Meh

Short and sweet...

I apologize for the lack of a post last week and the shortened post for today- I have been, as all of our bloggers are currently, stacking my chips and working on getting some other opportunities together. Been working my ass off at work and trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do for the next few months.

Work has been so crazy lately- when it rains...it pours! New policies have been enacted which has shifted more burden on the people in my position. While that's going on...a Partner, whom I enjoy working under and am learning a lot from, has decided to give me more responsibilities...something I can't and don't want to say no to... Remember...this is all going to look great on my resume. What this means is...more work, more hours, and less 'surfing the net time'.

I'm also getting together my own law school apps so that I can be just like our buddy Guy- overwhelmed and working toward the future. Hopefully I can get off my ass and get these apps in Early Decision so I'll know soon where I'm going to end up IF I manage to get in anywhere. I've been speaking to a ton of people, normal people like me...not ones like Guy who practically aced the LSAT (hate you) who say that they didn't get in on their first set of apps and had to wait a year. Oh God....that CANNOT happen. Nervewrecking....

This realization that I might not get in to the places I want to go (and the realization that some schools cost like $70,000 a year...) has made me start looking less at the Ivies and more at state and other schools. I've been taking more factors into consideration- what schools are best based on what I want to study? What interesting other courses are offered (Should have looked at that for undergrad...)? Where would I want to live/intern/practice law? Where would be CHEAP but still give a great education? I will most likely end up in a Georgia or NC school due to the fact that I'd get In-State Tuition because I have lived/currently live in those places. We'll see. Shifting away from that name thing and more towards practicality....

Anyway- just wanted to touch base! Got a lot to do!


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*Highlight* Boys Behaving Badly?

Ever had a flaming shot? Well...there's a certain skill to it....


Another Flaming Shot Goes Bad - Watch more Funny Videos

Not how you do it....maybe the next guy...






Nope....10 points for blowing the fire out though...

Link:

No...and...Hell No....

Flaming eye shot fail
by CSJay

Interesting approach...but no.

Step One: BLOW THE DAMN THING OUT.

5/5 for My personal enjoyment!






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Affirmative Action and Me

Affirmative Action: positive steps aimed at increasing the inclusion of historically excluded groups in employment, education and business. Such steps are not designed to offer preferential treatment to, or exclude from participation, any group. To the contrary, Affirmative Action policies are intended to promote access for the traditionally underrepresented through heightened outreach and efforts at inclusion.

Definition taken from the American Association for Affirmative Action


To be honest…I don’t know how I feel about Affirmative Action. It has had a really negative effect on me but, by the same token, I can see its purpose pretty clearly. Personally, it has clouded my perception of myself and my sense of self worth to a huge degree. Every step I take, every opportunity I get, I have to wonder if I’m only getting it because I am black and because I am a woman; the higher I go, the worse this gets. I know…I know! People have been fighting in this country for ages for leaps towards equality and here I am complaining that a major move towards it is ruining my life. But let me give you a peek into what I mean.

While I enjoyed my time immensely at Dartmouth and proved my worth by keeping an above B average (I had a rough first year…), I always felt that the white, more privileged students were often thinking that I had only gotten in because of affirmative action. Now, to be honest, I’m sure they weren’t even worried about me or what I was doing there, but I always felt that I had to represent black women (and black people) positively. I had to show them that the negative portrayals in movies and on t.v. were not correct! Again…I was probably imagining their thoughts of me but the pressure was so immense.

As I neared graduation and we began to look for jobs…I was told by several people that the fact that I’m a black person AND a woman would bode well for me in the professional marketplace. Someone referred to it as “killing two birds with one stone”; it would be better for the company to hire a black woman rather than a black man and a white woman… what the hell? Now, I have to be honest. In high school and college, I hated the notion that the color of my skin would take me further than someone who might be more qualified than I. I didn’t want anything handed to me on a platter; I just wanted to get in on my own merit. Now…now that I realize how hard it is to break into the professional world without strong background references…fuck it. At my current job, there are a lot of young blacks like me here trying to break into law school and, quite frankly, this will look good on our resumes. From what I can tell, we are all qualified young blacks who come from middle to lower-class backgrounds. No one has a parent that attended Harvard Law or who works as a lawyer or judge currently. Not having a background or a strong reference to break into this bloated field means that a lot of people will get overlooked (think: those questions on college/law school apps- Has anyone in your family attended ______ Law?). If being black will get my foot in the door and make them take a closer look at me…I’ll take it. I don’t want to be accepted just because of my color or sex…I just want to be considered!



So I guess affirmative action is a good and bad thing. Good because it forces companies to diversify and have people of all backgrounds and upbringings and levels the playing field for those who may not have even been considered for schooling or a job. Bad because it allows people that hold racist ideals to have more fuel against those that they view as lesser than them and lowers the self esteem and self worth of those who may feel that an opportunity has only arisen due to their skin color, sex, sexual preference or whatever.

Double-edged sword I guess. I know…I know…damn women/minorities are never satisfied!


Interesting article about affirmative action in the Supreme Court and why affirmative action is better as a race-based system.

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Off My Chest

I'm suffering and struggling to keep my eyes open because I couldn't sleep last night.... I have held this in for so long but I have to get it off of my chest.

When I was in college... a close friend of mine was raped. It was a horrible situation and it still haunts me as I’m sure it does her. I have these dreams...they will come out of nowhere…I’ll have had a happy day and be on my way to bed and then the next morning I’m so tired and stressed and I have snippets of the dream playback in my mind. Oh I had that dream again.

