Out of Sight Out of Mind - Confessional

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder” – I’m sure my friends and family wished that were true for me.

“Out of sight, Out of mind” – this is my reality.

I don’t know what it is about my view on relationships, but whenever I part ways with someone, I swiftly and almost completely detach myself from them emotionally and conversationally. It’s my nature.

When I’m in a friendship, I’m ALL IN. I’m your confidante, your loyal ear, your counsel, your encouragement, your reality check, your “whatever you need me to be.” But the minute the connection is tested by a physical /geographical distance, for the most part, things fall apart. I realize, however, that oftentimes my “friendships,” especially in college, were pretty much one-sided, with a lot of thought/energy flowing from me but not much flowing back. So, why are people shocked when a temporary separation ends up being “goodbye?” Oh, I know! Because they were so self-centered and smug in the relationship that they didn’t realize how little work they put into its upkeep. And while I'm completely happy devoting myself to someone, I’m not stupid. When the season ends, I’ll take the good and leave the bad and useless behind.

Let’s get 2 things straight, though:

1) There are several individuals I’ve met throughout high school and college that RECIPROCATED the energy and feelings I gave to the relationship. Those people are still friends in my mind. Though I may not talk to them often, I’m wired so that those feelings NEVER die. The minute I see them or even hear their voice, my past emotions for them rush me, and I’m back to feeling as I did at the height of our relationship. Honestly, If you make an impression on me and show a genuine selflessness at some point towards me, I’m hooked on you. No distance will ever make me forget you or allow the feelings to wane.

2) For the friendships that do die, it’s not that I didn’t value them or like the people. The opposite was true. I was naturally drawn to those people for whatever reason. I enjoyed the time we had and the mutual impact made. IRONICALLY, I have found that in the relationships that fall out, the friend seems more attached to me than I am to them, despite me putting in most of the work. I guess they assumed I was their lackey, forever devoted, and really nice, hahah. I mean, I am devoted and nice, but that completely ignores the much bigger/more dominant elements of my personality, lol. That’s funny when I think about it.

Unfortunately, my "out of sight mindset" has caused many of my GOOD friends to think I don’t care and have forgotten them. Thus, they move on and either forget or get angry with me...that can be heartbreaking. There is one high school friend in particular that won’t give me the TIME OF DAY and blatantly ignores me. I’ve been trying to communicate for over 2 years. If he doesn’t respond by my birthday, I’ll drop him from my mind & heart. I don’t want to, but I know I can.

I guess it’s confusing because no matter if the friendship is REAL or one-sided (and destined for death), I still seemingly give the same amount of me and react the same during separation.
The true test of my friendship then lies in my reaction when reunited. If I’m awkward, not a good sign. If I smile and laugh and am emotional, I really valued you and, chances are, loved you.

To the good friends that think I've moved on - I haven’t. I’m still here for you.

Be well,

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Will you be my friend forever? □ Yes □ No □ Maybe

The company I work at has a staff of about 9 or 10, give or take a few volunteers. I'm close to all of ONE person there...and only because she's one of my best friends to start with. Even then, she's only there 1 out of the 6 days I'm there. I'm friendly with most. Cordial at the least (although one guy may beg to differ...he creeped me out first so it's inconsequential). I don't really go clubbing. I don't really attend alumni things. I was never part of a big organization in college. I don't like making calls (I will gladly answer though). Looks like my circles are pretty small.

So will you be my friend forever? I hope so! =) I know I put in my best efforts to keep close friends close and my not so close friends...I don't know..on my list to chat up once in awhile? This is not to say I haven't lost touch with some people. It happens. Some people just stop responding to my efforts. A friendship, even a peripheral one, shouldn't be so damn hard to keep up. If they don't think I'm worth their time, then it was a waste of MY time to even try. But I try nonetheless. I'm stubborn like that. Some others just kind of disappear. Shrug.
If I can't find you on Facebook, well then what else can I do?

I don't measure the depth of my friendship by the amount of interactions we have. Some friends I can have minimal correspondence with and it'd still be great every time we chat or talk on the phone.

I don't ask much from friends. Just that they keep me in mind every so often. Why is it so hard for people to stay friends with me? Am I that forgettable?

PSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH! Can't be it.
I am UNforgettable!

I give my all to friends. I'm not the most outgoing person but I'm personable. If you ask me for help, I will help as best I can. Sometimes I need reminders (I have a terrible memory) but I'll get to it. I don't keep a tally of favors but I do expect people to reciprocate the same level of commitment. It's an unreasonable expectation, I know. But like all my expectations, I just call it hope and when it doesn't come through...well, it was just hope, right?

It still hurts me when people blow me off or take advantage of me. I dwell on these things. I'm pretty persistent in trying to figure out why. None of the answers make me happy. Sometimes I get really sad about it. Sometimes I blow up. Either way, friendships stay lost and it's NOT happy times.

