artist perfectly - retro yet trendy glasses, comfortable and loose earth-toned linen clothes, a bohemian-style shoulder bag strung across her body, curly dirty blond hair in a ponytail. There was a creative, generous, and thoughtful look to her.

"I'm sorry," she says, "but do you happen to have any change you could spare me?"

After a very slight pause, my friend replies "I'm sorry, I don't have any change." I nod my head in agreement and tell her "sorry."

The woman gives us a very slight, embarrassed smile and turns to cross the street, quickly blending back into the young crowd that frequents the Union Square area.

What made this encounter so profound was that my friend and I proceeded to talk about this woman, our perception of her, and our reaction for the next 40 minutes. Right after leaving the woman, both of us expressed how we had only expected her to ask for directions. After all, the woman had been alone and was looking somewhat lost, so when she stopped us we were ready to give her any directional help she needed. When instead, she asked for money, we were for lack of a better word, shocked.

To be blunt, the woman did not look like a beggar; she just looked like an alternative white woman. Neither of us had ever been solicited for money by anyone that looked like her. Additionally, you could hear the awkward discomfort and shame in her voice as she asked for our help. Walking away after having denied such a "nice" person, we couldn't help but feel bad and wonder why we were experiencing these emotions on such a degree, when countless beggars before and after her have/will not inspire the same emotions. And the discussion began...

Did the beggar's "whiteness" cause us to feel such sympathy? Or perhaps it was purely because she was a woman, a kind woman? No no.

Having had some time to consider the event, I think there were two factors at play that each sparked different reactions.

1. Race combined with status - The "beggar" being white and seemingly kempt caused us to expect an innocent, impersonal, basic question. The request for money was simply surprising and unexpected because it went against any norms we'd been subliminally taught to accept by society.

2. Her sincerity and emotion - Unlike many "beggars" who after months of asking for money, grow indifferent to soliciting the help of strangers. This woman was clearly new to her financial situation and emotionally weathered by having to set aside her pride on so many levels. The emotional/personal element of her request is what resonated the most and made us ultimately analyze our thoughts about her for so long.

As justified as we may be in experiencing the feelings we did, post-incident, we couldn't deny the tinge of disappointment we felt in ourselves for giving that particular beggar so much more thought and attention than...say...a black, disheveled one. We know it's not SIMPLY a race issue FOR US. But for others, who knows. Maybe it would have been.

No matter, that experience just hammered home the reality of our social and economic times. Everyone is feeling the burden and no person - rich or poor, artist or businessman, man or woman, yellow or red - is exempt from possible struggles. Lastly, we all need to check our personal biases and completely revamp our ideas of what's expected of certain groups in our society.

How would you have reacted?

Happy 4th & Be well,