There’s so much guilt involved in this…sometimes I’m able to repress it and I can go months without thinking about it… It will always be with me though because there is so much regret and it was never officially closed in the manner that I would like. That and the fact that, had I been a better friend and more careful, the situation probably wouldn’t have happened. She was soooo drunk and was having a good time dancing in a pretty small party. About thirty minutes later, I realized she was gone and called her cell phone. Maybe she headed home to sleep it off I thought. I had this sinking feeling though and something told me to go and look for her.

The party was in what we called the NAD (Native American House on campus) and I had never been in there, so, although it was a small house, I didn't know what all of the rooms were. I made my way upstairs...peeking in open doorways...listening at doors. I heard nothing. I headed downstairs; there was a door that lead to a room that looked like the storage room in my own building so I assumed it was locked. If only I had opened that door...

My dreams of this situation haunt me; I wake up with tears streaming down my face and in actual physical and emotional distress. If I had just opened that fucking door I could have saved her!!! After I wake up, I force myself to think the situation through, to imagine what I would have done to this asshole if I had walked in. She had been dancing with him all night and had snuck out of the party to make out with him. She told him from the jump that she didnt want to have sex and when things started progressing, she tried to leave the situation. He was able to hold her there and do his dirt. If I had walked into the door, I would have killed him. Maybe its a good thing I didn't because there's no way I could have controlled my rage. I see myself picking up a broom or some object and swinging it baseball style across the side of his head. Or tackling him and wailing on him with my fists- releasing all the anger I had from my own similar situation. I'm so angry- why couldnt I have just opened the fucking door?

She told me that it hurt so badly that she blacked in and out of it but awoke to him getting dressed. He was telling her that it wasn't rape because she agreed to it and that she should stop crying. He gave her his cell phone number...he actually put it in the phone for her... See, he said, if I raped you...why would I give you my number? Dumb ass. He then left the room. She sat there crying for a bit...staring at the ruined couch cushions. Looking back, there was sooo much blood. She then flipped the cushion over and came to find me. I had already headed home and was talking with my friends when she called me. The moment I heard her voice, I knew something was wrong. I ran out of the room, probably scaring the shit out of my friends, and ran to her. She was at the entrance to our building but couldn’t get in. Blood on her pants. I knew...there was no need to ask. I said Where is he...where did it happen? and she motioned to the NAD, conveniently across the street from where I lived. I ran up to the door and started banging as hard as I could. I didnt know the code and couldnt get in and I didnt give a fuck that it was 4 am. Someone opened the door confused; they were still cleaning up from the party. I ran down to the basement and burst in the door. Some guys were on that couch! They didnt realize that they were sitting on a crime scene! I said "Move.." and flipped the cushion over. They were startled. I called Safety and Security and a female officer showed up within minutes. She came in and saw the cushion and we headed to the hospital where we spent the day doing a rape kit and checking her out. She got medicine for all of the STDs and got some cream for the rips and tears in her private area and for the bleeding. I feel like a horrible friend because I was zoning in and out at the hospital- I had been drinking pretty heavily that night as well- but I was doing my best to be there for her. We were there so long...until like 11 the next morning.

I regret the whole fucking thing but I definitely regret flipping the couch cushion over in front of those NAD guys. They figured it out and got him off campus and home to Maryland or wherever the fuck he was from....He wasn't a student...just some idiot up there for a party weekend...

I wish I had opened the door. Even if I had killed him and was rotting in jail for my crime...it would have been worth it.

If you're reading this, I'm sorry...call/e-mail me! I miss you...








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*Highlights* - Ivy League Bound

Another highlight about Harvard this weekend.

This Brooklyn-born brainiac was homeless most of her life. But she didn't let Nothing bind her. In fact, nothing bound her. Now, she's Ivy League bound.


Her story is nothing short of inspirational. Things happen. It is what it is. Misfortune defined her situation but it never defined her identity. She realized she had potential to be great and kept her eye on the prize. She made it into Harvard and she is still reaching for the stars.

For those of us that have lost sight of our goals (especially post graduation...from an Ivy League), she puts possibilities back in perspective.

Thanks, Khadijah. Best of luck to you!

Here is her story.

The amount of self-empowerment in her brilliance:

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China Pt. 2 - "Poop on the Street"

At the suggestion of Southern Substance, I'm posting another entry from my Chinese study abroad journal. Setting: Shanghai, China. This time it was early morning, and I'd just walked two blocks from my apartment on my way to my Kung Fu lesson! Suddenly...

Shanghai might be a really modern and beautiful city, but I don't ever remember seeing a huge pile of human feces on a Beijing Sidewalk ...  The emotions I experienced in this instance:

...............................

*Was going to post something deep earlier today about how all people/s are the same (from observations I've made and such), but I don't feel like struggling with English right now, haha.  You have no idea how hard it's become for me to express my ideas clearly and succinctly.

Ah well

Okay, now I'm getting sad, lol. If only I could turn back the hands of time. Even after the China experience ended, life was so great. I had junior summer on campus with friends and a remarkably eventful senior year. I guess life is really how Anna Nalick wrote in that song a few years back, "Breathe (2am)."

"Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button girl, so cradle your head in your hands.
And breathe...just breathe"

Once again, Be well! Read more...

The RUNS in China...It's an Epic Sport

Chinese food doesn't agree with me...and I'm Chinese.

Well...I guess the difference would be my family is from southern China. We eat vegetables and fish. In the north, where I studied for 3 months, I didn't get a lot of vegetables or fish and everything I ate was GREASY.

gross.

Ok. My time in China...Priceless. Loved seeing my culture and my people's history!

But BOY did I have the runs for 3 months!!! UGH. And this is on top of food poisoning on a 2 week trip.