Post-college, I expected all my friends to still be BEST CRAZIES FOREVER!!! We'd talk! We'd chat! We'd blitz each other forever! I refused to believe that losing contact was a possibility. I mean c'mon. We were college freshmen when Facebook was still TheFacebook and everyone was having fun adding each other left and right. We MADE Facebook. Facebook was how we kept in touch during off terms and study abroads! How can we possibly lose touch?!

LE SIIIIIIIIIIIIGH

I miss a lot of my friends. It's hard sometimes to keep up with people whose lives are going at different paces. My friends that are still in college are living the college life and I can only get so psyched about things I don't have any idea about. But I do appreciate the efforts they put in to try to keep me in the loop. =) My friends that are doing the post-bacc/grad school thing...ALWAYS WITH THE STUDYING! Hahaha It's hard trying to not get in their way. Holla when you get some free time! And my working friends, it's hard to find some time when they're not super worn out after a long workday.

Even so, I manage to stay best of friends with three girls I met in high school. We all went to different colleges. Majored in different things. Work in different parts of the city. But we still see each other every so often and I definitely hit them up on gchat whenever I can. We laugh. We cry. We mostly laugh though. Great times!

So why do some friendships endure? Why do some fizzle out? Why do some shoot themselves right to hell?

I think it's effort. I'm lazy about a lot of things. But I do my share with friendships.

So...check a box and pass that note back already!
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23/F LF Good Time

Wow… I never realized how much school was a big part of my social life until I graduated from College. Think about it; you make friends in high school and college based on who you have class with or who is in your dorm and then you branch out from there. It hit me when I moved back home to a neighborhood of old people and middle school kids that it might be a little difficult to make friends. I mean in college, I met most of my friends at an event for students considering going to Dartmouth. I kept in contact with some of them over the summer and when I arrived there in September, most of the ones I had met actually lived in my dorm cluster. Over time I made other friends through clubs I joined and that kind of thing and we all formed a really close bond. Currently the crew is centralized in NYC with a few of us dotted elsewhere so it’s hard to keep in contact. It’s weird but…the further you live away from someone…the less you have to talk about. Think about it! I call one of my New York friends and its like “How is school/work? How are you? How is your family?” I feel like I’m their grandmother or something. We no longer know the same people or live in the same area so I’m not gonna know “who cheated on who” or why this couple broke up because I don’t know those people. It took me moving a thousand miles away to realize how hard this was going to be…

Making new friends is a task in itself. For one…I really don’t have a lot of time to go out and make friends. Here is my week:

M-F:
5:30 a.m. Wake up
6:45 a.m. Arrive at work
6:00 p.m. Leave work
7:30 p.m. Arrive home from work
10:30 p.m. Go to bed

Sunday Reserved ME TIME (though certain people are encroaching upon this…no names…)

I really only have Saturday to go out and do stuff and half the damn time I have to go in to work because some attorney decides Friday at 5:45 p.m. that they want something done by Monday morning. If that’s the case…tada… I can’t go out Friday and I have to get up at the crack of dawn Saturday to meet that lawyer at work. Now I’m tired Saturday too and don’t feel like going out. If I’m off on Saturday, one of my other friends has to work or is sick, so we rarely see each other. I’m going to have to figure something out because I do need a social life but I don’t want to be a damn zombie because I can’t ever get more than 5 hours of sleep…Screw adult life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Basically, my advice is this: Try to live near your college friends (or with them) when you graduate because once you move to a new city to start your full time job…it will be hell trying to find and make new friends and to maintain those old friendships. Trust me…. Read more...

Piercing Insight

I am a creature of habit. Currently watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for easily the 500th time.

Stan: I saw you two talking. So I waved to you, and you giggled, you know.
Mary: How'd I look?
Stan: You looked happy. Happy with a secret.

I like to plan each step of my life very carefully. I know exactly where I will be 3, 5 and 10 years from now. In all honesty, I'm probably not a free spirit in any sense of the world. Oddly enough, it was these things that pushed me towards body modding. I was that guy in the office who everyone thinks they have completely figured out and in my case, they were probably right. And then something as simple as a piercing changed all that for me. It was fun living each moment of the day with a delicious secret. I found myself more interesting.

A little over a year ago, I told myself that if everything went according to plan, I could have a rather unusual reward. Everything seems to be falling into place, so in a few months I plan to get two more piercings to reward myself for the LSAT/law school thing. With that said, these will be my last two piercings. I'm definitely not into heavy body modding and the recovery time on some of these things is a killer. Not to mention that all piercings come with the unfortunate side effect of requiring you to spend the rest of your life being very careful about your movements.

It should go without saying that if you decide to try any kind of body modding, your body is your canvas. BUT don't make the mistake of using part of the canvas that people will see when you're on an interview. Law and business in particular are staggeringly conservative fields and setting yourself apart from the pack is almost never a good thing.



Watchmen will be disappointing if you've read the novel and decent if you haven't. It simply will suffer from the fact that no movie adaptation could be as gripping as the book. Then again, they don't even try. It's like watching the videos terrorists release, the characters you love draped in rags, abused and humiliated. Kudos to anyone who got the Penny-Arcade reference. Read more...

Hit me if you dare!