One thing I learned, is how to hold all that shit in. LITERALLY. I managed to avoid using the SQUATTERS except when I went up a mountain and had to ditch the group when I felt like I was going through menopause...hot one second, freezing the next. I found the ROW of public squatter restrooms I saw as I headed up the mountain. By the time I got to the restrooms, I felt better so I thought I would just pee. The smell as I stepped into the port-o-potty style holes in the ground was UGH!!! I thought, o well. But the second I closed the door the STENCH enveloped me and triggered stomach spasms. In other words: I hurled BIG time.

I have good aim with my projectile vomit. Everything ended up in the hole and I pressed the button on the side of the port-o-potty that moved the bag down like a diaper genie. Awesome.

Obviously there is more to my stay in China other than ughtastic bowel movement. I'll save the boring stuff for another post.

Let this story STEW for a little bit. YUM
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Qué Onda México?

GUEST COLUMN:

When I landed in Mexico, I was broke and without a cell phone. I lost my card running through the Houston airport terminal trying to make my flight and by the time I landed in Mexico, my cell phone had lost all service. I spent my first night with my home-stay family trying to explain how I needed to call America and order a replacement and that it was toll-free. Thank God the father of the house spoke some English and after 12 transfers and two hours later, my new card would be sent by next week. What a way to enter a foreign country right? My family however was more than understanding and helpful.

I would say from there it was smooth sailing but like life, there is never a clear path. Yet, there are all ways green patches.

I spent three months in Puebla, Mexico, from January to March, studying Spanish language and culture through my school's study abroad program. It wasn't like the Mexico that is portrayed in America. Some of the people in Mexico are well-to-do; I mean really well to do. They have their 1% of wealth just like in America. I went to college with kids wearing Burberry handbags, and Gucci and Prada flip-flops.

Besides the classes, I liked spending time and talking with my family the most. I wish I would have spent more time with them. The mother cooked me anything I wanted even though I didn't want much. The father loved talking politics, and the grandson was one of the cutest babies I have ever seen. They taught me so much about the Mexican dynamics of family and how much people loved Barack Obama better than Bush.

Through my program, I climbed pyramids and visited ancient cities like Teohucan where the Aztecs lived. I've walked through a coffee plantation, witnessed the production of chocolate in the form we know it as, and saw how much effort goes into making a rug. I bought a really nice one! Soccer games have more edge to them in Mexico. I learned some colorful new vocabulary that day. On a more dangerous note, I learned old Mexican horses and mountains don't mix, but it may be worth it to see a waterfall.

Too me it felt like I had celebrity status in Mexico, but after a while the staring got boring. Due to Mexico's homogenous population, people started at me, asked me about my hair and how it could be braided, and even took pictures with some of my black friends. Later we learned that a deep-seeded prejudice against Afro-Mexicans exist and those Afro-Mexicans have been exiled. But you wouldn't know it just by asking someone. There is also prejudice against the Native people of Mexico. Looks like Mexico and America have more in common than what they thought.

All in all, I would not trade my experiences in Mexico for the world! I think everyone should at some point in their lives leave their home countries and go exploring. Not on some touristic, happy camera snapping exploring, but more so on a profound culturist approach. I miss the family I stayed with and the people I met their A LOT!! Especially this homosexual guy named Martin, who only spoke in English and loved everything European and the word "Wetback." Problematic, I know, but he was great fun. Oh yeah, one of the best parts was visiting a market that sold silver jewelry at damn near free prices.

-Shayla Mars

Shayla Mars is orignially from the southside of Chicago,IL but now currently goes to school in the wilderness known as Dartmouth College in New Hampshire. She is a Spanish minor and Cultural Studies major.

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ROMA BABY!!

Ciao Roma! Sei stati Belissima! Mi Manca Sempre!



(Goodbye Rome! You were beautiful! I will miss you forever!)

In order to meet my foreign language requirement at Dartmouth, I decided to take Italian rather than Spanish and it was one of the best decisions I have EVER made! After excelling in my courses and getting a better picture of what Rome meant outside of Gladiators and Pasta (mmm PASTA!)…I couldn’t turn down a chance to go see some of the most beautiful architecture, art, sculptures, and of course, men in the world.




I expected a lot from this trip: I wanted to meet a hot Italian guy to show me around the city and teach me the language (/wink), I wanted to eat some of the best food in the world and see some of the greatest art out there, I wanted to make friends with people on my trip, I wanted to have a great time and try new and amazing things.

I got most of my wishes…minus the Italian boytoy lol. Turns out all the guys in Italy are 5’4 LOL. I was sooo nervous about making friends as I knew NONE of the people who happened to be on my trip but it wasn’t a problem at all. The first day after class, I expressed my interest in finding a bar to celebrate and 6 others on my trip wanted to too. Everyone else wanted to go sight seeing (NERDS! We had 3 months to do that :P). There were five main partiers (known on the trip as Le Cinque or The Five) and we made the most of it. First week we got kicked out of a few clubs because one of our buds was drunk and almost fighting. Pretty much every day for the first month we came to class hungover or still drunk. Good times. Especially since I still got better grades than most of the people who stayed home and studied every day!

Found an amazing eatery right by the school which was cheap as well as an internet café where we could go and eat/drink after class while studying together. Also…a gelateria (if you don’t know what this is…your life isn’t complete yet!). Our school was also nestled in among some of the most beautiful and amazing places: Foro Romano, Coliseum, Parthenon (Temple of Athena!) etc etc! Amazing! Of course I also paid a visit to the Vatican (though I'm not Catholic)!

I have so many wonderful memories from the trip…I guess I’ll share:

- Trip to Florence – was an amazing trip! Went down just for a weekend for a “project” but ended up partying our asses off. Stayed in this horrible hostel which had these strict rules. The doors locked at 3 a.m. and they wouldn’t let anyone back in until 8 a.m. aaaaand to top it off…they cleaned the place at 10 a.m. and kicked EVERYONE out until 2 p.m. We had found some amazing club and stayed there until like 5 a.m. and then found some open air party and chilled there for a bit. When we finally got back in the hostel and passed out we were awoken and kicked out for several hours. At that point…I and one friend managed to be not hung over enough to go and see the Statue of David and steal a few pics. Everyone else was too sick to go. That’s how hard we partied!

- Got an almost two week vacation in the middle of the trip (the day after my 21st bday!!!) and me and Le Cinque +2 decided to head South. We went to Sicily for most of that vacation and rented out an apartment right near the beach. AMAZING!!!! We just stocked up on food and liquor and partied for the entire time!!!!! Our apartment was gorgeous and the view was sooo beautiful! We stopped by Pompeii on our way down and visited Positano and Capri as well (GORGEOUS).

- Fammi! One of Le Cinque’s host moms! She was AMAZING- fun, knew where all the parties were, and was rarely home. We crashed at her place a lot after hard nights of partying, even playing drinking games with her. She was AMAZING – I liked her a lot!

I so desperately want to go back but it won’t be the same without those people I went with. It was such an amazing trip and we all cried when we realized that it had to end and we had to go back to the States!! Kept in touch with most of the kids when I got back to school- partying with them and recreating our dinners together- but those things always seem to fade. I kind of wish I could go back to that term and do it all over again though! Che bellissima Viaggia (What a beautiful trip!). Read more...

Hope You Have the Time of Your Life

Traveling abroad was by far the highlight of my college career. I spent a good chunk of time in China, including a 3 month stint living alone and working in Shanghai, China. Here's an excerpt from my journal that I wrote at the time. China was a funny, exciting, challenging, phenomenal place!

One interesting story:

So today, after scoping out two apartments, one of which I've since accepted, I hailed a taxi to take me back to Mike's place. Of course I had no success finding a taxi on the main road, so I had to walk down an abandoned residential street to find one. I get in, and ask "Ni zhidao Hongchao Shanghai Cheng ma?," my destination. The driver responds "Yes. You speak Chinese very well!" (of course he does this in Chinese). So, I get in and after he starts driving, I take notice of the driver's ID picture that is displayed on the dashboard. To my dismay, the picture and the driver sitting next to me look NOTHING alike...very sketchy. Almost immediately the driver says "You are young, maybe 20 years old." I respond by asking "what makes you think that?" His answer, "the skin on your hands is very smooth and taught."!!!! I begin to silently panic. My driver is getting creepier and creepier.

The next thing I notice is that this particular taxi driver is VERY ANIMATED, as in he uses his hands A LOT when speaking. Okay, there's no way to adequately describe his gesticulations or speech, but, basically, the guy was the most FLAMING MAINLAND homosexual I had yet come across in China, haha (Those who know me know that I have nothing against homosexuals).

He and I begin talking about a lot of stuff including why I'm in China, how long, where i've been, the "Japanese devils," friends, salaries, etc. All of a sudden he passes me a white glove and tells me to wipe off the side view mirror. I do so, but as I hand him back the glove, I can't help but think he wanted my fingerprints on it so he could later frame me for the murder of the cab's true driver (need I remind you of the dashboard ID picture!!) No matter, I dismiss the thought....

We continue talking, and I laugh out loud about something. As I do so, I look over at him and he smiles giddily saying "I like you." Once again I am creeped out, because Chinese taxi drivers never behave in this manner...ever! He then proceeds to ask me where I am coming from, and rather than giving him the location of the apartment I'd just agreed to rent, I mention a different one (just didn't want to have worry about walking outside my future apartment one morning and seeing him waiting there for me, haha). So yada yada yada, we talk for a long time, and he ultimately requests that I join him for dinner one night at his rich friend's restaurant. He pulls out the business card for this restaurant, writes down his name and cell number, and gives it to me. WHAT! Mind you he still hadn't explained the picture or what became of the real taxi driver...

*later found out that my driver was covering for the actual cab owner who had called in sick.

Ultimately, I ended up paying 35 kuai for a trip that should have only been 15. The driver got so caught up talking to me and asking me weird questions that he drove at about 10 mph the entire time and missed all the right turns. I really liked the guy, but I was a little pissed about the cost. On the bright side, I got a lot of speaking practice.

Okay, enough and goodnight

I Hope you enjoyed my trip down memory lane. Isn't nostalgia the best?

Be well Read more...

Sodom

I entered college a naive, thin, intellectual young man full of curiosity and regard for his fellow man. This lasted roughly two months. I went from breaking-dancing and doing research at leading laboratories in high school to drinking obscene amounts, having zero initiative, and overall learning just how much fun life can really be.

How has college changed me? I gained about 30 pounds. I'd never had to diet before in my life since I ate reasonable meals and exercised regularly in addition to dancing or participating in sports. In college, I ate cookies for 3 meals a day, pizza for the other two, and endeavored to establish a me-shaped indentation in my bed so I could rest more securely as I played video games.

In high school, I was surrounded by intellectual powerhouses and considered myself their peer if not their better. In college, I played Kings and played Kings and played Kings. One term I literally realized towards the end of the term, that I had attended a class where attendance counted a total of two times.

I like to think that I entered college a kinder, gentler soul, only to have the patience poked out of me.