Ok…I’m going to introduce you to a part of me you may or may not like and you most definitely won’t agree with on many levels. I am… a bitch… and I have little sympathy for people who do stupid things. Michael Vick murdering dogs for the SPORT of dogfighting can rot in jail…I don’t feel sorry for him. Child molesters and sex offenders SHOULD have to register and there should be a big red X on their house marking that this person will do something bad to your children. Murderers should suffer in a cell with no tv…no nothing… don’t feel sorry for them (except for the ones who are wrongly locked up i.e. didn’t commit the crime…). I like the death penalty for those who are proven beyond a doubt/have admitted to be the criminal behind murders/rapes etc.

But there are innocent bystanders who do dumb stuff too…and I can’t extend my sympathy to them either. There was a kid whose hat fell off of a Six Flags Over Georgia ride. He hopped 2 fences that said “Danger…Do Not Enter” and had his head lopped off by the ride… Don’t feel sorry for ya kid. Sorry for your family maybe…but you…no. I think he was like 16 years old… he should have known better. AND FOR A HAT!!? And this whole thing with Chris Brown and Rihanna…if its true that she is trying to reconcile with him anyway… I’ll laugh if /when she gets beaten up this time. People like that don’t change…next time you piss him off…he may not just beat you up.

Now…there’s several reasons why I’ve now turned my back on her in particular. She has the means to escape what the media has said was an abusive relationship even prior to this incident. She has money, the love and support of family, celebrity friends, and the nation, and she has no ties with him such as kids and a marriage… There are women out there who have none or few of the above who manage to escape. And there are some who actually can’t. They may have kids and may lose them to the husband and never get to see them, or they may not be able to support themselves on their own. I do feel sorry for them and hope that they can eventually get out. Yea Rhianna…you love him, and maybe he loves you a bit… but if it was this easy to beat the crap out of you and then reconcile…then why wouldn’t he do it again? It’s a cycle my dear, and you have got to break it.

Me… I wish a guy would put his hands on me…especially a skinny POS like Chris Brown. He may get a lucky shot in or two… or he may actually beat me up. But I’ll tell you one thing…he’ll never be able to sleep around me or eat anything I cook. If I can’t beat you up… you will get what’s coming to you in one way or the next. I don’t like to be embarrassed and I love to get my revenge…I could be nice and just move out etc…but that’s not my style. I have never been hit by a man (besides my brothers growing up) so I can’t imagine what was going through her mind at the time. But I know the last thing I’d be thinking is… “God I love him. Will he stop hitting me so we can get back together”.

One of my favorite movies is Enough with JLO as the abused wife. Check it out if you haven’t seen it … Read more...

Ignorant HATERS..Is that what it means to be American?!

Update on the reactions to the appointment of Dr. J.Y. Kim as the next president of Dartmouth College:

I am FUMING at this mass email from a current Dartmouth student that was forwarded to me:

Yesterday came the announcement that President of the College James Wright will be replaced by Chinaman Kim Jim Yong. And a little bit of me died inside.

It was a complete supplies.

On July 1, yet another hard-working American's job will be taken by an immigrant willing to work in substandard conditions at near-subsistent wage, saving half his money and sending the rest home to his village in the form of traveler's checks. Unless "Jim Yong Kim" means "I love Freedom" in Chinese, I don't want anything to do with him. Dartmouth is America, not Panda Garden Rice Village Restaurant.

Y'all get ready for an Asianification under the guise of diversity under the actual Malaysian-invasion leadership instituted under the guise of diversity. It's a slippery slope we are on. I for one want Democracy and apple pie, not Charlie Chan and the Curse of the Dragon Queen. I know I sure as shit won't ever be eating my Hop dubs bubs with chopsticks. I like to use my own two American hands.


There are no words to describe how much these words hurt and infuriate me. And apparently I was not the only one to be negatively affected by this bigotry. These "apologies" were sent out to the Dartmouth community:

Dear Dartmouth,

The comments I made in this morning's message were inappropriate. They were crap. I wanted us to laugh at racism, but it didn't work. I executed my satire poorly. It was insensitive. I'm sorry. I hope we can all learn from this and move on. Please accept my apology and excuse me while I beat myself with the silver spoons I was fed with all my life.

Sincerely,

White Male '0Priveleged

***************************************************

From the desk of GGMM:

Dear Dartmouth,

We are sorry for failing to edit the humor of our interns more closely. While the introduction was intended to make our audience laugh at the idea of racism in general, the message was clearly misinterpreted by many. We hope in the future that Dartmouth's new president can be the subject of more tasteful mockery as the 16 before him have been.

Sincerely,
GGMM

KILL YOURSELF! THAT IS NOT AN APOLOGY!!! There is no remorse. Is there no shame? I am at SUCH a loss for words. I don't even know where to begin dissecting these messages. If I wasn't more rational, I would haul ass to campus right now and make these people...never mind. I do not need to catch a case right now.

What do you think? Do they have a right to irresponsibly spew idealogical sewage in the form of public emails? Should they at all feel at least some remorse for being complete pricks? What are your thoughts on the "apologies"?

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