With all of that said, I enjoyed my college experience and treasure the appreciation for vice that I acquired there.

A journal excerpt:

A: You should take up smoking.
Me: I know!! It’s so cheap here. You can get a pack of cigarettes and a lighter for like 50 cents. And I’ll be so much cooler!
A: Yup. And once you start smoking you’ll have completed all the vices.
Me: Not really. I still have to do drugs and prostitution.
A: And incest. Don’t forget about incest.
Me: No… I think I’ll just skip that one…
A: No way! You’ve got to do them all!

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The Growing Pains of College

You ARE a Liar if you think college didn't change you. I mean college did a full overhaul on me, leaving me a gloriously battered banshee male whore with only a semblance of dignity.

... ... I'm seriously kidding... seriously! Come on now.

College DID make me bitter and a much more negative person. Besides seeing my academic performance and moral character slip in college, I also had to constantly deal with obliviously ignorant and judgmental peers. Combine that with the fact that I initially felt many of my relationships were shallow and you get a very frustrated, unhappy person. Eventually, I came to accept that not all people are willing to be for you what you want them to be (even if it would be better for them).

College also made me more confrontational!! After having several "problems" with professors and classmates, I was forced to realize I am my BIGGEST Advocate. Calling meetings with profs and sometimes deans to reconcile issues, getting classmates together to discuss and resolve conflicts, etc. I LEARNED that even if all the facts and "positives" are on your side, people are often stubborn JUST TO BE and require a more aggressive, direct approach.  And I can/have the right to dish it.

I learned to speak my honest thoughts to my friends, for their sake.

I realized that sometimes people change for the worse, and there's nothing you can do about it.

I became much more impulsive, living in "the now" by senior year (I even embraced pong senior year...HERPES CENTRAL *see this post*). 

College changed me in a lot of ways that I'm still trying to fully understand. Most obviously, I became more social. Before college I was a proud functioning introvert who enjoyed spending time alone. These days, I still spend much of my time solo, but I can at least feign excitement and comfort in social settings.

On the opposite end, college severely damaged my self-confidence and belief in my abilities. Being confronted with failure on so many fronts has that affect on a person. Fortunately, the real world has managed to rebuild or put into perspective a lot of what college tore down.

I didn't really dig deep for this entry because it's tricky/I hate talking about it. There were so many changes, and I hated most of them. Even today, I find myself trying to reverse the effects 4 years had on me.

It was still worth it. I grew a ton, and learned through the pain ... ugh

Be well, Read more...

Brokedown Blogger

Who or what am I? I don't have a damn clue...


I'm afraid but I'm not. Someday this new Me will emerge and I'll realize that this is the person I should have been all along and everything will be wonderful. I look back at who I was pre-college and I see the things in me that I used to love and cherish. My strength, confidence, positivity, and belief in myself have all diminished to varying degrees. These changes began my first term of Dartmouth which was a terrible one in terms of my education. Poor grades and, for the first time in my life, struggling to make it destroyed all of those things, and it would take the rest of my time at college to slowly begin to gain them back. The realization that I was no longer a whiz kid and that I was simply average killed me…I miss that old Me but I appreciate the many things I’ve gained and I’m sure down the road…I’ll realize the trade-off was worth it. I’m more open-minded, understanding, considerate now and that stubborn bull-headedness is always diminishing. My mean-spiritness and manipulative nature are also beginning to wane, so it’s all good.

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Physically- I gained too much weight from drinking and partying and non-stop snacking and ordering of fast food. The end.
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God I was stupid!!!! I thought I’d walk into college and upon recieving my degree, I’d be an expert in X field and ready to go out there and do everything. I thought I’d be able to write my own paychecks and that companies would be fighting over me! Needless to say, I’m no longer that naive and I realize what it takes to make it in this world. 50 years ago, this degree would have taken me so far, but now, now you can’t even get a job at McDonald’s without a college degree it seems. I will say this though, I can do anything. No … I’m serious. Liberal Arts colleges are wonderful for that kind of thing. I feel that I have the skill sets to place me in any industry and I would easily be able to perform well. Balancing all of my activities and differing jobs with 10-week school terms all honed my time management and prioritization skills. My grades weren't amazing, but I know that if I didn't work 15-20 hours a week and used a portion of that time to study, I would be much higher up on the GPA scale. I envied those people who didn't work at all, but I know that if I had to work full time to support myself in law school, as many people do, I could do so easily and still maintain.

College changed me and made me a slightly better person in society’s eyes in that I care more for others and that I am compassionate, understanding and more considerate. I think before I speak – trying my best not to offend while still stating my ideas. My “don’t give a F@$*” attitude has subsided and been replaced by one where I still don’t let others define me but I’m less harsh and abrasive in my actions, and words. The only things I want back are my confidence in myself and my belief that I am smart and not just average. Working towards regaining those and then I think I’ll be complete! Read more...

Outside the Bat Cave

Changes? O yes, I've changed. College has definitely changed me. Freshman Fifteen? More like FRESHMAN FIFTY.

Ok no, not that much. But my mom was looking for an emaciated me coming off that bus the first Thanksgiving break and didn't recognize me because I had gained weight. To her disappointment, I replaced homecooking with fatty American food instead of wasting away pining for Mommy's cooking.

Superficial physical changes are minor things that comes with growing up. Mental and emotional changes run a little deeper.

I've always lived in a bubble. Did I grow up pain-free? No. Did my mother shelter me too much? Some would say that, but she also didn't shy away from warning me about the darkness of human nature. Even with all the afterschool specials and the hokey family values shows like Boy Meets World and Full House, I still decided that bad things like drugs and bullies don't exist in my world. A bit of a defense mechanism.

All that changed in college. Slowly, I let a little more into my bubble. Now, I'm not saying that I was out getting drugged up, sexed up, and F'd up. I'm just saying that I let my guard down and let go of a lot of my naivete. In the process, I've learned a lot more about the world and about myself. I think I see the world with completely different eyes now. My innate NYer paranoia is reinforced but hopefully that means that I tread upon this world with more caution.

Am I still me after college? I think the core ME is still here. I have more or less the same set of values I've always had, except now I have experience flexing my moral muscles and seen more things to develop ideas about other things I've never had to deal with before.

I might cry a little easier because I'm not so afraid of ALL "weak" emotions, but I am a stronger person for coming to grips with being true to myself. The world is a big place. Too many things out there piss me off. If I carry a big enough stick, I won't have to speak too loudly. I will go far. I will learn plenty even with my bubble keeping me warm and sane. But a big stick is still a big stick. I'm not so afraid to look beyond that bubble anymore. I can't thank my friends enough for holding my hand while I do that. Read more...

Rage across the universe

Let us do the list.

I should have gone to class. much much more. I still have recurrent nightmares about being in a class that I haven't bothered going to in weeks with a final coming up. While that is a common dream for college students, it was a reality for me. I typically stopped going to any class with online course notes that wasn't taught by a very select group of professors.

I should have studied. much much more. I typically would give myself the last 12 hours before a test to learn the material. After a nap and dinner, I'd realize that it was physically impossible to read the material in its entirety and, thusly motivated, study in a frenzy for about 6 hours. So about 30 hours of studying per semester.

I should have gone to the gym much much more. I should have eaten much much less. I went from pretty fit to gross. If I'd established good lifestyle habits I'd be in a much better place now.

I should have played less video games. This is a gray area because when I wasn't playing video games, see below.



Lastly, the granddaddy of them all. I should have drank much much less. My God. THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED. I have PTSD-esque flashbacks where I'm just left with the conclusion 'That... was an exceedingly poor choice.' I passed out in public places, licked necks at frat parties and raged from frat to frat for days at a time as my grades tanked.


Now, these have all been very abstract shoulds. They're not things that I necessarily want to change. Just areas that I acknowledge I could have improved in. So what would I change if I had to choose? I'd go to the gym. The other stuff was hella fun and didn't turn out to be a problem for me ultimately.
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College - You WON'T Regret It!

If Only! If ONLY!

Why is it that clarity always comes AFTER you need it? When I was in college, I had no idea what I wanted to be, let alone what I wanted to major in. You see, I was a naïve boy who’d always envisioned college as the place where I’d discover my passion and become an expert in the field of my choice. Boy was I wrong. By senior year, I’d come to accept the fact that college is, more often than not, the place where you discover which interests NOT to pursue.

Whatever. Outside of the academic slip-ups and attendance woes that every mediocre college student has, the main thing I would change is how I spent my "off terms." As soon as I graduated I realized that had I used my off-terms and summers more wisely, I might be in a better spot right now.

Let's break it down:

Unless you are going to graduate school or applying for some enviable position in a corporation/government, forget about your academic mistakes! After all, you can't go back and change the grades. Yes, you most certainly could have done better, but you had your reasons for not performing - motivation, other priorities, problems, etc. It's easy to say you would have been more studious, but a lot of the reasons why you loved college are tied to the non-studious, carefree times. I've already gone through the phases where I beat myself up for "having the wrong friends," poor sleeping habits, and time-consuming extracurriculars. Those "evils," however, were the things that taught me valuable lessons and grew me in the way college is supposed to.

Whenever you start getting stressed because of your lackluster showing in college, remember this: As much as you may regret & recognize the foolishness in many of your choices, you would probably make many of those decisions again because you GAINED so much from them.

Here's the deal...
It's not about what you know but WHO you know. So how does a 22 y.o. grad - you - get to know people in the entertainment (or whatever) industry? INTERNSHIPS.

If you don't have family or friend hook-ups, then you should be spending your undergraduate free terms exploring the industries you might want to work in. While internships are often far from glorious, they provide you with useful social capital - contacts and experience. That, my friends, is what will separate you from the thousands of other recent grad applicants when the good ol' college days are done. What I've found is that, no matter how magnificent the GPA or well-rounded the person, certain industries are so insular that even the brightest applicants get rejected.

Use undergrad to get your foot into as many doors as possible! My mistake was that my only internship was in the financial markets, and although it was a positive experience, today I no longer have any interest in that path. So, I'm high and dry, trying to force open a 2 ton music industry door that won't budge because the people on the inside don't know me. I have the skills and talent to work in the industry; I KNOW THIS. Unfortunately, I didn't apply for the slave labor, bottom of the totem pole internships that many of my peers did. And now those peers are on the inside of the door protecting themselves from any talented outsiders who might threaten their job security.

Do you get what I'm saying?! Apply for an array of internships over your 4 years in college. Meet people in different fields and make your life easier once you graduate. Expand your horizons (travel) and explore (jobs options) during your breaks. Trust me, you'll be better for it.

Once you're in the real world, you'll never find yourself saying "Man, i wish I hadn't interned or traveled so much." You may however find yourself saying "Man, I wish I'd enjoyed my time in college a bit more." Ask the phi beta kappa graduate. She probably cries herself to sleep every night. Oops, there I go projecting again, hahaha. *No, I was not phi beta kappa, LOL*

Be well, Read more...

Me? Nada!

What would I change about my college experience…?


NOT A DAMN THING!!!!

I genuinely LOVED LOVED LOVED my time spent at Dartmouth. There were few, if any, moments that I regretted making that very hard decision to go there…ok…who am I kidding? It was an IVY!!! There was no way I was passing that up-no matter how much money Vanderbilt offered me. Although…Dartmouth gave me a tiny bit more moolah in the end anyway :).

If I HAD TO change anything about my experience/time spent etc… I would probably change the location. That’s how much fun I had…the only gripe is that I can possibly come up with was that it was in Hanover, F#*k@I( New Hampshire. Lol. I hate cold, I hate snow, but I’m so glad I decided in the end to go there. I have never had so much fun in my life! I guess I am partly glad it was in the middle of nowhere though. Would I have had as much fun or met the people I met if there were other social outlets off-campus in a city somewhere? High school friends talk about going out on the town and not seeing anyone from school. Or meeting some cute guy in a club and realizing they’re both students at the same school. Never happens in Hanover lol. First of all…Dartmouth is tiny! Maybe 6,000 students- MAYBE- and about 1/3 of those are graduate students (Med/Business/Engi) and you never see them really lol. So…you pretty much know everyone by face at least. Also, there’s NOTHING in the off-campus area to do (well you could ski/hike and crap like that- if you like the outdoors…). Any major events, attractions, etc. are brought in by Dartmouth and so the town seemingly relies on the College for entertainment.

Don’t let that deter you though- there was no lack of fun stuff to do, concerts, events or parties at Dartmouth. Dartmouth has a huge Greek scene and on any given night you can wander down “Frat Row” and find at least a few houses playing loud music and/or playing pong into the long hours of the night. My friends and I spent more than our fair share of time on Frat row lol. Whenever students came to visit from other colleges (Ny, Boston, Atlanta etc) they had nothing but good things to say and most lamented that they wished they had gone to Dartmouth. It may be in the middle of nowhere- but that seemed to foster a tight-knit and fun community. Plus, I had great friends. We could just meet up anywhere and have so much fun doing nothing. Some of my favorite times were in the Choates just hanging out, or down at the river swimming in the murky water, or working at Lone Pine with half the staff being my friends and the rest of my friends just hanging out with us while we worked. Such a tight group! Also…UJIMA and Collis Late-Night “study” sessions!

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I guess a secondary change I’d make- which I’m sure everyone would say about their own experiences- is to branch out more and try to make more friends. I had a pretty diverse group but there was always room for more and I don’t feel that I met everyone I could have and should have. But who can ever say that they have?! Once I got more comfortable and started branching out, I met some great people. I wish I had started that process sooner.

In the end- I know that Dartmouth was the best place for me and, though it wasn't my first choice, it was the only correct one (I'm sure of it!). If Dartmouth isn't on your list and you're looking for a College, definitely look into it. Good school, great people, and ...this...

Dartmouth Grads the Richest!!!

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Love, Hate, College, Tomfoolery

Regrets? Who doesn't have any? I'm a dweller. I have regrets and then I live my days out thinking about those regrets. It's hard for me to let things go. A lot of my regrets come from knowing that they would be mistakes and making them anyway. I must be a glutton for emotional pain. Some other regrets come from my own naivete and takes me awhile to grasp the magnitude of my own idiocy.

In matters of love, hate, and self realization, there is no better place to sort those things out and make mistakes in those areas than in college.

I'm just glad I have good friends that pull me through my moments of tomfoolery.

There aren't too TOO many things I regret. But there things I still think about.

Academics.
I am NOT proud of my GPA. All those all-nighters were pretty unnecessary. Most of them could have been avoided if I didn't try so hard to make procrastination a hobby. I'm disgusted with my studying habits. Product of high school though. The days were so taxing that I would try to push things back as much as possible just to get some breathing room. Just excuses though.

If I wasn't aiming so high and trying to please everyone else, I would have had a better time studying in China. I skipped a whole year of Chinese when I studied abroad just so that 3rd year Chinese had enough people for a program. It was too flipping hard with a lot of people I didn't like. I would have learned more if I stayed with 2nd year and knew what the hell was going on in class. But other than that, I really did enjoy China and made some good friends on the trip.

As much as I loved "studying" with my friends, I really wish I had taken advantage of those TA sessions and gotten to know my professors. Why didn't I? I don't know. Issues with authority? I don't think so but maybe a slight fear.

Love. Hate. Friendships.
I've made a lot of friends in college. Some, I let go. Some drifted away. But luckily, some friends have become GREAT friends. It would have been nice to branch out a little more, if not for love of friendships then at least for networking. Safe to say, I didn't make it a top priority to make friends in my psych classes. Inferiority thing.

I was genuinely disgusted with some people in college. I probably didn't hide my disgust. I don't hide emotions very well. I can try but something almost always flickers across my face and gives it all away. Someone has even messaged me through my Honesty Box on facebook about that. The message itself offended me. If that person is going to say something about me TO me, say it to my face, not a nasty message through my Honest Box. I mean yes, it's an Honesty Box, but it was so nasty that it seemed like personal beef. If it's that personal, then make it personal, not anonymous.

I didn't find love in college. It's really sad. I didn't find anyone in college. A friend once said to me, "Yes, it may seem like I abandon you guys sometimes but the time I spent away from the group with a significant other was good and you guys probably would be happier if you all had relationships at one point or another." OUCH. But true. I never hated the fact that he had relationships and stopped hanging with the group so much. We were all happy for him. But we all could have been happy for each other, too. I wonder why we didn't find love. What did we do wrong? What did I do wrong?

Self-realizations.
I went into college thinking: PRE-MED!!! HELL YEA!!! Wampwamp. Pre-med at Dartmouth is no joke. Which is fine because I think my true calling is Psychology. If only I'd known that sooner instead of holding on to that pre-med crap for so long which F'd me academically. ARGH!!! (Now I'm thinking maybe I can do physical therapy, too! I'll need some more time with that thought first.)

I also thought that going AWAY for school meant that I can separate myself from the family and just let me be me and that the family can handle things without me. It just ended up being long road trips back and forth but the emotional distance and dependency between the family and me never changed. I probably could have saved myself a lot of time if I went to a school that was closer to home. But I don't think I really regret that all too much. I needed to know for sure. And now I know.

That's it. Amidst all the regrets, I managed to find a lot of good in college. And for that, I love my friends for helping me get through it all. =)
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But it's Dahhhhtmouth, dahling

It was never a question as to whether or not I'd go to college. College is a must. A definite.

Aside from aiming for Stuy, I didn't really have to aim for another school. It was apparent from Day 1 at Stuy that college follows rather naturally after graduation. The principal made it clear at the freshman assembly in the first week that aside from always using the overpass bridge so we don't break all our limbs crossing the West Side Highway (true story...he said that), our v e r y l i v e l i h o o d in the four years of high school is devoted to getting into a good college. Not college. A good college. No. A GREAT college. Everything matters.

So when it came time to pick a college, there were really only two colleges on my list and one of them seemed like a far fetched dream.

I visited Dartmouth one summer (junior summer, I'm guessing. I have a terrible memory and I'm no good with time) and fell in love with it. It was just an overnight trip that Dartmouth sent me some info and an app for. We had to apply with a transcript and everything for this trip. So I went and enjoyed myself a lot. A bunch of us from Stuy met some kids from other hoity toity ::cough::Exeter::cough:: schools and went out in search of the golf course to look at the stars. Shooting star season. I don't know where we ended up (never figured that out in the years I spent at Dartmouth) but it wasn't the golf course. We did stay up to watch for shooting stars. I saw a bunch but I really just marveled at the fact that I can see stars at ALL. It was awesome. I even figured out the Big Dipper and Orion all by myself. They look exactly like the pictures in books (except much more brilliant in real life). We stayed up pretty late and we all chose one class to attend the next day. I promptly fell asleep in class (and I was told the professor even put his hand on my shoulder as he lectured up and down the isles...didn't even register in my mind), something I'd do pretty often once I enrolled. We spoke to some students doing the summer there. Everyone was nice and welcoming. We hung out on the Green, which is surrounded by trees. It wasn't sweltering even though it was the middle of August.

I fell in love with Dartmouth.

It was a logical love. I fell in love with Dartmouth because it was everything NYC was not. I needed to know that if I am indeed a city girl, I know that I am one because I've tried other things and didn't like it. I needed a school that was far enough away from home so that I can have free reign to be who I wanted to be. It's an Ivy League school that uses the common app. I'm lazy and I'm sold!

I had thought about Yale, too. But it's YALE. I didn't stand a chance. Maybe I should have applied anyway but I was really set on Dartmouth at that point. Plus, they accepted my app to come on that summer visit. I figured my chances were decent. So, I applied early! The instant I received my acceptance in my email, I started crying. I WAS SO OVERJOYED!!! (I had to wait to get home to check. I didn't want an embarrassing situation in the school library in case I didn't get in.) My mom came home from work and I was still shaking from the excitement. I told her, and she asked when I was going to apply to other schools.

Wow. What a buzzkill. I can understand though. Of all the Ivies, I pick the one that no Asian parent knows. Hell, a LOT of people wouldn't be able to list Dartmouth among the Ancient Eight. It's that last thing on the list that bugs the hell out of people when they can't think of it.

But, I stuck with my choice. Mostly because I was legally bound to attend Dartmouth by then. I had the time of my life there. Lots of ups and plenty of downs. I can't say that I wouldn't have had a better time elsewhere but I definitely appreciated my time at Dartmouth and the people that I've met.

Has it gotten me anywhere yet? Not really. Although my current boss decided to give me an interview upon seeing my resume that included the Dartmouth name. WOOT!

(Real Ivy is Green. GO DARTMOUTH!)
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Janitors make how much?

How useful has my Ivy-League degree been to me? How cold is the sun? How shallow is the sea?

I'm a bit biased at this point.

Fact 1: Law schools are ranked according to certain criteria. Namely, the GPA and LSAT of their incoming students. Therefore, they care deeply about your GPA and not at all about where that GPA came from. I regularly hear about people who graduated from community college with a 4.0 made possible by 60 credits in interpretive dance and basket weaving. Those people blow me out of the water when in comes to applications because, for the purposes of law school apps, nobody cares where you went to school.

Fact 2: Once you actually land a job, nobody will ever care where you went to school again. Your prospects for advancement will be decided in equal parts by your work ethic, the caprice of your overlords, and good or bad luck that you have no influence over.

Fact 3: In an economic downturn, when you're looking for work, your Ivy degree is a scarlet letter. Nobody believes that you will really stay at an admin job once the economy picks up, because "you could do anything".

Fact 4: Most of the first 2 facts are bullshit in my particular scenario. I would never have gotten my first job if I didn't have that Ivy name on my resume. I put the school on, took my GPA off, and landed a kick-ass job largely on name recognition. In addition, law is probably the single-most prestige driven field in the world so the Ivy undergrad I have probably does give me some tangible advantage over a Borough of Manhattan Community College grad. So, while my degree didn't help me at the job, it put my foot in the door, and while it didn't help me get into law school, it'll help me get into a firm.
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